16+ Mature Content

Blood Haven: Chapter 10

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Premonition

Darrin jerked up from bed, gasping for air, fists fighting off invisible assailants. Her kicking legs ceased moving when she realized that it was only the twisted sheets that restricted her body. Sunlight poured from the partially open window blinds; it was late morning, near Noon.

Someone had placed a bouquet of flowers on the bedside table. She stared at the arrangement distractedly, her mind still chasing the fading snippets of her dream. Carnations and Asters, certainly not leftovers from the wedding. The party had lasted well into the night, far longer than was contracted. Darrin had given final orders to the last crew and stumbled to bed, only to toss and turn for hours before falling to uneasy slumber in the early hours. The creme and gold sheets were thoroughly dishevelled, but she had spent yet another night alone. She looked again at the flowers and wondered whether they were an apology to that fact.

It had been eight days she could count, since Darrin shared her lover’s bed. Since they were physically intimate. And then, there was last night. Replaying the scene in her head, unfortunately, brought close in its heels the other thing that troubled her. The woman at the party… the mere thought sent a clench through her gut and she stridently shook her head. There are no ghosts for the dead and buried.

Darrin swung off the bed, reaching for her night-shift on the bedside chair. She slipped it on and bolted the sash, walking to the mirror while her hands deftly gathered her tresses in a knot. If there were any perks to turning prematurely grey, she was yet to find them. Her honey colored eyes blinked blearily back from behind bags and she grimaced. Perhaps she was a little restless, but she had spent months on the run, enduring an enforced separation. Perhaps that was the problem: somewhere along the line, they’d both gotten too used to being alone. A rueful smile touched her lips at that thought. Every other Vampire she’d ever met was physically demonstrative, uncomfortably so at that. She just had to find the one with the sensibilities of an ascetic.

Darrin forwent the enticing prospects of a bath in lieu of a quick shower. She pulled on a pair of dark pants with a high band and hidden pockets, over a decidedly feminine shirtwaist, and loosed the knot keeping her hair at bay. The tresses fell in scattered waves over her shoulders, more silver than black with each passing day. Darrin gave her reflection a purposeful nod, and then made for the door, stepping into the activity without.

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It was early evening; Didier was at his work table, plying the tools of his craft. He whistled a low tune, as his hands wound a hemp rope around a bunch of herbs. The sound and motion may have seemed a simple task to an ignorant observer, but powerful magic was at play. The act of putting the herbs in his hand together invoked a hex, and the cadence he whistled kept the cosmic forces dormant. He tied the rope into three distinct knots and jabbed at his thumb with a pin, squeezing a few drops unto the knot. Only when scarlet soaked into the waxy green leaves did he stop whistling. He carefully placed the herbs into a glass jar and covered with a cork stopper. Faint green fumes immediately rose from the leaves and swirled about the jar. The commission was finished; all his procurer would need do was to smash the bottle when the time was ripe. Anyone who breathed in the fumes would die within the hour.

So complete was Didier’s focus on his task that he barely noticed her entrance. Only when her arms wrapped around his waist from behind did he snap into awareness. But he wasn’t afraid; fear was the lot of the powerless.

“Desi,” she cooed into his ear, but his stance remained stiff. “Are you still angry with me?”

“I am,” he replied shortly, setting aside his tools. “You promised that you would be more careful, especially since we’ve come this far. Even though for your sake, I continue to bide the existence of that revenant, that corpse Assante!”

She squeezed tighter, resting her chin on his broad shoulder. “Didier, you will bide the insult for only a spell. Allow me to make use of him a little while longer, and then you will give him the destruction he truly deserves. Your oath to your sister will be fulfilled, this I promise.”

“Constance, you should not have been there.”

He relaxed a fraction, and she went boneless against him. “Perhaps, but I needed to see her, to see them. After all, this is what the past five years have come about.”

He made a growling sound in his throat. “You have waited five years, what is a few more days?” Still, his hands clasped around hers and she cuddled closer, caressing his chest and shoulders.

“I took her measure last night, Darrin Hartford.”

Constance scoffed dismissively. “She is human, nothing more.”

Didier raised an eyebrow. “And so, you underestimate her?” He shook his head. “Don’ be a fool, girl.”

Most people in the city, and familiar parts of the world, knew Didier as a successful trader and transporter of goods along the routes of the old triangular trade. Those who dwelled around his domain in Hispaniola knew him as a powerful Vodou Priest with a very select following. As an experienced practitioner, Didier was savvy enough in the supernatural. He had seen it all, until he crossed paths with Constance. Her nature had confounded him, even as her beauty left him intrigued. She had come to him with a need, one that he’d been able to fulfill; it wasn’t long before their business relationship became something much deeper.

