My Eyes In The Sea

Timmy here for a quick review!

I wrote this before, but somehow it was deleted.... *looks around suspiciously* I wonder who did it?

Nitpicks

My eyes tanned of the isolating sun ---Maybe, tanned from the isolating sun?

Refused to refuge behind their lids ---Refused to refuge sounds a little awkward.

Might they lose a friendly one ! ---There shouldn't be a space inbetween that last word and the exclamation mark.

Dashed, they in the uncertain, cold sea ----That line is a little awkward to read... Maybe, Dashed into the uncertain, cold sea?

Your sweet rope slowly pulled me ! ---You don't need a space there either in-between the last word and the exclamation mark.

Advancing in hope , sacrificing to cope ---Here you break up the rhythm of your poem by having hope and cope rhyme on the same line... I don't know what would fix it, but it doesn't sound right to read.

Faving time and Style!

Ok, so I really enjoyed this poem. Maybe be its just me, but I detected a hopeful thought throughout this entire piece, but it was dashed at the end when you drowned by guilt... I love how you wrote this... The descriptions were vivid, but without the use of heavy words and heavy imagery. There is a difference between heavy and vivid imagery. Most people just don't think there is... I always think that the least amount of imagery you can put in there with the most vivid description is always best, so that they can focus on your actual story instead of the words. Get lost inside it, per se.

Anyway, I am getting off track. This was an amazing piece of poetry. I like how you compared it all to ships, the sea, and drowning in guilt. That was perfect.

My favorite part would have to be...

I drowned of guilt than of the sea ---This says it all right here. I love this line. Its says so much in few words.

I think that is all I have to say on this piece! Great job and I am looking forward to more from you!
~Darth Timmyjake

Hello, hello, hello!
I might as well get straight to it! Just read this first ---->

Spoiler

As a fellow poet myself, I know that not all reviews are helpful in the writers eyes. So, if you want to completely disregard what I have to say and my suggestion, go for it! It's your piece and what I have to say is only opinion. If you think it is perfect the way you have it, then leave it as so. It's all up to you! ^_^

Sailing aboard a lost boat I think there should be a comma here.
My eyes tanned of the isolating sun I think there should be a comma here too.
Refused to refuge behind their lids I think there should be a comma here as well.
Might they lose I think that if you put a comma here and put the rest of the line down on a separate line it would have more of a dramatic impact. a friendly one !There doesn't need to be a space before "!" it draws the readers eyes away and doesn't make it seem as direct.

When out of the blueComma
They caught the breathtaking youPeriod
Dashed, they in the uncertain, cold seaMaybe a semi-colon should go here, but I could be wrong.
Your sweet rope slowly pulled I think it would sound better if you add the word "at" right here. me !Again, you don't need the space before the "!" for the same reason as stated above.

Advancing in hope , There doesn't need to be a space before the comma, only one after it which you have. sacrificing to copeComma
I lost my boat to that risky adventurePeriod
When you slashed the hypnotic ropeComma
You have a random extra space here that doesn't need to be here even if you are trying to make it more dramatic.
I drowned of guilt If you want to make it more dramatic I suggest that you place a comma here and have the rest of the sentence be on a line below it.than of the seaPeriod

Now that I'm done critiquing, I shall tell you my favorite part of your poem!

When out of the blue
They caught the breathtaking you

I find this to be metaphorical and literal. Most people are like "Blah blah out of the blue blah blah blah" and use it to mean just appeared, but you are also out at sea in this, like you are surrounded by water and there the person is admits all the blue. The breathtaking part is nice use of descriptive language as well! ^_^

This is a really good piece you have here, I can't wait for you to post more so I can read more!
Keep writing,
tkpejb