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Young Writers Society


16+

Blood Haven: Chapter 8

by anabelsinclair


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Undertow

New Orleans: 1920

Eugenie returned home earlier than usual that night. Perhaps it was because of the little find she’d encountered with Darrin during the day, but she’d suddenly had the urge to kiss her boys goodnight. Nevermind that the children have been asleep since sunset, and the maids would have a time of it settling them back down.

And so she crossed the threshold with an expectant smile, even as the butler took her coat.

“Good evening Madam, Monseiur requests your presence at the earliest convenience.”

That jolted Eugenie out of her thoughts and into the present. She blinked and regarded him for a heartbeat, before acknowledging his words.

“He is in...”

“The guest parlour, Madam.”

He faded into the background, leaving her alone in the landing. She took a deep breath, chainmail falling over her shoulders with the first purposeful step.

He was back, after five months. But then what use was a leash, if not to be pulled? Eugenie started for the stairs, and the inevitable reunion with her husband.

Ten years ago, before she was wiser, she was the dutiful girl fulfilling her grandmother’s wishes at the marriage pagoda. How else was she supposed to repay her venerable Nainai of the humiliation of raising a half breed bastard? Her mother had brought such shame to their unsullied family name, and then had the cowardice of dying on the birthing stool. For years all Mei Wan had heard was how much of a troublesome inconvenience she was for everyone; at least a son would have been useful but who would marry a woman of such inauspicious birth?

It had gotten worse when she grew up to be beautiful. At first she’d tried fending off the unwanted advances, the barely hidden brushes against her body by garlic and wine breathed ‘Uncles’, the brazen gropes by cousins and friends of the family. But eventually, she learned to block it out of her mind, to stay still and let her thoughts drift away from what was happening. After all, she was only going to end up like Nainai always said: mistress to a lesser ranked but reasonably wealthy member of the clan. A ornamental whore was still a valuable token. When the unexpected proposal came, her grandmother’s excitement was only surpassed by her own relief.

That should have been her first warning sign. The wealthy and mysterious Luo Feng was reputed to be worldly and well traveled. Even though he had no family, and few knew the source of his wealth, he had friends everywhere in the city, high and low. Surely a man of such stature would do better than the unwanted child of a fading, though respected, clan?

Marriage ceremonies are lengthy affairs between families, with several arranged trysts between the couple but Feng had made his intentions known from the very first meeting. It was there that she had received her second warning. She remembered staring at the charming, well dressed man; he was handsome as a god but with eyes so cold, so … empty.

It didn’t matter: this was her knight come right in the nick of time. It didn’t matter that he barely met her gaze, or that her insides inexplicably shuddered the few times that he did. It was as grandmother said -- he was rich and didn’t care about her background. A girl like her should be grateful for such, and be an obedient wife to him.

It didn’t matter that he never touched her on their wedding night or for weeks after, even when she left her bedroom door ajar like she’d been told to.

Eugenie climbed the last flight of stairs to the topmost section of the house, where they received guests.

It had all started with a descent; curiosity had led her to the basement corridors and the suite with metal doors. Left to her own devices, and with no other company save the servants, she had taken to redecorating the house. This was about three months into their marriage.

No one told her otherwise, nothing barred her entry; there were no sentries at guard and the doors were all open. In retrospect she’d reasoned that it was only a matter of time before it happened. Or perhaps he’d planned it all that way, perhaps he’d decided that it was time to lift the veil.

She’d walked through the doors and into the first room; it was filled with women’s clothes and finery, all of foreign cuts and styles, none of which were intended for Mei Wan in her Cheongsams and Qipaos… staring with wonder at the surprising display, she’d stumbled into the next room. The cold of it nearly took her breath away, as she navigated through the belts, whips and chains, the cruel looking devices which she would only later know by name. Something in that moment had sent pangs through her stomach, and thought that she ought to turn back now. Eugenie supposed that she should have listened, but in truth it was all inevitable. She kept on walking, into the room without a door. And there it all was: the reason for the unsettling flutter whenever she was alone with her husband and the cold in his eyes that his smiles failed to thaw, not at that first meeting, not ever.

At first she thought it was a mannequin, standing so stiffly on the prop, dressed in French silks and Oriental pearls. Then she wondered at how lifelike it looked with that serene expression, parted lips rouged so flawlessly. Then she saw that it had teeth behind that coy smile. She stared for one heartbeat, and then another, and another, expecting it to open its eyes as it very well should, not knowing whether to giving to terror or relief for every moment that it didn’t.

Tap, tap, tap.

The sudden sound just beyond jerked her out of the fugue and Mei Wan looked ahead, to the next room, this also without a door.

Tap, tap, tap.

It all seemed like a dream, the way her legs moved unbidden but unerring toward that sound. And then, she crossed yet another threshold and realized that she had just ignored her final warning.

There he was, her husband, the dollmaker in his workshop. And there they were, propped up side by side, all in dressed so carefully, made up so prettily. By his hands. She counted ten, twenty, thirty, and then her mind crawled away. He looked up from his latest creation and set the hammer aside. Their eyes held and she drowned in the twin pools of the abyss, felt the bitter waters swallow her whole.

She turned and ran.

He caught her in the first room, slammed her into the shelves of dresses and choked her screams with his fist. She bit into his arm and he casually slapped her across the face. Her vision swam with pain as he hoisted her up with impossible strength and dragged her back into the workshop. She’d shivered and begged him not to kill her, not to turn her into one of them, and he just laughed.

“Whyever would I do that? Frankly, I have no interest whatsoever in you. But a man of my means must be respectably married at some point, or tongues would start wagging. And you are perfectly convenient.”

Mei Wan stared, wide eyed, and he nodded. “Yes Mei Wan, you are adequately pretty, and your family name makes up for… well, everything else you lack. Not to mention, everything I lack.”

He released her and she sank to the floor. “Now, let me make a few things clear. I will never harm a hair on your head, and I will cater to your every whim that money can buy. You will go on being the dutiful little wife I have married, and you will never breathe a word of anything you have seen here to anyone. Otherwise Mei Wan, I will reconsider my decision to let you live and I will make you suffer.”

She looked around her and believed him.

“Do we have an agreement?”

He removed his arm from her mouth and she shakily whispered.

“Y-yes.”

And then he ripped her clothes off and had her. Violently.

“Well, I must fulfill my marital duty. Don’t worry, soon you will be pregnant and this unpleasant business will end for us both.”

It had taken another six years for that to happen. Some people took to the Covens for power; there was that to be had but it always came with sacrifice. Mei Wan had run into the arms of the devil because she was fleeing another kind of monster.

She entered the red room, with the practiced smile on her face. “Welcome back, dearest.”

Luo Feng had his back to her and swung around, revealing that he was not alone.

“Darling!”

He extended his arm and she took his hand. “You look well, my dear.”

He pressed a kiss to her brow and she followed his lead as he presented her to his guests.

“Mei Wan allow me to introduce my new business partner Mr. Kadhrey, and the lovely Constance Delacroix. We traveled together by way of France and I absolutely insisted that they let me host them for their stay in the city. Ydris, Constance, meet my crown jewel.”

Mr. Kadhrey’s handsome features were a curious blend of the Middle and Far East, with olive skin and aquiline nose and slanted smoky eyes. He bowed slightly and pressed a kiss over Eugenie’s hand.

“Enchante Madam, Louis here has spoken nothing but your praise all through the trip. I thought him besotted but now I see that his devotion does you no justice.”

“Well I am honored by your words.”

Constance also approached and clasped her hand; her grip, like her gaze, lingered far longer than Ydris’.

“I was also curious to meet you, Madame, truly he did not exaggerate.”

Eugenie read the interest in her eyes even as she stepped back to her husband.

“Thank you, but surely you are too kind. Indeed you are welcome to our home. I ask that you indulge us, it is not often we have guests and so you must allow our excesses.”

She swallowed the bile that creeped up her throat and gestured to the wine bar. “Dearest, will you pour wine? I must see to all arrangements.”

He nodded his permission and she fled, determined feet taking her to her original destination.

She was just like he liked them -- the flawless lamb for the slaughter. He did prefer his women golden hued or fiery haired, with eyes in shades of blue, green or grey. They made such striking dolls.