And so, here they were in New Orleans, both seeking different means for the same ends. Vengeance.

“Allana Devereux is powerful. Being in her domain yesterday was walking into a dragon’s lair.”

Even with the unwelcome diversion Assante had posed, there had been no escaping the prickling itch between his shoulders until he exited the soiree.

Constance stiffened behind him. “But she is not invincible. You can bring her down.”

He rubbed his chin, while distantly pressing a soothing kiss to her hand. “She is not invincible."

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“So you see, madam, the Senator is over budget on his account with us.”

Allana surveyed the immaculately detailed expenditures on the spreadsheet Eryk handed her. “Yes, by three thousand dollars.” They were finalizing the logistics from the event before. Between cleanup and getting the club back into normal order, the management meeting had run well into the evening. Fortunately, this was the last item on the agenda; other upper staff had retired for their shifts, leaving her with the Seelie.

“Shall I send word to his accountants?”

She considered the numbers for a moment, and then shook her head. “No, we will absorb the costs. When it comes to the Senator, what is a few thousand between friends?” She put the sheets aside. “Consider this our wedding present to the bride, along with the five hundred long stemmed roses she demanded.”

The Seelie pursed his lips with the memory of that ridiculous demand, but made a sound of assent. “Very well, I’m sure I can find a way to file this under ‘charitable donations’ for our taxes.”

Allana chuckled and stood, signaling the end of the meeting. “You do that. Thank you, Eryk.”

He nodded and briskly gathered up his notes before exiting the study. She was contemplating another snifter of brandy when the doors opened and Darrin stepped in.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she responded. The other woman leaned against the door, not quite fully in the room.

“Done?”

Allana nodded, gesturing to the papers strewn on the desk. “Just.”

“Then, you’ll come down for dinner?”

She considered the request while Darrin continued with a grin.

“Pauwels wants our, ah, discerning judgement on the new menu for the club.”

Tomorrow, Blood Haven would be opening its doors to the general public. Lulls like this were good times to roll out new favours to their guests. Besides, when was the last time they had a proper dinner together?

Allana nodded with a smile. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

The expectant smile was still in place when she descended, until she crossed the threshold into the small dining room. The head chef was standing at attention an Darrin was already seated. So also was the child. The temperature in the room might have dipped a fraction, but he seemed the only one acutely aware of the fact.

They were seating in a circle, with the boy to her left. Pauwels pushed back the chair across from Darrin’s and Allana complied.

“Well then, amaze me.”

Vampires did not require food for sustenance, but the desire for eating never went away. If anything, their palates became even more sensitive. This made them notoriously epicurean. The more exotic a fare, the greater the appeal. Tonight was to be a seven course exercise; Pauwels placed plate after dainty plate before his guests, Allana sampled a mouthful of each while her partner partook with full gusto. She oohed and ahhed over every whimsical arrangement on her plate, as their chef was a fervent believer in first impressions, and constantly engaged her young charge. Darrin seemed utterly oblivious to the other woman’s reticence, or the boy’s stiffness for that matter.

Allana savored her coffee, laced with creme de cacao and spiced almonds, and cleared her throat. She turned to a waiting Pauwels with a smile.

“You truly have outdone yourself this time, Dutchman. The pumpkin and carrot soup was an excellent starter, and I’m sure our guests will be intrigued by the black noodles. I found the mandarin glaze on the duck a tad sweet for my tastes, perhaps we can offer a toned down version for some of our patrons?”

The head chef was a mountain of a man, well over six feet of burly muscles and fiery red hair. Yet he beamed like a school boy over what he considered high praise from his employer. “Natuurlijk, we will consider our sensitive guests.”

They had discovered the former sailor off the coasts of the Antilles, where he labored as a soup-boy for a wealthy smuggler. Allana had noted his talent and put every resource available to wooing him to America. This included procuring an entire ship to facilitate the journey and help him hone his craft for her club, not to mention teaching him how to read and write English. Pauwels was one of the few humans in the club who knew her true nature, and it never interfered with their cordial relationship. His former employer would never know what he cast aside, and that pleased her to no end.

She stood and patted his cheek. “Thank you for a lovely dinner. I leave our guests in your capable hands.”

Darrin raised an eyebrow at her obvious intent to leave the table. “Wait, is that it?”

