z

Young Writers Society


16+

Cry Wolf: Chapter 2

by anabelsinclair


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Chapter Two

What do you know about werewolves?”

He looked up to the Ylf sitting opposite him and raised an eyebrow. “They dont exist.” That was his automatic reply but his boss’s smile instantly summoned a frown over his brow. “But of course, next you’ll tell me that everything Hollywood’s ever posted up as an urban legend is actually real.”

Flitchling shrugged, his chopsticks moving through the air with an elegant twist of his wrist. “Not everything, but there is no such thing as a smoke without fire. Yes Aubrey,” he continued with a longsuffering sigh upon seeing his assistant’s expression, “Werewolves are as real as the Sidhe.”

Really?”

“Indeed.

There was a long pause, and then Aubrey frowned. “So you mean they really turn into wolves during the full moon and then go about attacking and eating other people?”

Flitchling rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I am quite certain that the majority of the population do not run rampage, feasting on human flesh. The lore changes depending on where you go; but the one truth they all hold common is the belief that they are the descendants of an ancient animal spirit. Some say this Spirit mated with the Moon to give rise to the race, others believe he chose to live among humans when the species first appeared on the planet. I personally believe there is more to the story than that, seeing as there are differences between a Werewolf and a true Shifter.” He stopped, realizing that the younger man was still trying to digest this revelation, and turned his attention back on his plate. They were having lunch at one of the many restaurants that he favored around town.

So why are you telling me this now?” Aubrey knew he sounded suspicious but it paid to be on guard when dealing with his boss.

I want you to have some knowledge of the peripheral facts before we meet our new client,” Flitchling easily replied and he stiffened.

The peripheral facts…because our new client is a werewolf.”

Precisely, and it will not do to have you at a disadvantage in any form,” the Ylf continued. “Now listen to me; throughout our interview, I expect you to remain respectful and polite. Keep your eyes to yourself—otherwise our client may interpret your interest as a challenge. Maintain a calm demeanor, no matter how emotional the meeting may seem to get, and leave all talking to me. I would like for this to be a learning experience from which you walk out unscathed. If there is one thing you must keep in mind it is this: above all, do not get confrontational with a werewolf. They are faster and stronger than any human and you will only get hurt.”

Their eyes met and he smiled reassuringly as the younger man nodded weakly.

This is beginning to sound dangerous.”

***

Aubrey’s eyes snapped open and he sat upright. Someone was knocking on the door, and he could already guess who. It wasn’t as if they were actually going to leave him alone for the whole day. He opened the door to Silas and returned to his seat without a word. Flitchling warned him about not standing toe to toe with the damn werewolves but he didn’t say anything about having to acknowledge them all the time.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about the whole juice thing this morning. I wasn’t watching what I was doing and my hand kind of slipped.”

Silas slumped unto the sofa, his smaller form somehow managing to leave a deeper indentation on the foam. There was no response from the human, whose face was shielded from view with one arm.

“Yo I know you ain’t sleeping.”

Still no reply.

“Kiddo.”

“I said stop calling me that,” Aubrey finally murmured in a bored tone. This was the usual rigmarole; his handler acted like a puppy with a new chew toy. Silas was just going to keep toying with him until he snapped and lost his temper. It was amazing how he never forgot the warnings around their pain in the ass Alpha but found it easy to do so with the ‘weakest’ of the bunch.

“Okay fine…’Bree.”

“My name is fucking Aubrey.”

Silas’s smile widened. “Jeeze…all right, Fucking Aubrey, we cool?”

The human murmured something under his breath and turned away.

“I didn’t hear that.”

“I thought y’all were supposed to have super senses, figure it out.”

Silas rolled his eyes and propped his feet on the coffee table. “Yeah but we don’t hear at the whining range, so you gotta speak up.”

Aubrey shook his head, chuckling in spite of himself. “Whatever man.” There was no point to staying angry with the other boy. “Fine, we’re cool, until the next time your hand slips.”

Silas made a soft sound and it came out as a cross between a growl and a laugh. “Better make sure you can back that up.”

They sat in companionable silence while Aubrey continued to flip the channels, stopping now and then on a sports’ channel just for the fun of hearing his guard’s constant vituperative comments about the athlete’s performances.

“Look at that guy, he’s frickin’ running like he’s carrying a 9 month pregnancy. You call that a dunk, ya overpaid bum! I swear we need to buy our own teams, just so we can show these wusses what real contact sport looks like.”

The human hid his smile as the other boy continued to rail at the television. “Why don’t you just try out for the teams? There ain’t no way you won’t make the draft.”

Silas shrugged and sank back down, crossing his arms as what looked suspiciously like a pout formed around his lips. “Screw that man; it won’t even be a challenge. Besides, eventually people start asking questions. How will I explain checking out every month to the coaches, especially during the playoffs?”

Aubrey never thought of it like that but then realized the dangers of exposure posed to a werewolf living among humans. It would be hard explaining their pack mentality, or trying to downplay the obvious physical advantages and what if they had children? “Yeah I guess…but you get to play head to head with the other guys, right?”

The werewolf made a noncommittal sound and looked away, but not before his charge caught the flickering emotions in his eyes. Was it possible that he felt lonely even among the pack?

“Well fuck this boring ass shit, game room?”

Aubrey was surprised at the invitation; he'd never been in the much exulted multi-console game room and only heard of its glories in passing.

Silas noticed his expression and shrugged. “The others are out in town.”

“So you’re stuck with me. I knew there was a reason you came down here,” the human finished, feigning umbrage. He was surprised once again by the guilt in the other boy’s eyes as he got to his feet.

“Whatever man, you should be glad I’m even hanging with you. So, are you game or what?”

This was a good as any chance to have a feel for the layout of the other parts of the mansion. “Sure I’m game, get ready to be schooled in Brawl.”

The werewolf made his growl/laugh sound again, eyes crinkling with mischief. “Like I said before, the talk is dirt cheap.”

“And that is what I call pwnage,” Aubrey crowed exultantly as his video game character sent his opponent’s flying across the screen. Silas rolled his eyes and shoved his controller aside.

“You just got lucky.”

“Yeah, four times in a row,” the human pointed out with an unforgiving grin, dodging from a mock punch swung his way. “So, one more round? I want to kick your ass with Samus.”

Silas chuckled and got to his feet, “Nah I’m done man.”

“What, you’re too chicken to face a girl?”

“Lunch time idiot, I’m hungry!”

He pointed to the clock and Aubrey realized that they’d been playing nonstop for the past two hours. His stomach growled in confirmation and the other boy grinned, sauntering toward the door.

“Looks like I’m not the only one.”

They both ambled to the kitchen amidst companionable banter and Aubrey opened one of the large sized refrigerators. “Okay, turkey or ham?”

Silas leaned over his shoulder and reached for a different option. “How about roast beef?” He dragged out an enormous platter and the other boy snorted in laughter.

“Roast beef or buffalo?”

The Eta rolled his eyes and slammed his load on the table, along with a loaf of sliced bread and condiments. Aubrey watched him pile on layer upon layer until the two plates were almost at his eye level. “Whoa, whoa! Who do I look like, Jabba?”

Silas made a growling sound, tipping half of what was on his charge’s plate unto his. “Shut up and quit complaining already.”

A few minutes later, they settled on one of the dining tables—or rather, Aubrey sat on the table while his handler moved restlessly from place to place. In the relative silence of the room, he was struck by how deserted the whole house felt. “Hey, why didn’t you go to town with the others?”

Silas looked up from his mountainous sandwich and shrugged. “Someone’s got to watch your sorry ass, right? It’s bad enough that you don’t even remember who you are.”

Right, the working story.

“Besides, I dunno, I guess I just wanted my own space. I mean, you don’t always want to hang out with people.”

Aubrey considered his words and nodded slowly. “Sure, I know the feeling sometimes.” He remembered his own days of self imposed isolation, when even the best of companies had little appeal. More recently however, those kinds of days have been coming few and far between. Perhaps it had to do with hanging out around Flitchling and the excitement that came with his job. He turned to the werewolf, careful not to sound too interested in the topic. “So I guess you were born last… that’s how y’all do the power rankings, right?”