Eugenie tore back the canopied curtains that hid her sons from view with a sob. They slept peacefully, oblivious to the tears that stole down her face. She sank to her knees, lips fervently moving. Perhaps in prayer or curse. Perhaps both.

May her monsters never cross paths. Not in darkness, not in the light of day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was much later that night, closer to dawn, when Ydris finally returned to his host’s mansion. His departure would scarcely have been noted by the inhabitants, any more than his return. He slipped through the house’s physical defenses in a cloud of shadowed mists and made his way to the upper section which had been reserved for the guests.

All in all, Ydris mused, it had been a fruitful evening. His visit with Allana had been followed by rounds through known establishments, calling on old friends and settling outstanding accounts. All Cities had their own kind of character; in New Orleans, a debt was a valuable and dangerous thing to owe or be owed.

The suites were connected to a modest parlour, where the butler was conscientious enough to leave a nightcap on the coffee table. He poured himself a generous tumbler of bourbon and settled into a sofa, content to wait.

Ydris had been surprised when, eight days into their journey to America, he’d emerged to the stateroom to find his business partner chatting with the strange woman Constance Delacroix. More so was the usually tight lipped Feng’s comfortability with her -- indeed the latter had seemed surprised by his diffidence. After all, wasn’t she the last minute addition Ydris himself had recommended just before they set sail?

Nevermind that the entire ship was privately chartered. What was more disconcerting was how Feng somehow forgot about the three day stop that he had insisted the Capitan make off the coasts of Madeira. Ydris had apologized for his lapse in memory and laughed off the entire situation. It was more prudent to wait and watch; this woman had gone to lengths to insert herself into his journey and he wanted to know why. Meantime, he patiently endured Feng’s unplanned excursions even as the human tested the limits of his endurance. After all, it wouldn’t do to eat the working crew.

The door swung open and she stepped in, jumping back in startlement upon seeing him.

“Oh my, you gave me quite a fright!”

Ydris ignored the startled gasp, the way she clutched at her chest. It was all very practiced and almost believable.

“I did not think you kept such late hours, Ms. Delacroix.”

She looked down with an embarrassed chuckle. “Yes well, this city is filled with many distractions.”

“Indeed.” Ydris set the glass back to the table and crossed his legs. “Enough of all that, come in, sit.”

She obeyed, a quizzical expression forming on her brow.

“You stowaway on my ship and mesmerized my entire crew into your charade, including my business partner. I want to know why.”

Constance’s mouth fell open and she slowly shook her head. “I- I’m afraid I don’t understand --”

“The trinket,” Ydris cut in with a lazy drawl, “the one you never remove from your neck. It gives a decent illusion to others who do not know better. Now, Little One, test not my patience any further.”

Still, she hesitated and that was the last straw. An angry force yanked her off the sofa and into the opposite wall, dragging her along as she careened and smashed into glass frames, mirrors and every decorative piece set into the room. Ydris took a long drink from his glass while she twitched and spasmed on his psychic hold.

“Now do you understand the difference between us?”

Constance nodded jerkily and he smiled.

“Good, do not insult me by telling lies. Who are you, what do you want?”

Her eyes sought permission and he gave it, partially releasing his grip. She extended one hand, fingers hardening into sharp claws, and raked her own thigh deep enough to draw blood. The dark liquid dripped onto the floor and he stiffened all over, nose flaring to take in the scent.

“Blood of my blood.”

Ydris immediately let go and she sank to her knees, eyes screwed shut as shattered limbs began resetting. The air between them was filled with the organic sounds of popping bones and knitting sinew, while Ydris watched with wonderment.

Blood always called to blood. Every Sire put something of himself into his Scion, which also passed down into theirs. This made it impossible for a Scion to disobey his Master, and in turn prevented a Sire from destroying his offspring. This was the first unbreakable rule and the basis of the psychic bond between members of the same nest.

“Blood of my blood,” he whispered again.

She was not his Scion, but they shared one Master.

Constance reached for the bourbon bottle and poured another glass while he struggled to contain himself. Now that the niceties were over with, she actually felt more secure.