She lifted a shoulder. “A few more loose ends to tie up before tomorrow.” She strode out, leaving the other woman staring after her with a frown.

Solembam visibly relaxed with the Vampire’s exit and his foster gave him a sideways glance.

“You know, you have to stop tensing up like that whenever you see her. Fear is never a good response when you face someone bigger than you.” She set her cutlery aside and wiped her lips. “Besides, we’ve already established that she has no intention of eating you.”

His blue eyes reflected disbelief to that statement and she chuckled, looking up to Pauwels. “I didn’t find anything wrong with the duck, but don't take my word for it. Everything was just wonderful. Thank you, Pauwels.”

“No, my thanks, Darrin!”

She pushed off the table, and urged Solembam to do the same. “Okay kiddo, what do you say to the nice man who cooked us all this great food?”

He had to tip his head to fully meet the Dutchman’s gaze, to the amusement of the other two, but gave him a shy smile. “Thank you, sir.”

“It is mine pleasure.”

Darrin bade the chef goodnight and they made for the door. “You know what comes next, right?”

“Bed,” Solembam intoned with a sigh and she chuckled. “Right, I’m sure Eulalie is waiting for you already.”

He nodded once and hesitantly reached out to hug her side. “Good night.”

Darrin froze for a moment, and then patted his curly head. “Good night. Sleep well.” She watched him run toward the bar. That was the second one she’d received; the first was earlier in the day, when she found him getting in the way of the clean up crew. This was a new thing, he apparently hadn’t expressed this gesture with the woman who took care of him the most. But then, he hadn’t chosen to stick to Eulalie like white on rice for the rest of the day either.

A smile touched her lips at that; at least the kid was coming out of his shell. She looked up to the balcony and the smile waned. Speaking of shells, it was time to do something about her recalcitrant lover.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

She found Allana once again in her study. The other woman had changed into a sheer Kaftan in cool blue, and nursed a glass of brandy while perusing papers on her desk. She looked up with the human’s approach and set the glass aside. They regarded each other for a long moment, and then she quietly murmured, “Thank you for dinner.”

Darrin chuckled and moved closer, “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She leaned over the table and gently put the papers down. “That can wait… come with me.” Her hands guided Allana around and the Vampire wordlessly obeyed, following her lover’s lead out of the room, and into their bedroom.

The lights were off, the only source of illumination came from the bathroom beyond. Darrin urged her forward. “I ran us a bath; get in, I’m right behind you.”

Allana nodded, shrugging off the robe and easing out of her slippers. Candlelight danced off the water and the gleaming white tiles; the sunken bath was her one homage to her former home, and a terrific concession for the architects who built the house. She stepped into the pool and shut her eyes, relishing the needling heat. The delicate scent of honey filled the air and she opened her eyes to watch her lover pour the golden contents of her jar into the water. Darrin joined her in the water with a soft sigh. Hadn’t she been craving this all day? And who better to enjoy it with?

Her smile was a feline curl as she moved closer to give Allana a soft kiss, and then a deeper one, another… and another. One hand kneaded the back of the Vampire’s neck, while the other played between her legs.

Darrin had the question thrown her way many a time: how could a human make love to the undead? Once or twice, she had even been accused of being a necrophile -- just one more reason, the Parish priest insisted, that her soul was doomed to hell. She surveyed the woman before her; the rise and fall of her chest. This was not a cold, stiff body pliant to her touch. And those green eyes, darkened almost black, carried powerful intent behind their surrender.

Her lips puckered around a rose tinted nipple, while her fingers bunched into a fist and ground with a wickedly slow pace. A Vampire’s heightened senses made the line between pain and pleasure incredibly thin. Darrin savoured every moan, every helpless shiver, tempering the building crisis to her own whims until every muscle in her lover’s body quivered for release. Only then did she tip her off the cliff.

This was an entirely different kind of dominance, far more thrilling than exploiting the vulnerability of a corpse.

Now it was her turn, and she yielded completely, dancing to the rhythm of the other woman’s tongue. When the haze of bliss finally retreated, Darrin opened her eyes to the familiar request in the Vampire’s gaze. That in itself was another level of submission, the fact that her will always superseded Allana’s desire. The Vampire had the power to take, but only when Darrin was willing to give. The thought alone was such a fantastic aphrodisiac. She nodded permission and Allana found her favorite place, fangs breaking through the juncture of the human’s thigh. What she needed was more than one human could provide, but this was all about want.

