Young Writers Society

This is my favorite line! (I don't know why!)

Cheer up little one

ameria.rain wrote:Cheer up little one,
don't be [s]too[/s] sad.
Instead of your fate,
think of the life you once had.

I'm sorry for the abrupt,
AN unexpected ending.
I know how hard it is,
and it may be life bending.

You're a true saint,
you know, little one?
With a tragic conclusion,
the closing statement: A Gun.

Here's the perfect [s][s]ex[/s]ample[/s], SAMPLE
of how the good die young.
But if it were all up to me,
this cliché would be hung.

~ameria.rain~

Loved it! It was very nice! (Though I still like 'Little Boy' even more!)

Now time for the real review:

There's not much I'd like you to change, stanza 2 felt a little awkward and forced, how about changing the words 'abrupt' and 'unexpected' to something else? When I think of something to change it with, I'll post again!

Good work!

Keep writing!

God bless!

The poem had a nice feeling to it, and I could pretty much see what you wanted to get at. I loved the line about the 'true saint'. It painted a nice scene in my head. Overall, I have to say it was pretty good.

However, one big thing would be rhythm. The 1st, 2nd, and 4th stanzas flowed pretty well, but the 3rd might need some work. Perhaps the last two lines of it could be reworded?

Anyway, I have to say it was a nice piece.

Good luck writing!