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E - Everyone

weary summer.

by amelie

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1079 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 1079

Sat Aug 12, 2017 8:52 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...

Hi there Amelie! This is Kays here dropping in for a review because I can't miss out on reviewing any of your poetry. That being said, please post more. Give me those sweet sweet words more often because I have missed them. Without further ado, let's review!

I can say with confidence that this is different in style from what I've usually seen from you, and that's alright. I love seeing experimentation because experimentation leads to improvement! Learning strengths! Learning weaknesses! Learning how to cash in on those strengths and improve those weaknesses! Speaking of both of those, there are a few of emotion words that are used in this poem which I found to be a weakness. Happy. Hurt. There are also a nice portion of adjectives being used such as warm and wet. Neither of these devices are overused. Instead, I found imagery to be underused here where there's potential to go into more depth than just warm and wet.

Warm and wet like what? A swamp? A summer storm? What was the other person happy like before? Was the joy bubbling in their stomach? Were there fishing lines in each cheeks making them unable to stop smiling? What is the hurt like? That's enough examples because I'm pretty sure you get the point of what I'm attempting to say. Instead of a punch to the stomach this is more of a gentle wave washing over the reader in catharsis type of impact with this piece. I'm mixed on the themes that are displayed because there's not a lot of clarity brought to them. I wonder of who the driver is and who 'you' is in relation.

Give us more context clues as to what's going on there. The ending stanza points to this being about not knowing where you're going. Why is the place off of the road a place where life is worth living? I enjoy the use of 'you' though at the same time I wanted to know who they are. Overall though that's your choice whether or not to be vague because both are able to work and be well-executed. This is solid. This is a start to pick poetry back up and the punch is more of a tidal wave lapping around the legs of the reader.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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60 Reviews

Points: 34
Reviews: 60

Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:11 pm
AllisonArgent wrote a review...

Hmm, call me lazy but the only reason I come to the poetry section is to earn quick points but when I read somethings I like it but I 'm not really a big fan of poetry......... ........................ .................Overall I would say that your poem is good. See what I just said good but not amazing. You have really good writing skills but your draw back seems like you can't put you skill into paper or in this case screen.Even though I'm not a bid fan of poetry What I think I know about it is I think poetry is about the feel of words , it's almost similar to listening to a poem but when I read your poem I feel like reading a paragraph from a story. I seriously don't see any connection of the poem with the title. Poetry is also about trying to convey omething, I know you tried but the readers doesn't really understand what it is about, your seem like it was cut out from somewhere[If I sounded rude,I'm sorry but it is a good poem but it needs a lot of work to be perfect]

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Points: 256
Reviews: 1

Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:08 pm
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StoneHeart1899 wrote a review...

This is deep. This piece hits you with sadness and the feeling of having no will to live. I haven't been on the site for a while so this being my first piece I've read, it was a great welcome. I'm glad you published this piece. Though on line 9 I would stick something right there to separate the lines, perhaps a comma? Though if you decide not to it's still great work! Good job!

Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman