Pale yellow bricks
White dripping sinks
The florescent lights blink
He Sits
Teachers yelling
Tick tok telling
Kids rebelling
He Stands
No more mocking
No more talking
He pulls the trigger until
Click
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140,589 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Felistia here, I would like to write a review.
I love the way this poem reads, it is so smooth and before you know it, it ends. The ending is clever and is an unexpected curve ball.
When I read the title I found my self going back to the Wizard of Oz song, The Yellow Brick Road. I thought this was going to be a spinoff of that, how wrong I was.
I love this poem and look forward to more of you works.
I really like the way this poem flows and moves from one line to the other so easily. The message here is very strong.
I feel that this captures the the feeling of schools these days quite well.These lines sort of show who the poem is about, probably a student who has been bullied relentlessly and has finally had enough.
I feel that "click" actually portrays the feeling pretty well. Guns do click when the hammer falls but doesn't strike a bullet. That second of silence when the clip is empty and the ringing in your ears dies.
Very well done and I love this poem!
I enjoyed this poem, despite the ending. It was very well written in my opinion. I liked the rhymes and the beat of the poem. There were just a few things I was wondering:
1. Where you said, "He Stands" and "He Sits", was the capitalization of the second line a choice in style? I'm not very good at reviewing poetry, so there might just be something I am missing.
2.
Here, I felt like there was a stronger word you could use to describe the sound or the feeling. The ending feels a bit flat compared to the rest of the poem. Maybe you could use a more descriptive word.
3. Also, did you want to put it into stanzas? It looks a bit neater if you press shift then enter, so you can use enter for the lines between your stanzas.
That's all I have. I really liked your poem and can't wait to see more of your poems!
Really great poem! The structure is really unique same with the rhythmn. No complaints! Post more poems!
I really like it, Your use of Alliteration really helps the Rhythm in my opinion, This is definitely deep and you can get an idea of the situation the person is in. well done!