Published July 19, 2011
Hi I'm Joe and I've been dating Nick for one year we haven't told each other we love each other or kissed yet. But today I'm taking Nick to a lake. He loves lakes and I'm planning on telling him he's my true love and to kiss him for the first time.
Right now I'm driving Nick to the lake only he doesn't know where we're going to told him it's a surprise. "Joey please tell me where we're going please." Than he looked at me with sad eye's he knows I can't say no to him when he does that. "Baby I want it to be a surprise." Nick sighed than said "fine I guess I'll die because I hate surprised and this is a surprise." I laughed he knows I think it's funny when he does that.
When we finally got to the lake Nick smiled really big and turned to me and said. "oh my god Joey I love the lake." I laughed "I know that's why I brought you here." After I said that I got out of the car and walked to his side of the car and opened the door and grabbed his hand. I lead him over to a bench and sat next to him. Nick looked at me smiling I smiled back than said. "What are you so happy about?" He giggled than said "I don't know I just like spending time with you."
A few minutes later I finally turned to Nick and put my hand on his cheek and made him look into my eye's while I looked into his. Than I finally said "Nick we've been dating for a yea and I'm ready to tell you something that I hope you feel the same about." After I finished Nick looked at me scared. "What i is it Joey?" I smiles I love it when he calls me Joey that's my nickname he gave me. "Nick your my true love I love you more than anything or anyone."
A minute later Nick smiled really big and hugged me while tears were falling. "I love you with all my heart I could never love anyone else but you Joey your my true love." I smiled and kissed him with all the love I could.
After a few minutes I pulled away from the kiss and looked into Nick's eye's than said. "I love you with all my heart I could never love anyone and I was born so I can love you and so I can tell you your beautiful, caring, smart, and just perfect in ecer way possible." After I finished talking Nick was in tears than he said. "Joey you make me feel so loved you are the only person that truly loves and cares about me I love you." When he finished talking we shared a kiss that was full of love.
The End!!
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138,926 Literary Works • 672,328 Reviews
I see that others have pointed out certain things already and I don't think I'll push it anymore by pointing them out again... nice story, I must say.
Very cute.
Oh, by the way, before I forget:
I wanted to tell you this. Okay, when you have a character's name being said, you always have a comma after the name. Like, "Ginnae (comma) are you here?" And sometimes this is accepted, "Hey Callie, how are you?" Oh dear I hope I didn't confuse you with that...Sorry if I did. And also, the name...I like the name and all but the "Your" should be "You're.". Because "your" is to show possession. You're is you are. The apostrophe is a contraction. Like, "I'm" is "I am".
Grr! If I am confusing you then you are allowed to hit me. *Hands a bat* Ok I hope I helped out in some way. Good job with the story!
~LP
I thought the story was cute and had a plot line, BUT:
1: Capitalization. It was overlooked in a lot of places, such as at the beginning of sentences. You need to reread it and then you'll relize all the mistakes.
2: Commas. You missed commas in a lot of places, such as before and after quotes and in sentences.
3:Length. It was short. It was too fast-paced. If you describe the characters more it MIGHT fill it in more.
4: Details. You didn't describe the setting or the characters. You need more details then the readers will get a better understanding of the story.
5: Spelling. Spelling is crucial for a story because if they can't read it people can't understand it. You have a lot of these such as
You need to reread it and then find all the mistakes. PM me if you have any questions or anything else. I hope I wasn't mean or anything. It was a good story though.
Ahem. Well, I liked the story. I just didn't like the:
1: Poor spelling. You didn't capitalize words many times, far too many to point out.
2: Poor punctuation. You're missing comma's in a lot of places.
3: It was too short. I know it's a short story, but it's too short for a short story, if that makes any sense. XD
What I'm saying is, edit this story. A lot. Use a spell check button, it helps. Also, make it longer. At least 600 characters. After you do this, it'll be a great story that's sweet, beautifully written, grammically correct, and at a reasonably length. I liked the story.
Best of luck.
- Ariel
Cute. I like it, haha.
Wow this was a really cute love story. There is nothing that would've made that better.