Darrin didn’t fight the langor; when it was over, they shared a long, coppery kiss. She left it to Allana to get them out of the water, and the latter deposited them on the bed. They stayed cuddled together for several long minutes, ensconced in the darkness.

“This kinda reminds me of Sao Paolo,” Darrin murmured, breaking the silence. The bed shifted and sheets rustled next to her.

“The rain is not pouring over our heads, we are not dodging arrows left and right, and this place is quite void of angry Ogres. How is this remotely like Sao Paolo?”

She chuckled and moved closer, digging Allana in the hip. “Don’t you remember, after the fighting?”

“I do; it had taken several washes to get the stink of ogre out of my hair,” The Vampire retorted. After a beat, she added, “If anything, it reminds me of Marrakesh.”

A warm smile drifted on Darrin’s face with that memory. Morocco was one of their few moments of respite. Not to mention, her introduction to their famous Hammam. They had shared a bath; they made love in the steam and heat...

“Darrin, what do you intend to do with that child?”

It took Darrin a moment to grasp the question and she shrugged lazily. “You mean Sam? Why? I thought you didn’t care about him.”

“I don’t, but it still begs asking since you continue to harbor him here.”

She leaned up to her elbows, staring at the Vampire. “Well, last I checked, there isn’t a line calling to claim him.”

“That does not address the point.”

“Allana, what does it matter to you? He might as well not exist, for all the attention you’ve paid him.”

Allana also rose to her elbows. “My attention hardly matters, does it?”

Darrin frowned and slowly shook her head. “Don’t tell me… are you jealous of my attention to him?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, how can I be jealous -- look, why is he here? Darrin, have you truly considered your actions?”

Darrin rolled off the bed and fumbled for the light switch, so she could properly glare at her lover. “What do you mean, considered my actions?”

Allana sat upright and crossed her arms. “You intervened in a sanctioned clan war and brought the tribute into a publicly neutral ground. You claim ‘personal responsibility’ for him, knowing fully well that there is no such thing. He is in our club, our home, and we have to answer to whomever comes calling -- mark me, they will soon enough.”

“Yes, our home! And we will answer whoever comes calling for Sam, when that happens,” Darrin countered. “ Like we always do.”

The Vampire sneered and tossed her hair. “And yet, you’re quick to point out that you can fight your own battles.” There was no response to that retort, and so she got to her feet. “I will ask you once again, what is your intent for that child? What are you playing at-”

“What am I playing at?! I saved Solenbam from death! I brought him to the safest place in the world for him. The kid is all sorts of broken and I’m trying my best to piece him back up.” Darrin threw her hands in the air as her voice rose a few octaves. “You know, he hugged me today. Just out of the blue… how many times do you think that has happened in his life?”

Allana’s hands went akimbo and her gaze narrowed. “Ah, I see. You’re picking up strays to play family. I didn’t realize you wanted a child that badly, else I would have found you a stud. ”

“What?”

The human’s voice cracked like a whip but she parried the anger. “You are keeping a werewolf child. He needs a clan, a pack and an Alpha to give him the proper structure and order, to help him thrive. Neither of us is equipped to provide any of these. Every day he spends away from his kind ultimately hampers his survival, his sanity. Do you realize that? Are you really prepared to take responsibility for what he will become because of your meddling? I do not care for him, one way or the other, but my intentions are not patently selfish to the point of his destruction.”

“Damn you, Allana.”

“Yes, but you will hear what I have to say. Even if no one has come to claim the child, shouldn’t you have surrendered him by now? You’re dragging us into another battle, and you need to be honest about why.”

“Yes, I may be dragging us into another battle, but it doesn’t matter why,” Darrin retorted, moving closer. “You keep harping on about what Sam needs -- a pack, and Alpha -- for all the good that did him! You and I know that none of the werewolves want him for anything other than revenge, or their own gain. Well, I actually care about him and I’m not just going to leave him at their mercy. He is a child, not a chess piece or a trophy. This kids stays in Bloodhaven; let them bring their numbers, I don’t care. And, since you’ve decided to be picking your battles, you don’ have to lift a finger. Just don’t get in my way.”

“You’re trying to fix him.” Allana stared at the other woman, her expression turned coolly assessing. “You said it, that he is all sorts of broken… You’re trying to fix him, even though you shouldn’t. Even though you can’t.”

Darrin flinched and stepped back. “What is that supposed to mean?”

But the Vampire only moved closer. Now her stance was predatory.