“Who is your sire?”

“You would have known him as Asakura, but I called him by a different name.”

Ydris knew that name very well. Like any other mother, She had named all of her children upon their birth. And they in turn, had promptly chosen different monikers after her demise. He looked at her a little more critically and she lowered her gaze. “Indeed. Well then, I acknowledge the blood of my blood. All the same, there were a few less complicated ways to make your introduction.” He gestured to the amulet and she reflexively touched the metal.

It was a decent bit of magic, he allowed, and the work of a skilled witch. It cast a veneer of humanity over the vampire sitting before him.

“I thought his line was completely wiped out. How did you survive?”

“It was, all but one. I was the youngest, the last he Sired.”

Ydris raised an eyebrow. She was very young indeed. He looked more critically at the charm now. It did more than create an illusion of humanity -- it enabled her to hide something even more fundamental. A Scion newly Turned is a blank slate with no will or reason, save bloodlust. And, like a baby, it depended on its maker for nourishment and support. It was the Sire who imposed his will onto the offspring, and slowly relaxed the leash as his creation gained more focus and ability. It took decades for a Scion to have his own personality outside the wishes and desires of the Sire. If Asakura was destroyed before that could happen …

This poor thing. Only the will of one stronger than her maker could have reversed her predicament, like the Master they all shared. Unfortunately, she had been destroyed by Asakura.

Only Ydris could appreciate the irony. That she had managed to survive for this long was astounding. BSut she was no better than a rabid animal, with no restraint or control, leaving a trail of death and blood in its wake. He thought about her evening foray -- Allana would not be happy about this.

Speaking of which….

“You have chosen to come here, why?”

“I have come to destroy Allana Devereux, all that she has, and all she holds dear.”

He was stunned for a moment by her declaration, but then laughed and shook his head. “Now I see that my Master’s madness indeed runs true. You are as much a fool as your Sire ever was.” He drained his glass and got to his feet. “I’ve heard all I need to.”

“I may be a fool, but at least I have pride in my blood.”

Ydris froze at the door and turned aside. “What?”

Constance jumped to her feet. “ My Sire taught me about our history. Kinnari’s line is among the oldest of all noble Bloodlines; Adrian was the very best among us and she destroyed his all of his descendants! ”

She began pacing the room, clearly agitated. “She did not stop there. Allana Devereux has run rampage all over the world, doing whatever she pleases and none dare question her. They all cower in her shadow, but I do not worship your false goddess and I will have my vengeance.”

She stopped and glared into his back, a mocking smile forming on her face. “But perhaps you do not cower, but willingly grovel. They say that she is beautiful, perhaps you are enamoured of her - ”

Ydris whirled back and flipped his hand, slamming her back into the walls. “Silence! You know nothing of false goddesses. Our Master was as beautiful as the Sun; she was twisted and craven, and utterly mad. We hated her, and worshipped her with every drop in our veins. Asakura betrayed our mother - my mother. Nine Houses Suzume made and he destroyed them all until only his stood. I have seen our madness, and I know our folly. I will not be part of it again.”

He was crushing her larynx; air rasped and whistled because she struggled to speak.

“You dare speak to me of Kinnari’s line? You are the youngest of your House, just as I was. Everything was taken away from me.”

Ydris laughed again, but it was without mirth. “You gnat, you are beneath my notice and yet you seek to bring down Allana.”

He released her and she quickly recovered. “You are so sure that I will fail, will you not help me?”

“I will not.” Ydris’ answer was swift and implacable. He shook his head, sadness suddenly permeating his entire form. “What a twist of fate; for so long I believed myself all alone. Now, I am not. For a time, at least.” He turned fully around to take her in once again.

She was lovely, like everything that came from his Mother. Even three times removed, Suzume cast a shadow over their forms. So strong was her blood. He could also see the cracks they all shared. They ran deep in Asakura’s Scion, but then he was always their Mother’s favorite.

“I shall mourn your end. The vengeance that has kept you this long, it is not truly your own. As a matter of principle, I should destroy you myself but I am not so kind.”

Constance twitched at the pity in his gaze. “You will not help me; I suppose you will run to her side now, to share what you know?”

