Published August 23, 2008
please review ma work and help me improve .....n do suggest a name too.
What's faith?
I don't think it exists
What's happiness?
No one would let you own it
What's love?
It's a mere tale of two days
What's truth?
Its just another lie coming up
What's right
What's wrong
You cannot judge
You cannot tell
The world is different today
You cannot trust
You better not
Or you may find yourself caught
In a cage of your own emotions
In a room of your own memories....
You'll scream
You'll shout
To get rid of those unbearable thoughts
That remind you of a liar
Who never turned up
To see where you lie
How you are
Where you've been.....
Protect yourself
Don't step into this place
Because sooner or later
You'll discover for yourself
The ones you believe
Are the one's who break your shield......
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I love the truth to this poem, because it's a simple fact that if you trust anyone, you will soon get hurt. everyone goes through life with pain, and i love how every audience can relate to this.
But atleast there's someone who will never fail you- God. :]
if you learn to put trust in him, you'll never have falling faith again.
Don't put your faith in people...put it on God.
hey
thanks a lot......
u just made me notice my silly mistakes.....
i got what you said.....and would try to improve upon my problems....
hav a great time...
Good poem. I like what you called it, "Falling Faith."
There are several technical points I noticed you could fix:
It's a mere tale of two days.
"Liar" is the correct spelling.
"Ones" should not contain an apostrophe in either of these lines. Also, since none of the rest of your poem rhymes, these last lines shouldn't, either. It throws the reader off.
This poem has a rather choppy rhythm. Some parts of it run smoothly, and some parts of it just don't flow very well. You might want to consider evening out the lines a little bit so they read more smoothly.
The message of the poem is good. However, the way you've written it seems too generic. There are thousands of poems out there in which the disillusioned writer laments that the world is too dangerous and uncaring, and a little human soul will get crushed. Tell us why the world is harsh and cruel. Tell us why the speaker has lost faith. What has the speaker's experience been; what have they been through? By making your poem unique and personal, you'll also make it more memorable for the reader.
Overall, good job and keep writing!