Silas replied through a mouthful of sandwich, his words garbled and muffled. “Kinda, I suppose. Well actually it’s more like my folks gave birth to me last. You don’t see any kids around right? Well that’s because our bodies are wired different from humans. We live a lot longer and so there’s no rush to have kids. Alphas usually pass on the trait to their kids—”

“So you were screwed twice,” Aubrey finished with a grin and had to duck from the projectile hurled his way.

“Fuck off. It’s nothing like that—my pack is my family. I’d die for them and they’d die for me, simple as that… forget it, you won’t understand.”

They sat in silence for a while and he mulled over that statement. Perhaps Silas was right; orphaned as a toddler, he had no concept of the word family anymore and was used to being alone. Still he had to wonder whether the companionship and togetherness the other boy harped on was really worth the bottom rank treatment he got from Zander. “All right, since we’re on the whole topic, why don’t you give me a tour around the place?” Silas’s eyebrows shot into the air and he hastily continued, “Well ain’t much more carnage you can do to that sandwich, I’m bored as hell and I’ve reached by Brawl ass kicking limit for today.”

“Yeah right, Zander was clear about you not wandering around. Do you understand what that means? It means he better not catch your tail anywhere else but your room.”

“Everyone else is in town so who’s gonna tell him? And I’m not wandering around—I’m just tagging along with you,” Aubrey countered and the other boy scowled. Their eyes met for a moment, and then he added, “We’re already breaking the rules…might as well go all the way.”

This time, the werewolf was the waver. He sighed and got to his feet, the stool beneath him groaning from the impact. “Fine but this ain’t no open house either.”

Aubrey soon realized that the deserted feel he got from the house was the actual state of things. He looked around and over his shoulder as they climbed the stairs and walked through the corridors, an inquiring frown in place. “What happened to everyone? Come on this place is so big you guys can’t be the only ones here.”

His movements had been restricted to only three places the past eight days in the house but he knew there were many others in the clan. Flitchling had contracted the case from a much older werewolf than Zander, One whom, curiously enough, he called Alpha as well. From what he'd figured out, each pack within the clan had an alpha but some where more important than others. He knew Zander was a direct descedant of Tae but packmates were not necessarily related by blood. Still, where did that put the current pain in his neck on the pecking order?

Silas shrugged as they reached the third floor stairs. He took them four at a time, quickly leaving his charge in the dust. “No duh genius, of course we aren’t but this is the clan House. Everyone’s got separate places. the Elders don’t have to stay here if they don’t want to but we do. This place is packed full of old and important stuff and because we’re the youngest of the bunch, we’re supposed to guard and take care of them. It’s all part of the Tae way of building responsibility and character.”

They both shared a grin at that and he headed off, while Aubrey pondered on what he just heard. It made sense for them to have a special place for clan memorabilia but it was also a perfect place for someone to hide the bone totem. From what Flitchling intimated, very few people actually knew what it looked like and no one would notice one more object among the many relics they probably kept in the House. “So where do you keep all this important stuff?”

The Eta made a scoffing sound. “Right, like I’d tell you. What part of guard and protect didn’t you get? This is all you’re getting from this tour.”

They were standing at the top floor, in a narrow hallway lined along the sides by portraits of Tae family members. Aubrey nodded agreeably, planting his hands on his hips as he discreetly looked around. No matter, he intended to conduct a more personal and thorough tour of his own anyway. Time was already against them and the best chance to do so would probably be tonight, while everyone was asleep. That is, if the werewolves even slept. It was a possibility he had to prepare for-

“So, what’s with you and Anita? I see you guys have been chatty and all.”

He blinked and turned to the werewolf, who gave him a level look. The seconds ticked by while he tried to figure out the reasoning behind the question. So Silas noticed that they were friendly, or at least Anita was, but what was the big deal? They weren’t doing anythin, so why did he suddenly feel the need to defend himself?

“What do you mean? She’s nice and all…”

Aubrey deliberately trailed off, hoping for some sort of clue from the other boy.

“She’s hot.”

Stating the obvious but well…

“Yeah she is, so what?”

He had the distinct feeling that Silas was leading him into something. The other boy shifted, leaning back against the wall behind him. “So do you like her?”