Ydris pondered the accusation. Allana had offered her friendship against all expectations. The honorable thing to do would be to at least mention something of this to her. But that was assuming he deigned to take this one’s threats seriously. Constance was a walking shadow, there was no way she could truly bring harm to the Master. He would predict that her best attack would be to go after anyone Allana cared about, but that list was very short. No one she kept close would be so vulnerable. He paused over that. Collateral damage...

“I will not aid your fool’s mission, but I will not stand in your way. What is more, I shall give you a warning. Allana Devereux has many friends, and few enemies.”

She nodded, and a dark smile formed on her face. “Her enemies are few, but they are enough.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paris, 1915

Darrin:

I was in a state of limbo, fully conscious and yet not really in my body, somewhere between dream and reality. It took me a while to register this and at first I panicked when I wouldn’t feel anything or move any part of my body. Then, I recalled what had happened just before I lost consciousness and realized that my body was just adjusting to the effects of what the vampire had done to me. I was calmer afterward and decided to wait out whatever this was.

When you’ve got that much time and little choice on what to do with it, you tend to get quite introspective and I found myself thinking about my life so far. Images from my past started flashing through my head, my father’s face, and then my mother, and finally my sister's.

I have always been able to see things. I knew that there was something strange about our neighbor Ms. Brickman; she never quite looked like an old lady when I caught her from the corner of my eyes. But no one else seemed to notice. I knew never to go into the Mcleary compound without my Pa; sure they were a loud and rowdy bunch, but no one else seemed to see the wildness in their eyes like I did. And when that widow Rosy O' Dowd came moved into the old rectory, I stayed far away from there. Even though everyone just thought she was the sweetest, kindest person. I just knew it had something to do with that black hole where colors should spread over her heart. No one else could see or sense what I did, so I quit early trying to make them see. I minded my business and kept my mouth shut.

I sure as hell knew better than to tell Ma about it. My mother and I were usually at odds with each other because I always said the wrong things. She said I had to walk with my hands because my feet were constantly deep down my throat. But it wasn't that the things I said were wrong; they were true, just the secret kinds of truth. Besides, she wasn’t anyone to talk. I don't know what she did to my pa to make him love her so much, but I bet it had to do with the way her brown eyes would turn purple during the full moon. He sure didn't make a fuss about raising another man's child, even after all the trouble she’d put him through.

Honestly, I don’t think it would be wrong if we blamed her for all the trouble we’d all been through- Pa, me and my sister.

Well, at least before Lilith.

This whole business started with a headstrong Creole girl, who wouldn’t listen to her mother and took every chance she got sneaking out of the settlements and into town. How else would she have gotten his attention? She never did tell the story straight; Pa refused to talk about it and all I had to go by was Tanti ‘Dessa’s version. Anyway, she came home late one night, sobbing and bruised all over. No words had to be said, she was bleeding and refused to take off her tattered clothes. But how to explain this to her affianced, weeks before the wedding? Especially when the signs began to show.

The union had been arranged between the families, so neither had much say about it in the first place. Of course she would have to leave before it became too obvious to hide. And so she did, without any explanation or preamble. But imagine everyone’s surprise when she returned barely three months later, flat as a drum and with a newborn in tow. Clearly it was not a natural pregnancy. Since the paternity could not be verified, the best thing for everyone was a quiet marriage and hope for a second pregnancy to cover up the awkward timing. And so I was born, less than a year apart from my sister, close enough for us to be mistaken for twins. All it took was for the new couple to move out of the settlement and into town.

My sister’s arrival might have been hard to explain but once she was born, she was easy to love. And who wouldn’t? She was beautiful and happy and charming, everyone fell under her spell. All she had to do was walk into any place and they’d all be eating out of her hands. Next to her, I was plain, moody and very ordinary. Especially when her powers began to show. Everyone thought it was amazing how the blind girl never needed any help moving around, she was so smart and clever! But she started moving things with her mind, then she could set things on fire with a snap of her finger… then, she could make seeds grow well before their time. Overnight our garden would be bursting with flowers, even in the winter. Now that was a nifty trick, since it meant Pa didn’t have to work as much or as hard in the farm. All it took was a little bit of blood; kill a chicken and drain it into a cup. She did all these amazing things and she was so wonderful, so sweet and kind, the perfect angel. Everyone loved my sister. It was so easy for them to even forget I existed, there were times when they did.

