When I was a child, I used to spit my food
I must have hated the thought of it going down my throat
Then I started to grow up
You see, it isn’t until you grow up that your insecurities actually become a part of you
There is a part of you that dies
The accepting part
The ‘being comfortable with your body’ part
Looking in the mirror and being aware
That my collar bones stick out and my ribcage is on show
You see I cover myself up and that makes people not know
About what lies underneath
The skeleton under my skin seems to fight its way out just so that I can look at myself and hate what I see
Trying to forget about these insecurities because there is ‘nothing wrong with being skinny of course’
There is no time to complain
Never a time to say that I want to change myself and be healthier
There’s no need to go to the gym because I am what other people desire
No need to change my diet because I’m doing fine already
But being afraid that people will grab my tiny wrists and compare it to theirs is not “fine”
Feeling so conscious about my weight and worried that I might always be weak and sick is not “fine”
You see this one time a lady I hardly knew commented on my body and questioned whether or not I even ate
That this is “not good”
I guess that means shame on me
Shame on me for trying to eat a lot but it never seems to make me look healthier
Shame on me for always being weak and tired
Shame on me for the way I look which always seems to have an impact on the way I feel
I guess I should have told her that to her face
But I didn’t
The same way I didn’t say that to the girls at school who were jealous that I had the thin body they ‘dreamed of’
The same way I didn’t tell my mother every time she finds a new nickname for me
The same way I can’t even seem to convince myself that I’m okay with it
Because I’m not
So stop
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
I read your title and thought this was going in a completely different direction. I applaud you for taking this side we don't talk about often and, well, talking about it. In a very powerful way. Weeellll, onto the review.
~ I thought it was a bit too long for a poem. Of course, there are long poems, but I feel like with what you're writing about and your abrupt, fierce ending "Because I'm not/ So stop" it would be better suited to be cut down. Maybe a little less about the childhood? I don't know. Whatever you think will make it work.
~ I loved the repetition. I often do that as well and I think that it was quite powerful. The repetition of "The same way" at the end kicked my ass. And the "Shame on me" -- the reader could feel the sarcasm dripping out of that. This is not your fault and people are making it out to be and honestly there's nothing wrong but people can't see that? I love it. Love it love it love it. I saw a lot of "There's no" which worked well.
~I think this could be really powerful. Like, really freaking powerful. And I know this part is hard, I really do. But you have so much anger and so many words that this really feels like a rant. Feeling your anger is good. But we are not your friends who totally get you. We are the outsiders who are trying to peer into your world and to do this we must see you, at your fullest, crying out in outrage in a clear, concise way.
I don't know if that made sense and I really hope I did not offend with that last comment.
Overall this was really quite good. You have a talent for this.
Keep Writing
Let start with the negative part. It is repetitive, that I did see. I counted at-least three uses of never and four uses of 'shame'. Stylistic choice or just lack of vocabulary (you choose !) ? For the rest I thought it was a bit too long and maybe too wordy to be a proper poem. Use more analogues and metaphors, that helps. Try to be shorter - people are keen to stop reading if they think it is too long, and trust me, they often do. For the rest - the emotion is conveyed, but like I said - too wordy means it doesn't hit strong. It does have some nice imagery though, try to cling on to that. Show, not tell. In a poem that works even more, since people are going to like a hard-hitting short read better than something that conveys its emotions well but is a ton to read. IMHO, of course, feel free to put me into ignore mode if you feel like it. I liked the ending though, body positivity ftw. And the thing I didn't get was - is this girl bulimic or does she have some other problem ? Isn't clear at all. Maybe you can convey it, like I said before, through metaphors and shorting of the text. Cut a few things here and there, make it sound less repetitive (or choose one word that echoes through the whole thing - makes for an awesome effect, really like it) and you will have one gemstone of an poem.
Thanks. Yeah, the repetitiveness was done on purpose as I plan to use this as a spoken word piece, feedback is greatly appreciated
Hello! Kitten here for a review.
As I was reading this, I found this an AMAZING piece. Nothing was really to be fixed. You did such an amazing job. I really hope you do more poetry in the future. This was an excellent poem. Just wanna say, great job, it was fantastic, and I hope that you do lots more in the future.
Best of luck,
XxPheonixKittenxX
(If you need anything, my inbox is always open.)
Have a fantastic Day!