Darrin felt a sudden chill in the air, just before the overwhelming pressure descended. “Stop that, Allana.” She batted down the Vampire’s mental probe but it came back, even more determined.

“Be honest with yourself, this has nothing to do with Sam. Does it, Darrin?”

She tried to push past her rising fear and put all her energy into building her mental blocks against Allana’s power but all it took was one good shove to kick through her control. Darrin was helpless to the Vampire’s invasion of her mind and thoughts.

Allana smiled grimly as she sifted through her lover’s intentions, she brought her face to Darrin’s ear and whispered softly.

“Listen to me, I know why you’re doing this and it is not going to work. He is not Lilith. ”

The mention of her sister’s name sent a jolt of pure anguish running through Darrin. That face flashed before her eyes and she bit her tongue hard enough to draw blood, shoving back against the intrusion with all her might.

Allana blinked and stepped back, stiffening at the sight of the tears stealing down her lover’s face.

“I know that, Allana. How can I ever forget?”

Something in her voice pushed through the Vampire’s irritation and she realized that she had gone too far.

They stared at each other silently for several long moments. Darrin’s eyes were blank and devoid of any emotion while Allana’s were filled with remorse.

Darrin dropped her gaze and took a deep breath. “You should go.”

The Vampire opened her mouth.

“If you don’t, I will.”

That statement was laden with all sorts of threats. Still, Allana hesitated. She swept out of the room, and the Vampire watched her retreating back.

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User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review · Mon Mar 07, 2016 1:34 am

Hi there! I'm here to rescue your piece from the clutches of the Green Room.

I also haven't read any previous parts so feel free to ignore my ignorance if it shows itself. Hopefully I can still give you a helpful review ^_^

She stared at the arrangement distractedly, her mind still chasing the fading snippets of her dream. Carnations and Asters, certainly not leftovers from the wedding.

Just a nitpick here. The second sentence here surprised me. Darrin is pretty distracted at this point, looking at the flowers without really looking at them. Yet here she is thinking about them anyway. It has to go one way or the other. Is she distracted or not?

It had been eight days she could count, since Darrin shared her lover’s bed.

Since this is chapter 10, I'm sure we would've already met Darrin's lover. It would be nice to use their name here. Even though this is written in third person pov, told by a narrator, we'll still be able to look inside Darrin's mind. And if I had a lover I would sure as heck refer to them by name. Not to mention the term lover illustrates an image of these people being together for much longer than just a single night.

Again, I haven't read the previous chapters so this point might just be for none. I feel like this is more of an introductory chapter than chapter 10. Reading it as a stand alone chapter, there's a lot of description and such, especially in the first part. All that happens is Darrin wakes up and notices the flowers. Where are her thoughts about the wedding? Where are her reactions to those thoughts? There is a moment where she focuses on the wedding, but it feels like it happens in passing. From a 10th chapter I'd expect to be more wrapped up in the story. Yes there are going to be those down times when there is description and not much action, but it will still have to fit in with the storyline. Just something to think about.

“Constance, you should not have been there.”

He relaxed a fraction, and she went boneless against him. “Perhaps, but I needed to see her, to see them. After all, this is what the past five years have come about.”

The dialogue tag I underlined sounds like it would fit better after Didier's dialogue. It starts out describing his reaction to something (why he relaxed I'm not sure, but that's okay) then it turns to Constance's dialogue, which is what the second half of the tag relates to. It'll still work if it's placed a paragraph before. The way it reads right now is a bit confusing because it's placed before Constance's dialogue.

He made a growling sound in his throat. “You have waited five years, what is a few more days?” Still, his hands clasped around hers and she cuddled closer, caressing his chest and shoulders.

“I took her measure last night, Darrin Hartford.”

Constance scoffed dismissively. “She is human, nothing more.”

In the sequence of dialogue, I'm not sure who said the line about taking Darrin's measure. It should be Constance, but then she says the line about Darrin being human. A dialogue tag is needed or a reorganization of the dialogue. I've read through it a few times and I still can't make sense of who said it.

Dialogue is always something a writer needs to be conscious about. It's an important part of any story and the easier it is to follow the better. As I'm sure you know, dialogue tags aren't always needed as long as the dialogue follows a consistent pattern. It's easier to do with two people since it's just switching back and forth. Even within that pattern you have to make sure that each dialogue is easily recognizable.

He rubbed his chin, while distantly pressing a soothing kiss to her hand. “She is not invincible."

He can't really rub his chin and kiss her hand at the same time ;)

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she responded. The other woman leaned against the door, not quite fully in the room.