Except that, she was no angel. My sister had a mean streak in her. Not when anyone could see, but I was so good at keeping to myself that people just didn’t notice whenever I was there. Even she did at times, or maybe she just didn’t care that I saw her break the wings off chickens on the farm, or set the rats that got caught in the traps on fire. Or maybe she wanted me to see, who would believe me if I told? We were sisters and they dressed us alike, but I always knew we weren’t really twins. We didn’t even look alike; her skin was pale even in the summer, and I was taller. Maybe that was why we weren’t really close. Not the first time around.

It was after our seventeenth birthday that things began going wrong.

I was probably the first one to notice that the chickens had started disappearing. Then it was the goats, and pigs. Pa thought it was poachers hanging around the farm, he started keeping watch to nab them. But there were always people hanging around, on account of all the boys coming to call on my sister. She would slip out almost every night, and come back home just before dawn in time for chores. I remember waking up one morning to catch her sneaking back in. Her clothes were bloody, and I wondered why she didn’t put it with the rest of the slips we washed every month.

Clarence Gilliam was the first boy to go missing. The way Ma put it, he just disappeared from his bed and the search parties didn’t find a trace of him. They guessed he must have run away...until Toby and Jay Pearson went missing the next week. But I’d seen Toby the day before he disappeared, he’d been fooling around out back with my sister. I began watching her; the next time she sneaked out, I followed her to the shed behind the Townsons farm. That was when Nathan, the Mayor’s nephew, came out from where he’d been hiding. I watched them for a while; then they started carrying on and that was enough for me. I was turning around to leave when she - she… even now, I could never really find the words explain it. But my sister became something else. Something quick, and wild and...hungry. She devoured him. I watched as she ate him, like she’d never eaten anything in her life and this was her very last meal. All I could do was stand and watch as she ripped his flesh and bone, and ate it all.

When it was over, she turned to where I was, like she knew I was there all along. I screamed and ran all the way home. Except she was already there. Waiting for me. She sat at the dining table, her dress all covered in blood. I began shaking like a leaf in the wind, but she just laughed and laughed. That was when Pa walked in and found us.

It wasn’t hard to put together why the boys kept disappearing. It took three more for them to realize that she wasn’t going to stop, no matter how much they begged her to. It wasn’t as though they could make her stop -- no one could make my sister do anything. But surely someone was going to figure this out too -- then what would we do? Pa packed up the truck and drove us back to the settlement. Grandmomma had died right after I was born and Tanti ‘Dessa was the only one in Ma’s side of the family who still practiced the old ways. First time she’d seen us since we were babies and all it took was one look for her to figure it all out. I still remember the first words out of her mouth.

“I wondered when y’all would turn up. Looks like your monster don’ ful grown.”

Chains couldn’t hold my sister but Tanti ‘Dessa had a simple vine rope that held her down. She made us leave, it was just two of them. When we returned a few days later, my sister was gone. In her place was this little girl, sleeping in the bed we’d left my sister. It looked like Tanti ‘Dessa had aged ten years in just a couple of days. Her hands shook as she poured out the rum.

“What she is, I ain’t never seen anything quite like it. There’s a powerful hunger inside her; the more it feeds, the worse it gets.”

Tanti ‘Dessa could only suppress this hunger by binding my sister to a state where she could not use her powers. We all looked at the sleeping child and she shrugged.

“That’s the best I could do, make her forget everything. You’d best keep it that way, the only chance is to start over with this one and make sure she never remembers what she really is. She’s too strong to kill.”

And that’s what we did. We packed up and moved far from home. We changed our names and gave her a new one. I went from being the child that everyone ignored, to being the older sister they all depended on. We kept looking over our shoulders, waiting for the law or one of the families we left behind to come asking questions. Tanti may have suppressed my sister’s bloodlust but she couldn’t kill it. At least she wasn’t killing people. I had to build my muscles and carry things twice my weight because Lilith was stronger than the average man. I had to cover up all the bruises and blows, because she just didn't know her own strength. I had to forget everything I knew about the sister I’d grown up with, just to give Lilith a chance. But then, she’d always been so easy to love.