Aubrey shrugged and took a few steps back to the opposite wall. “Damn what’s up with the third degree—something I should know?” He knew they weren’t together, hell Silas didn’t seem to be ‘together’ with any of the other girls, but there was a possessive note in his voice.

“Not much. Stay away from her…”

Or else

“Or else what,” he countered as he stared right into the other boy’s dark gaze. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Silence grew. It hung thick and heavy in the air. Was this what it meant to challenge a werewolf? Silas didn’t seem to move, but suddenly he was standing just a hairsbreadth away. Aubrey had a growing certainty that he was in trouble, especially when a low growl escaped his handler’s lips. Their eyes met and held for a long moment, during which he began to grasp the difference between the two of them. He watched the other boy's eyes dilate from dark brown to rich amber and sucked in a sharp breath, mentally preparing for what was sure to come. He'd fucked up now, and forgotten all of Flitchling's warnings about exactly these kinds of situations. One heartbeat....two...

Silas dropped his gaze first and took a step backward, shaking his head with a rueful expression. “You really have no idea what you’re doing…what you’re walking into.”

Aubrey swallowed down the adrenaline rushing through his system and risked a glance at his handler. "W-what are you talking abou-"

“Tour’s over. Time to go back to your room.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bone totem is the most powerful object in werewolf tradition. It is also their most respected relic…to hear that it has gone missing is very troublesome news indeed.” Flitchling looked up from the folder in his hand and across the room to his assistant, whose expression showed suitable appreciation of the gravity of his words, if not understanding, and he sighed.

“The totem is one of the pieces separated from what is said to be the original remains of the First One. The First One is the Werewolf lore’s Alpha progenitor of the race. He was thus the most powerful of their kind and his remains retain some of that potency.”

Aubrey nodded slowly as he began to follow the thread of the story. They had just returned from the meeting with their client and his boss was going over the particulars of their case. “So what kind of power are we talking about?”

The Ylf raised a shoulder in an elegant shrug, lightly tapping the papers spilling from the folder. “Oh, powers primordial—the possessor of the First One’s remains would gain increased strength and vitality, an instant lure for anyone trying to become Alpha. More importantly, one empowered would be able to cross the natural barrier by creating as many offspring as he or she wants without the need to reproduce.”

Silence followed his words and a frown of confusion appeared on the younger man’s brow. “Wait—you mean they can’t now? I thought werewolves infect other people by bite.”

That is just more of your urban legends.” Flitchling leaned back in his seat as amusement spilled into his voice. “They are a predatory species like their canine counterparts, and yes their nature is intricately tied to the Lunar Cycle, but that is where the stories come short. A werewolf is born, just like you were, and nothing will come off a bite from one except a nasty bruise and possible blood loss. I would not advise you to allow yourself to be bitten by one.” But then his expression quickly turned grave. “The exception to the rule, of course, is when the werewolf bears the Bones on his or her person. For many centuries, werewolf clans all over the world fought amongst each other for possession of these remains. The value of such power to any clan is obvious. They achieved nothing from these bloody wars but the decimation of their kind. Eventually a truce was held and a meeting, during which they came to the agreement to separate the remains to every major region in every country in the world, keeping them under guard with neutral parties.”

Understanding slowly dawned in Aubrey’s eyes and he shifted slightly in his chair. “But now the Bone in this region is missing…you think one of the clans here got their hands on it.”

The Ylf nodded and picked up a few large sized photographs from the folder, gesturing that he come see. “That is certainly the case here; only a werewolf would know true value of the totem.”

The teen took the photographs, wincing visibly from the graphic display in each frame. The full picture was that of a man, laying spread-eagled on a large bed, eyes wide open and lips parted in an expression of shock. There were several wide slashes across his chest and abdomen, each revealing some of the flesh beneath his skin. The surrounding room was in complete disarray, with clothes and broken furniture strewn everywhere.

Damn…this is bad.”

Flitchling made a sound of assent, his expression one of cold disgust. “The sheer violence with which he was killed was calculated to leave as much damage as possible to his psyche and soul.”

Not to mention his body, Aubrey added internally, mulling over his boss’s words. “His soul.”

His soul, Aubrey,” the older man intoned as he got to his feet. “The killer is trying very hard to cover his or her tracks and the first way to do that is by successfully preventing us from raising the dead.” He pried the photographs from his assistant’s frozen fingers and returned them to the folder, tiding his desk with a small smile while he waited for the shock to pass.

Raising the dead.” Aubrey’s voice was a low murmur, his eyes wider than dinner plates.

Raising the dead. This man was Joseph Clearwater, an old acquaintance of mine and a highly respected shaman. He was also the custodian for the Bone totem in this region.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Aubrey paced the length of his small room, pausing now and then to glance at the clock. It was two in the morning, definitely late enough for any stragglers to have turned in, but there was no harm in making sure. He hadn’t seen any of his pack mates all day though he heard sounds of their activities. After their terse conversation, Silas had promptly marched him back to the room and walked away without a word. He was still surprised and not a little confused by the werewolf’s behavior, especially since it was over a girl he had no chance with in the first place. They’d only known each other nine days for crying out loud.

Besides, Aubrey was sure his boss would give him a list of reasons why such an idea would never fly. In fact, he could hear the Ylf’s voice in his head, enumerating the points on said list. He rubbed his face and shook his head; dismissing his thoughts for more serious ones, such as the task at hand. Flitchling had instructed him to, with the slightest opportunity, search the Tae mansion for the Bone totem and the opportunity had finally arrived. Silas’s levity during the day confirmed his suspicions that the other werewolves were beginning to lose their guard around him and wouldn’t be quite on the high alert as they had when he arrived. Nevertheless, they had prepared for this.

Aubrey reached inside his shirt and pulled out the chain adorning his neck. It looked like a pair of plain pewter medallions, hanging from a hemp rope and raised no suspicion from his captors when they first searched him. He removed one of his stud earrings and in a quick move, jabbed the sharp metal into his thumb. The skin burned as a fat bead of blood slowly formed and he dropped it over one medallion. Flitchling worked the cloaking glamorie over the metal with a strand of his hair and assured him that it would only activate when it came in contact with his blood.

The teen paused for a moment and shook his head, laughing at the irony in spite of himself. Three months ago, if anyone had told him that he’d be running around with a half human- half Sidhe, using words like ;glamorie', ‘finding’ things and getting himself locked up in werewolf strongholds, he would have told them to stay off the crack cocaine and stick to just smoking weed. His world had changed so dramatically over such a short period of time, that he was still trying to catch his breath and swim with the currents.

He tossed his ripe gym sweats on the floor to leave a red herring just in case, and quickly exited the room. According to Flitchling Sidhe magic was effective against werewolf senses for only a short period of time, which was why his boss had warned him to make good use of the medallion. He estimated a window of little over an hour to search around the house and return to the room before things got hairy.

Aubrey met no one on his way up to the main sections of the house, the corridors surprisingly without any patrols. He wondered just what they’d been up to all day and much of the evening in town. The waxing moon peeked in every now and then from between vaulted windows and columns. Her silvery light was no longer a source of comfort to the teen but a more sinister version of his alarm clock. And time was steadily running out.

He made his way up the stairs and to the top floor, where he suspected the clan kept their memorabilia, ignoring the disapproving stares of the portraits as he walked deeper into the hallway. There was only one set of doors and they were locked. Aubrey was not surprised; he reached into his back pocket for a simple gift card and set to work. The lock was a simple one and within a few minutes, he heard slid the card through and the knob twisted in his hands. He opened the door and carefully walked in, keeping an eye out for bugs or hidden alarms. There was none. Obviously the clan was confident of their natural security and didn’t see the need to invest in professional work.

The room took up most of the space in the top floor; as far as Aubrey’s eye could see, it was lined from wall to wall with rows of shelves, each bearing an object. A few pedestals stood in his way and he passed by mounted heads of moose, several smaller deer and even a snarling cougar. There were animal hides stretched against the walls and floor, alongside bales of different cloth, all probably handmade and priceless. He walked down the main aisle twice and shook his head. No way could he point out the Bone totem from this conglomeration without help, particularly since he didn’t even know what it looked like. But they’d also prepared for this. Hidden or not, the Bone totem was a magical object; and according to Flitchling, magic responded to magic. The second of the medallion was enchanted to work like a litmus test—it would react if it came in contact with something that potent.

Aubrey knew he didn’t have too much time, so he briskly swept through each small aisle and corner from end to end but there was no response. He slowly swiveled along a spot with a sigh. It looked as though the Tae house was in the clear after all. At least, the teen wouldn’t have to worry about being turned into a werewolf any time soon. There was nothing left to do in the room; he locked the door and wiped away any trace of nick marks against the metal before making his way to the stairs. Aubrey was well on his descent when a rapidly moving shape below made him freeze and duck. Shit, he’d been caught! He took a deep breath and then remembered the cloaking Glamorie, feeling a little foolish for being so jumpy. It wasn’t as if whoever it was could see him anyway, he mused, confidently taking the rest of the stairs. All he had to do was quietly pass by and mosey on to his room. No sweat.

The person was male, muscular but not quite as tall as Zander. He stood facing the main door. Aubrey would have walked on by had he not noticed that he was fully dressed and even had a coat on. Something about that observation made him pause and hug the shadows along the wall for another moment. What was he doing about so late, and without anyone else? He answered that internal question himself; perhaps the Alpha was holding court after all. The figure half turned and Aubrey recognized him. What was his name—Blake? Blair?

He half paced about the doors, constantly checking his cell phone as though expecting a call. Everything about the Werewolf’s demeanor was fidgety and the teen frowned slightly. Something didn’t seem right. He crept closer and nearly stumbled when the relative silence was shattered by a raucous burst of hip-hop music. Blair or Blake quickly silenced the machine and brought it to his face.

“You are fucking late.”

He managed to inject a surprising amount of venom into the terse statement and Aubrey felt his wrongness meter jump.

“Don’t speak to me in that tone; I have kept up my end of the deal but you’ve been AWOL for the past three days,” Blair snarled in response to whatever his caller said, dramatically slashing the head off an invisible assailant. “I’ve told you already, no one suspects a thing here. The arrogant prick hasn’t even bothered consulting with the members of his pack because no one would ever think of crossing Leland’s scion.” His words dripped acrimony and Aubrey instantly knew who the He in question was. He smirked in agreement but the jovial expression died with the Werewolf’s next words.

“He expects us to hang to his every word but not anymore. I can’t wait to see the expression on his face when I challenge him.” He chuckled darkly and reached up to the sky, seeming to hold the moon in his hands. “Yeah, I can already feel the Moon tide rising in me and when the full moon rises, with the Bone totem I shall be unstoppable. Finally, we’ll bring down Leland and his whelp’s chokehold on the House of Tae.”

He made another dismissive gesture and turned away, walking dangerously close to the wall behind which the human stood. Aubrey held his breath, remembering afterward that he was still under the Glamorie.

“Until then, we keep communications with each other as minimum as possible. I don’t want to rouse any suspicions.” Blaire shut the cell phone off and continued walking deeper into the shadows, the teen’s eyes following his every move.

This was it—this was the lead they’d been looking for. So the House was involved with the stolen bone, but not in the way they had suspected. It seemed that the defector had help from the outside, and with an internal struggle in the offing Aubrey realized his safety was no longer guaranteed. His best option would be to warn Zander about the impending danger. Silas had said that the bond between pack mates was as strong, if not stronger, than that between members of the same family. Would the Alpha take the word of an outsider, a human, over that of his own?


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1634 Reviews


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Sat Apr 12, 2014 10:34 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Hey Anabel!

I know I am very late when it comes to reading this but life has been hectic lately... and so has my to-review list. But I am here now!

I don't have much critique for you. My first thing would really be to cut this chapter into two parts because it was far too long for a YWS post. Next thing would be that a brief read through your chapter might've helped you solve many of those nitpicks before they were pointed out. Some reviewers have already covered those for you, so I won't repeat. Just in case they haven't got all the ones I was expecting them to, then maybe you should still check over it.

As I mentioned in the review before this sometimes there was still a bit of confusion as to who was speaking. I would've liked, especially in the beginning of the chapter when Silas first walks in, for there to have been more tags with dialogue so I know who was speaking. But apart from that the dialogue all flows smoothly and works well.

I loved the usage of the glamorie; it was just what Aubrey needed for his mission and it's good to see how trusted and educated he has become with Flitching's help. I know you can't be seen while using a glamorie, and most times people can still touch you and know something is there, although the something is invisible. I wondered if the same went for the glamorie Aubrey is using. Can people touch him or do they just go straight through him like he's some sort of projection?

I liked the story but I cannot remember Aubrey spending a lot of time with someone called Anita... did I miss something in a previous chapter? If I did, then please correct me. If not, maybe before this chapter we should see them spending time together and having a bit of fun?

Nice cliffhanger at the end there ;) It makes me want to read more so I can see what Aubrey is going to do about his situation! As always, let me know when you post the next chapter. A quick post on my wall with the link would be much appreciated ^^

Deanie x




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Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:22 pm
Kale wrote a review...



Hello there, anabelsinclair. I, a bold Knight of the Green Room, am here to review you on this fine Review Day. I hope you don't mind.

I should also note that I haven't read the previous part, so if I bring up something already addressed earlier, feel free to disregard it.

With that said, the weakest aspect of this was the grammar. You have quite a few misspelled and misused words scattered throughout, such as an "unto" instead of an "onto" and "rampage" instead of "rampant". Fixing those up would really help polish this chapter. Also, while not grammatically incorrect, "growl/laugh" is a very strange thing to come across in the narration. Seeing the slash really threw me for a loop and knocked me clear out of the story. Changing it to "growl-laugh" will make it look less odd, which will prevent other readers from getting knocked out of the story by the oddity.

“And that is what I call pwnage,”

You seem to be missing a scene break here.

paced the length of his small room,

And the beginning of this scene is missing.

You might want to fix these.

Overall though, the pacing of this was excellent, and this chapter definitely held my attention all the way through, grammar hiccups aside. With a bit more polishing, this would be excellent.






Hi Kyllorac,
Thanks for the read and review.
Ah grammatical errors, the bane of my existence. I will smooth out the hiccups. For some reason, my line breaks did not make it properly into the text.
I'll keep a look out for that in the future.



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Sun Mar 30, 2014 9:58 pm
Iggy wrote a review...



Hi!

Okay, so first off, this is a really long chapter. I highly suggest you break it up into two parts or cut out some things. There were some parts that tended to ramble, so if you cut some of those out, this should shorten and become a bit easier to critique.

I haven't read the first chapter, so forgive me if I get some things wrong.

But from what I've seen, you're good at explaining things! I love how you include information on the wolves and their past and things to know about them in the italics as it's being explained to Aubrey, as if it was already explained prior and he's just remembering it.

Silas seems like a cool guy, who is, for the most part, chill and nice until you push a button or cross a line. He seems to be very protective of his pact and you can tell this from his actions and words.

Aubrey seems to be taking all of this very well, considering he's a human and they're all werewolves xD I like his personality. He seems to be a well developed character.

Overall, this looks like it's off to a good start! Very factual, very detailed, and well organized. A bit lengthy, but still, nice work. ^^






Hi Iggy,
Many thanks for the review.
You're right, it is a long chapter...I tried breaking it but for continuity's sake I had to just leave it as is.
I'm glad you've taken a liking to the characters. Aubrey is quite sanguine about his predicament, but then he's had a whole story full of supernatural hijinks to toughen him.



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Thu Mar 20, 2014 4:09 pm
IamTraunt wrote a review...



Hey! IamTraunt here!
Your story is very detailed and descriptive! Well done!
Just a few things you need to correct:
"They don(')t exist.” That was his automatic reply but his boss’s"
"Yes(,) Aubrey,” - comma needed
"population do not run rampage, feasting on human flesh. The (law) changes depending on where you go; but the one truth" think you meant 'law' not 'lore'.

Just some little things you need to change. I found the more I read, the more I had to read. Your story is definitely interesting. Keep up the good work!






Hi IamTraunt,
Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I will certainly take your suggestions to mind. :)



IamTraunt says...


No problem! Sorry it was short but I had just started YWS :-) And if you need anything else review just message me! :-p




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