“Done?”

Allana nodded, gesturing to the papers strewn on the desk. “Just.”

Here's another place where I wasn't quite sure who was saying what. I just wanted to point it out so you could see the places it happens.

I feel like the sex scene comes a bit too quickly here. I've been through a few novels that have a lot of those scenes in them, all in different context and situations. One thing they all hav in common though is that they don't just happen. Once Darrin and Allana are in the bathtub things just start happening. Wouldn't there be some conversation? Or maybe some silence staring into each other's eyes? Things like that. People don't normally just go right at it. There's normally a build up. The soft kiss sort of leads into it, but that's all we get. There's more to sex scenes than just the actual act. Take the opportunity to explore this relationship.

One thing that sticks out to me is the use of the title Vampire. I know that Allana is the vampire, but sometimes it gets confusing. If Vampire is used instead of her name occasionally, maybe a few times a chapter at the most, it would work better. However, using it so constantly while still using Allana's name gets a bit confusing. I think it's just the switch between that gets to me. There doesn't really need to be a constant reminder that Allana is a vampire either. We know that she is one and I'm sure it's been mentioned in a lot of the earlier chapters.

Just out of the blue… how many times do you think that has happened in his life?”

This is just a grammar nitpick here. When using an ellipsis it can either be connected to the two parts of the sentence or disconnected, like you have here. When the two are connected, the word after the ellipsis is lowercase. When the ellipsis is not connected, the word after is capitalized. So in this sentence I quoted the word after should be capitalized.

The one thing that really sticks out to me about this chapter is the amount of breaks it has in it. The breaks where you switch from Darrin to Didier and Constance and then back to Darrin are very much needed. However, the last one that comes after the dinner just ends up breaking the flow. There's no real need for it seeing as the transition to where Allana is could be written out.

I think you've got a pretty good story here. Your writing style is solid throughout this chapter. You seem to take a lot of time to describe things and really worldbuild, something that really pushes a novel forward. Keep up the good work! Just really keep an eye on those dialogue tags as well as plot moving forward.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hey there! Haven't read previous parts so please bare with me.

I found this an interesting read for sure. I'm not too fond of vampires but this story seemed a bit different somehow, which was nice.

Darrin gave her reflection a purposeful nod, and then made for the door, stepping into the activity without.


Without what? This ends rather awkwardly and maybe that was a mistake.


He whistled a low tune,


I liked the idea that him whistling kept the magic at bay because you know that common thing where you whistle when you're trying to pretend you're innocent, or that you're not doing anything suspicious? That just made me think "what if that's the real reason people whistle when they're trying not to get caught?" and my mind was filled with all kinds of what ifs and it was amazing. Not sure if you intended that to be a link or if that's something you found while researching or something- but it was cool, none-the-less!

I found this chapter a little had to follow, and I'm going to argue that that has little to do with me jumping in on chapter ten; I've jumped in on plenty of novels and have been able to follow what's happening in the chapter. But you jump around a bunch- do we really need to see this story from three different people? I mean yes, there was valuable information from all POVs but it also breaks up the chapter quite a lot, I feel. So my suggestion to you is that if you do want to switch to different POVs, that you do so a little less. A common way is to switch in each chapter. If you switch POVs too often it can be hard to follow, and frankly tiring to constantly re-trying to figure out what's happening again and who's there.


Darrin rolled off the bed and fumbled for the light switch,


I thought they were in a bathtub? There didn't seem to be mention of them heading to bed.


Still, Allana hesitated. She swept out of the room, and the Vampire watched her retreating back.


I've noticed that sometimes it's hard to follow who you're talking about, and this line is a good example. First it's Allana, then you use "she" which makes us assume it is still Allana... but then you say that the "vampire" which is Allana of course, watches "she" leave. So we're constantly trying to figure out who is doing what, and it's exhausting- not tying to be mean. Don't be afraid to say names, especially when you have two characters of the same sex in the room. Saying their names is not going to be too repetitive, don't worry. If it keeps things clear and understandable, it's not annoying, trust me.

The other thing I wanted to quickly mention. The whole "letting her drink my blood" thing. I'm going to be brutally honest here: I don't like it. I'm tired of people sexualalizing vampires and drinking blood. I don't get the appeal and it just seems gross and unhealthy to me. Think about it: would you fall in love, romantically, with your sandwich?

All in all I really like the way you write, and I feel like there's a lot of depth to this novel you've got going on. Keep it up!!!

-Socks



Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
— Ellen Degeneres