Published September 25, 2005
Perfect
If it weren't for you,
I'd be perfect.
If you weren't here,
I'd have someone on my side.
If I had never met you,
Never said hi;
I'd know what it was like,
To love and be loved.
If it weren't for you,
I'd be perfect.
If you weren't here,
I'd know that someone, anyone cared.
And that I wasn't alone,
That I wasn't useless.
If it weren't for you,
I'd be perfect.
I'd be me,
Confident,
Carefree,
In all of my
Perfection.
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The poem went quickly, i think i liked because of that reason. It didn't drag on and i like the way you repeated 'If it weren't for you i'd be perfect'. It was a really good technique to use!
Overall, a poem a lot of people could relate to. A little redundant and of course it's the "c" word as well, but I'll leave that alone this time around.
Two things:
"If you weren't here,
I'd know that someone, anyone cared."
"Anyone" and the comma before are out of place. Consider taking them out.
"And that I wasn't alone,
That I wasn't useless."
No "And" there. You don't need it.
"In all of my
Perfection."
Sorry, but this was very, very weak. Particularily for the ending of the poem. If you can't think of anything try doing this:
"If it weren't for you,
I'd be perfect.
I'd be me,
Confident,
Carefree
In all of my
Perfection."
Just break it up so it won't be as bad. Also "I'd be me," Uh...you need to find something else to replace that.
I was a pretty good poem to have had no imagery or uniqueness about it, but with the things I suggested, I think it could be just a little better.