Poem #1
I had a dog once it
Had only three legs
I rescued him from the
Pound I thought I did
I had only had him one
Week he walked out into the
Street maybe if I’d have
Walked with him
I used to dream that I
Screamed
Cried
His flesh splattered blood
All over the road
The White van
Truth be told I did
Neither nothing except
Standing watching
It was better this way to be
Gone I’m sure he
Would have wanted
Else he would never have
Walked out into the street
Oh how I do envy I wish I
Were as fragile
Turns out I did
Rescue him
After all
If only someone
Same for me
Poem #2
Black
These walls
This Room
These flaws
Black
My eyes are open
Black
My eyes are closed
Black
Lain on the Black
Wooden flaw Naked
The cold it feels
Black
The long iced liquid
The sharp tip
The open flesh
The euphoria
Red
Goodbye Black world
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,890 Literary Works • 673,704 Reviews
for the first poem, did you write it in that style on purpose? it breaks the sentences in the middle and gives it a jagged rhythm. can you explain why you did this? other than that, its a poem that seems to start off a little bit humorously (could be my misinterpretation), then gets tragic.
this bit didn't make sense to me as a sentence
this seemed to be an incomplete sentence.... perhaps i don't have that much experience with poems
the second one i liked more. The meaning was clear, and it was provocative and dark (excuse the pun). i think it's about suicide... am i right? i hope you have never considered it. otherwise, i like the line:
i immediately understood that no matter what the author tries, they're still depressed. say, do you read a lot of Sylvia Plath? i haven't read any myself..
I liked both, yes. The first poem: It is just when I started reading it, I could tell each line didn't quite connect. It sounds rough at the edges. Overall it was ok but it doesn't really have a complete story to it...try playing with emotions. reading aloud really helps fix lines that don't sound fit.
The second poem I thought was interesting. I liked the last line, too. Keep on writing!
~Sky
Hey Amie,
Weird, for some reason the poems format is scattered all over the place but when I hit reply the correct format you orginally put it in, shows at the bottom. Thank God because I was deeply confused at first.
However, I am still a bit confused with the format you put the first poem in, could you explain it maybe? It doesnt read together..
Shouldn't it be..
I had a dog once
It had only three legs
I rescued him from the pound-
I thought I did
?
It is an interesting topic to say the least and so is the one that follows.
Quite fascinating! I like the word euphoria and the transition to RED.
Anyways... that's all I have for you right now, till I can somehow connect to what it is you are trying to convey with your poetry.