we could try to
identify ourselves, limitless, searching for
a place to fit into, a list of the things that can be
loved and not loved,
a diagnosis of personality.
pushing to mark, to bury, to be identifiable and
infallible, a three hundred and sixty person,
with needs and wants and connections. A person
moored and structured in life, no more
adrift,
a paper boat on
moving water.
to paint my nails and my face as though I am still
normal, to force myself to eat breakfast and then
fall the rest of the day (as though it never mattered)
to sit and put words on a page to
identify myself. I am still searching for
a place to fit into, after all these years of writing
lists and lines, things that will
fix me, evolve me, transform a person so
one sided and double sided into
a girl not searching for an outlet beyond,
an indefinable newness and release
an impossible freedom.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
That was incredible. The way you used so many marvelous words in such a small space was great. The image you created was something i could really relate to, and your formation of words just seemed amazing. I dont have a single critic, and my only suggestion for you is to keep writing!
wow. Really, i loved it. You are obviously an excellent poet.
I have extremely little criticism about this, but here it is...
I think that the line breaks are a little bit awkward in the first stanza. They were appropriate in some places, and not so much in others - it just made me stumble as i read and distracted me from the wonderful use of other writing techniques. Secondly, and lastly, actually, the last two lines irritate me. I don't know why. I just think that they don't serve a purpose. You've given the impression of them before, all throughout the poem and they aren't nearly as interesting as what you've written before. so my idea - scrap them! take them out completely and leave it with the line about freedom.
Obviously, these are just little suggestions - i'm just being picky - but if you, like me, always want to know on ways to improve, then i hope i've helped you!
best of luck with other stuff - i'll keep an eye out for it!
from Charlie. ^^