Then, there came the attacks. It turned out that we’d been watching out for the wrong kind of trouble. After all we’d run from, we pretty much resigned to the fact that weird things would always happen around us and we’d just have to deal with it. But we didn’t know just how much we’d have to deal with, and I watched it all take a toll on my parents. The ultimate price came when they both died on the same day when our barn suddenly caught on fire. Lilith was four but by then she knew enough to start believing it was her fault.

Protecting my sister became the most important thing in my life and I began learning how to fight and brawl. Not that it made me any friends. I didn’t put my mind to it because I had someone who needed me, who loved me unconditionally and trusted that I’ll always be there for her.

Thinking back now, it’s all so funny and so ironic. The real truth is, I’d always been able to see through the swirls of color around my sister. She was bright and brilliant, but there was that pulsing red at the heart of it all. No one ever knew about my ability, what the point of bring it up after her? One special daughter was enough.

The sun dipped into the horizon, and then I began to feel a change. The haze that covered me disappeared and I was back on the cold hard floor of the dungeon. I stood up and crashed back on the floor, weak as a newborn baby, helpless to the wave of sleep that fell over me.

But for the first time in my life, I felt peace. 


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Sun Sep 27, 2015 6:17 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Hello Anabel!

#NaRevWriMo! And happy review day!

Of course I came back to read more of your novel because I wanted to see what was going to happen next in your novel. I loved the insight we got into Eugenie's story and her marriage, as well as learning a little bit more about vampires and the rising offense that is going to be places on Allana soon. As well as all of that we also get to hear about Darrin's history and how they first handled (or more so didn't handle) her sister's powers. Gosh, that was quite a lot to take in in one chapter, but it was so good to hear all this backstory and get a lot of cool knowledge. I think it really helps us to know the characters better too, and we can see how they think, feel and how the became who they are. I have a pretty short review for you here today because you did so well with this one and wrote i so beautifully there is pretty much little I can say.

I do think that at times we were taking in a bit too much information in this chapter. It was never quite infodump-ish, but it did seem a bit overwhelming at times and I wish we could have been eased into it a bit more. If you had shown us something more when it came to Ydris and saved Darrin's flashback for later it might have helped. Or if you decided not to give Darrin a flashback in which we are getting more information but instead simply just showed some more of her story, that could have helped a bit. I just felt like the reader was getting a bit too much in this single chapter.

Even though you did an amazing job with Eugenie's story... I am still a little confused as to what her husband really is? Is he a vampire who likes to kill his victims and string them up and treat them like you would a doll? Or is he just human and killing them for the fun of it, and then treating them like a doll? It was never entirely clear cut to me whether he was a human or a more paranormal kind of being. You did a great job with everything there, but maybe stating it straightforward at one point so everyone is on the same page with that would be a good idea.

During Darrin's flashback she mentions (before they had to move and went to get her cured) that everyone seemed to love her sister. No one would believe her if they said a word against her and they often forgot about her, making her invisible. But she simply states all of this from a distance as if she is telling a story and not reliving and thinking about it as a memory. Did she hate her sister, despise her, or really really wanted to hate her but simply couldn't because as much as she erased her as a being she couldn't help feeling that irresistible pull that everyone else did as well? I wanted to know her thoughts and feelings on the matter as well, and we didn't quite get that. Make sure that even in flashbacks we are still getting the emotional side of things!

So few nitpicks this time, it makes me happy :)

“Well I am honored by your words.”


Here you either need to get rid of the first word or put a comma after it.

It was so easy for them to even forget I existed, there were times when they did.


That comma either needs to be a full stop and the sentences separated or it should be a colon.

No one ever knew about my ability, what the point of bring it up after her? One special daughter was enough.


Same here! Either a comma or a colon. It's simply because here we have a comma splice where the comma is replacing a connecting word or the end of a sentence, so it doesn't completely make grammatical sense.

