Romantic Fiction: The Perfect Gift

Kayt Sinclaire walked down the busy street, red faced and smiling. She loved Christmas, it had always been her favorite holiday, and now, two weeks before, she was finishing her shopping. Kayt stopped, admiring toys in a decorated window of a popular toy store. The bright colors and charming trinkets made her smile with anticipation for the upcoming holiday.

She put a hand to her stomach. She was starting to feel queasy again. She hadn’t been able eat much and had constant indigestion. On top of that, she was exhausted, never being able to put out much physical exertion. She figured that she might be getting another ulcer. She would need to visit the doctor soon after Christmas.

Tears stung at her eyes as she thought about how lonely Christmas was going to be for her. Andrew would be leaving in a week and not coming back until the 10th of January. Even if he were going to be home, she would have still been lonely.

She and Andrew had been married for eight years.

They met in college, through a mutual friend. They started dating and became inseparable. Within 3 months, they were married. Kayt’s mother had said that they were moving too fast, and his friends tried to warn him about settling down so young, but they were too much in love to care about what others thought of their relationship.

To everyone’s surprise, but their own, they were happy together and never once regretted their decision of getting married so quickly. Two years ago, however, they decided that they needed something more. It was then, that Kayt and Andrew began trying to extend their family.

After a year of trying, they started getting restless. Kayt talked him into going to the doctor to see if anything was wrong. The doctor assured them that everything was fine with the both of them, and that they just needed to give it time. So they did, and still no baby.

Both Andrew and Kayt wanted a child badly. In frustration, they had started to turn against each other. He blamed her, she blamed him. They fought so much over their problem, that soon, they quit talking to each other, except when necessary.

Kayt hadn’t heard ‘I love you’ from him forever, and she was starting to wonder if he still did. Every time he would go out of town, she wondered if he was seeing someone else. Their lovemaking had become too routine, lacking emotion.

The only reason behind it was the chance of getting Kayt pregnant. She couldn’t imagine him cheating on her, though; and scolded herself every time she thought of it. She loved him with all of her heart, and wanted badly for everything to go back to normal. Fresh tears poured down her cheeks, as she was brought back to reality.

“Excuse me, Miss. Are you okay?” said a quiet voice at her side. She blinked, remembering where she was, and embarrassed at being caught, crying in front of a toy store.

Eyes still swimming; she looked to her left and studied the old man. He looked to be about 70, with gray hair and loving eyes. She smiled faintly and nodded.

She opened her mouth to reassure him that she was fine, but couldn’t seem to focus on what she was going to say. Her eyelids fluttered, her eyes rolled back, and she fainted.

The man, as though expecting her to pass out, caught her in his arms and laid her gently onto the ground. People had stopped their holiday hustle to form a circle around them. One woman stepped forward, offering her cell phone to call 911. As the man did so, Kayt had started to stir. She sat up, confused, and questioned him about what had happened.

“You fainted. But don’t worry, the ambulance is on its way.” She shook her head. “No, I’m fine, really. I must have gotten too warm.” Just then, the ambulance pulled up. The old man looked down at her, sitting on the ground like a child, and smiled gently at her. “I think you’d better go,” he said. Feeling faint again, Kayt agreed.

When she got to the hospital, she called Andrew to tell him what had happened. He said he would be right over and she talked to a doctor while waiting.

After a long series of questions, the doctor agreed with Kayt thinking that she might have an ulcer. The doctor decided to give her a sonogram. The radiologist was in that day, so she’d know after the sonogram if she had an ulcer or not.

She undressed in a cubicle, and emerged in a white gown and her shoes. Andrew joined her in the room, followed by a young, male technician. She laid down and he applied a cool gel to her stomach.

He began rolling the transducer around Kayt’s stomach applying mild pressure. She frowned, bored, and waited for all of it to be over. Andrew sat quietly in a chair, looking anxious.

The technician stopped and grinned.

“When was your last period, Mrs. Sinclaire?” he asked She thought for a second. “About two months ago,” she replied, confused at the significance of the question.

“That sounds about right,” he said, nodding. He zoomed in on the sonogram screen, pressed a button and a white asterisk appeared on the screen, covering something that was throbbing.

“See this?” Kayt and Andrew looked closer. Andrew’s breath caught and Kayt gasped. The technician smiled again. “A baby,” he exclaimed.

Kayt’s eyes shifted to Andrew’s. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, as the technician slipped out the door, unnoticed.

Andrew wheeled his chair over to her and rested his hand on her gel-covered stomach, tears burning his eyes. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“I love you,” he said. Kayt smiled. “I love you, too,” she responded. She sighed, sat up, and kissed her husband.

This Christmas, she had gotten the perfect gift.

Comments & reviews · 5
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~luv2write~ Review

It was soooo cute! This short was really good except for the grammar and mechanical mistakes. but that's why it's up for critiquing, right? lol. anyways.

"She loved Christmas, it had always been her favorite holiday, and now, two weeks before, she was finishing her shopping. Kayt stopped, admiring toys in a decorated window of a popular toy store." This is a run-on and needs to be fixed. I see two or three different sentences in here, so if you split them up, it will make the story even better.

Another thing: I also noticed that you use "She" at the beginning of your sentences a lot. If you change the order of the sentence around a bit sometimes, it makes things a lot less repetitive.

But I really love the way that you ended it, even though it was a bit abrupt.

Keep writing!!

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Boni_Bee
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Yeah, that was nice! :D

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Tazy
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I loved it to it just keept me reading

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Emma
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Wow, that was really good! Its nice they got a baby in the end! God, I'm so bad at critiquing work. :roll:

I just liked it.

This was good, i really liked it. It's nice and simple, which works for a story like this. My only suggestion is that you should expand a bit more on the story, the ending, seemed too sudden. I think should you expand the last scene between Kayt and Andrew a bit, and that would make the story perfect. Otherwise, good job and keep writing!



The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare