I saw eternal love in your eyes
I saw the everlasting purity and endless light
Beyond the horizon where your warmth never dies
Behind fantasy, like your smile, so serene and bright
Mother, between the letters of this sacred word
Lies the essence of your arcane existance
A cryptic legend of which I've always heard
Suddenly saw through your leviathan persistance
You're a heavenly patron sent from above
A sweet kiss from the dazzling stars
You're a different world of incessant love
A clasp far from all wounds and scars
May man ever learn to love a soul like you?
Like a sweet memory of dancing with day and night
Your beauteous eyes make my sky warm and blue
And my happiness a path so safe and bright.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
First of all, let me say that I am simply bursting with a mixture of adoration, envy, and pure poetic ecstacy. The wording was amazing beyond all description, because I'm sure you could describe it better anyway. The message was clear and the metaphors and similies were spot on. Just know that you have made a new fan, and I can't wait to read more from you.
Now, down to business.
Your rhyme scheme was perfect, and your stanza formation is also perfect for this poem. The one and only fault I could find was a few mistakes in your rhythm. It's barely noticable, but just out of writer's honor, I felt that needed to be pointed out. Just keep your syllable count in mind and track your accents and unaccents. I know it can be a pain, but it makes your poetry flow more naturally. Don't fret, it's a common mistake that I often make myself.
Once again, superb poem, worthy of endless acclaimation. Good job.
I will do a normal review: Blue for comments, and red for corrections.
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I saw eternal love in your eyes
I saw the everlasting purity and endless light
Beyond the horizon where your warmth never dies
Behind fantasy, like your smile, so serene and bright
Mother, between the letters of this sacred word
Lies the essence of your arcane #FF0000 ">existance #0000FF ">[Existence]
A cryptic legend of which I've always heard
Suddenly saw through your leviathan #FF0000 ">persistance #0000FF ">[Persistence]
You're a heavenly patron sent from above
A sweet kiss from the dazzling stars
You're a different world of incessant love
A clasp far from all wounds and scars
May man ever learn to love a soul like you?
Like a sweet memory of dancing with day and night
Your beauteous eyes make my sky warm and blue
And my happiness a path so safe and bright. #0000FF ">[CUTE!!!!]
That's pretty much it. I am not going to use the overused W word on this so...This is freaking awesome! I have nothing more to say, thank you and goodbye.
<3~Razi
OMG i swear you guys put tears into my eyes.. hey that rhymed
thank you all so much, your comments mean the world to me!
Um, WOW! I thought I wrote good poetry. Dang girl! Um, yeah. It was awesome.
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Hey,
You'll probably be annoyed at this pointless comment but I'm going to do it anyway.
I have nothing to say other than WOW!!! You are an amazing writer and one day the world will cherrish you untainted words and meaningful ideas.
-Blossom
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WOW! Just saying.