Published May 6, 2009
This is my first poem on this site, I just joined today. Be gently with reviews ^.^. Orginally written for my young cousin's funeral actually/
My angel
The rain that falls on the ground,
It matches the tears that fall from my eyes,
For my angel,
I lost my angel not so long ago,
But still she carries me through,
watching me as I walk through life without her to hold,
Hand in hand her spirit walks beside me,
As I cross the rain splashed street,
"I love you mom" The voice seems to say.
I cry again as I walk and the feeling disappears.
My one and only angel.
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
oh my goodness!!!!!!
this is an amazing piece!!!!
you could not have made it any more touching.
the emotion the reader experiences while reading this is undescribeable!!!!!
there is so much grief within it which shows that alot of thought went into writing it.
well done!!!
keep writing!
-soul destroyer
Awww. It made my spine tingle. It's very sad, and heartfelt.
'I lost my angel not so long ago' that is such a... heart-wrenching line. It's beautiful, and my favourite in the poem.
I can just imagine walking down a dreary street with a sad angel watching me, even though I don't believe such things, whispering words comfortingly.
The ending line is very dramatic and wraps it up nicely.
It does go a little heavy at the first two lines (rain + tears tend to be a little too 'pity me', I;m afraid), but the rest is a delicate lace of... gentle sorrow.
To quote Roy: Like tears... Tears... in rain.
And I'm sorry for your loss. Such a shame that the young should die.
Hi there!
The poem you wrote is really amazing
It brings out a lot of emotion.
I actually almost started crying reading it....so you can imagine how real it feels.
I like small, simple and sweet poems,
So the poem is definitely one of my favourites!
I just wanted to point out that you can omit '"It" from the second line.
the line sounds better without the it.
Overall the poem is just terrific!!
and i really liked it so
keep writing!
Hiya!
This was a very lovely poem. Two minor things:
"My angle" is a bit repetitive here. You can replace it with "her" or simply omit it completely. ^_^
I just find the mention of "not holding" seems to contradict the mention of holding hands. That could just be me, though.
Flow: Even though some lines were a bit longer then the rest, I didn't find anything too jarring. The flow is just beautifully done.
Meaning: Even though this poem is very simple, it fits the meaning and conveys the emotions needed. Nice work!
Overall: This is just beautiful, and I can see it being read at a young person's funeral. Very nice work. ^_^
Questions? PM me.
~Rosey
i liked it . Ift was verry realistic and made me feel like i was there. i like the way you oppen with the comparison between tears and rain i like to think of the rain as a shield 'cause when you're crying in the rain no one can tell unless they look really close.
Oh, Angel! Such a beautiful piece!
Welcome to YWS, dear. You sure made your way rocking. I'm Kat, nice to meet you, and I will review this lovely piece!
The first line is a nice start, and I saw nothing wrong with it.
On the second line, you should take out the it. It sounds awkward, or badly worded like that. It's just there for nothing. Read these two lines again, out loud, and I believe you'll see what I mean.
Also, don't capitalize the 'it'. I just wanted to point out, that you don't need to capitalize every first word of a new line. Generally, when the line above ends with a comma, you shouldn't capitalize it. But as in everything, there are exceptions.
You can easily pass this problem; capitalizing and punctuation in poetry are much alike to the ones in fiction.
Comma after 'angel', in the first line. Again, don't capitalize the 'but'. The 'still' is tricky. Either you put it between commas, or you put it after 'she'.
The third line is too long. You have a good paced rhythm, and that line ruins it. Try to brake it down, but don't forget to put punctuation (I'm such a grammar freak xD).
Comma after the second 'hand', on the forth line. Don't capitalize the 'as'.
Comma after 'mom'. Don't capitalize 'the'. Seems, should be seemed. You jumped tenses here.
Comma after 'again'. You cried again? You didn't mentioned that you cried before. Try to put that clearer.
Good end ;D
This was a nice poem; simple, small and cute. I believe this is from the mothers side of view? At least, it was what it seemed like. The imagery was good, you also put some description of your surroundings. And feelings! Emotion! It was patent, here.
Keep up the good work!
*Kat*
Thanks, i understand that because of the whole thing it's hard to understand, I orginally wrote it for a funeral of a little baby cousin of mine to be put in the funeral program or whatever you want to call it. I've tried several different ways to get it submitted but appearently the teacher that ran the creative arts did not like it very well. (Then again I did find out he does change people's work)
I loved this!
It was really good and I loved it. It was so dramatic and it really made me think about all of what you were saying.
I'm not a very good critique so I wouldn't take my review to seriously! But even though that is true I will try to do the best I can to review you poem!
This poem was really good in my opinion. It's full of loads of different feelings. It was truly gripping and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
It almost felt as if I was the main character of your poem and I absolutely love it when a poem or a story has that effect on me.
The first line of the poem was an excellent opener and you did do something that many other poets find hard to do by saying little but saying a lot. You should definitely be proud of that! I really like the title as well!
I didn't really understand the poem much but that is only because I'm not very good at reviewing and I get confused easily. The better the poem the more I seem to not understand it!
I'm no good at negative comments, so think of this as your compliment review!
Overall, I adored your poem!
I can't wait to read more!
Keep writing