Looking forward to your next chapter! Remember to post on my wall or notify me someway when you have it up because I want to continue reading of course. Your writing has me sucked in, and the plot is building. I love how many layers it has to it!

Deanie x






Hey Deanie,

You're always on point with the technical and general critique, thanks again. Infodump is a way to put it; I just couldn't find a way to break it up without ruining what comes next. I will work on the pacing for subsequent chapters, all the same.

I found your comment about Eugenie's husband quite interesting. It brought up an interesting point -- is it a monster's nature, or monstrous deeds, that matter? Maybe I'll keep the ambiguity ;) You ask so many cool questions in this review, thank you!

p.s. The next chapter is dropping veeery soon.



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Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:17 am
steampowered wrote a review...



Hello, steampowered here for a review! I’ve noticed this has been hanging around in the Green Room for a long time, so I thought it might be a good idea if someone rescued it. Just a warning though: I haven’t read the other chapters, so any feedback I give will be quite chapter-specific and nitpicky.

Monseiur requests your presence


It should be Monsieur.

But then what use was a leash, if not to be pulled?


Not even a critique. I just really love this line. :)

I thought this was really well-written, and it’s a real shame you didn’t get more traffic on this. Your dialogue was brilliant, the characters were intriguing and I’ve never read anything quite like this before. It might have been because I haven’t read the other chapters, but I did find the switches of viewpoint a little confusing (as a rule I prefer to stick with one character) and the last section was definitely my least favourite. I’m not really too fond of flashbacks though…

Also, a word of advice for when you post chapters on YWS: it’s usually a good idea to sacrifice the extra points and split a long chapter up into smaller parts. So Chapter 8 part 1 could have been the first section, etc. It means you should hopefully get better quality feedback and more reviews. :)

Oh heavens… I feel like this review was really unhelpful. Hopefully you’ll still keep on writing, and if you ever decide to go back to this, feel free to tag me and I’ll review the whole story from the beginning for you. :D






Hi Steampowered,
Thanks for the read and review, I'm glad to have made an impression. Yeah, this was a chunky chapter. But sometimes it can't be helped. The pace picks up from here on out though.



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Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:15 am
Ventomology wrote a review...



Hello there! It's been ages since I saw your work in the Green Room... I'm still a bit fuzzy on some of the plot points and names, even though I went back and read through some of the earlier chapters, so hopefully this review can still be helpful.

1. As I seem to remember always doing, I will first compliment your excellent flow in writing. No details seem overdone or left out, and the balance of action and description is lovely.

2. I like the change in tone between Darrin's flashback and Mei Wang's section as well. Darrin's way of narrating is just so different from all the other first-person sections in Bloodhaven.

3. For a general note, you seem to be missing a great deal of commas, usually between two independent clauses that are joined by a conjunction. It's not a huge deal, but I thought you should know.

4. The cultural diversity in your pieces is so inspiring. Honestly, I think you're one of the reasons I started branching out in my own writing. The effort you put into using actual phrases from the respective languages is also impressive. (I was not expecting the use of 'Nai nai.' Just to make sure though, you are aware that a Nai nai comes from the father's side, yes? If Mei Wang's mentioned grandmother is her mother's mother, I would suggest the term Lao Lao. Or if the family is from Taiwan, you can use Ama.)

5. As I'm sure I've mentioned in many of my reviews past, the complexity of plot is incredibly engaging. There's so much going on that I can't even begin to figure out where things might go or what new twist is around the corner. Seeing everything tie together will be a real treat.

Um... since I'm trying to refrain from gushing out praise for your lovely prose, I think I'll end the review here. I can't wait to read more of this (and I'm still trying to figure out if Flitchling will come back. He and Aubrey were so fascinating). Until next time!
-Buggie






Hi Buggie,

Thank you for the R and R, critique and tips. It is muchly appreciated. Yeah, grammar remains my Achilles' hell but I shall overcome! Diversity and complexity: well I'm trying to improve on the former, and tighten up the latter. This is probably one of the most involved of my work, character and plot wise, so I'll take all the help I can get.

Hope you stay tuned




A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets.
— Homer Simpson