Published December 17, 2011
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Anyway, I've been experimenting with different forms for poetry. This on is called a pantoum (also spelled pantum). This is how it goes:
Woah! that's quite an interesting repetition scheme you've got going on there, I'd love to try it out sometime. I think a nice title could be something like "my forte". (forte is a musical term that means to play lively and loudly)
Anyway, I found the structure to be quite interesting and thought the repetition was very effective, quite a lovely poem you came up with here!~ Keep writing
A poem about music? Hmmm....Let's see.
I like this! Really. Well the title is already great, why change it? I like slo-mo reads you know. And I think your poem elongated this short moment which is playing this instrument.
I also liked the small piece of humor here. We all try new things, and when we do, it comes to a failure. But after some practice, confidence boosts and reading self-help books, we can be the BEST
Keep writing! Good luck!
Al
This is a rather short poem that I feel needs more explanation into its meaning and its feel. You have a very professional vocabulary that makes me feel child-like in comparison as I don't understand some of the words! (Don't worry, I'll look them up...)
I had to notice though, when I read this, you say:
and then:
Which both have different ways of reading this line (this may be your angle...?), and I was wondering whether you wanted them to be different or had planned them to be the same.
Seeing as this was the only thing I could find ever so slightly 'off' with your poem, it is obviously quite correct. This was a very professional but also, almost childlike (in the narrators view) poem. I love the repetition in the lines which adds emphasis to these points and really makes the reader think how the narrator must have really been stewing over their solo a lot! I'm sure most musicians have felt similarly about any performance (I know I have!) so it is a powerful poem for them/us.
Also, I think that the title is perfect for the poem. In two words it sums up the feeling and meaning of the poem. Who wouldn't be 'quaking' about a Trumpet Solo?! Well done! This is a great poem, a little short maybe (I'd like to read more!), but a very awesome and relative poem!
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I really like the form for this poem and how certain lines are repeated. As for the name, I like the name you gave it. Great job!