z

Young Writers Society


12+

It wasn't her fault

by amazingbt


She wiped off black tears

And threw an old sweater on

Trying to hide from

   

The jeers of the crowd

Maybe he just likes you?

It wasn’t her fault that

    

Her uniform skirt

Was three inches too short

But she couldn’t miss

    

The rent pay again

Don't worry he had said

I really like you

       

It wasn’t her fault that

He left her on the floor of

The ninth grade hallway

       

It wasn’t her fault that

Many seemed provoked

At the thought of her

            

It wasn’t her fault that

They saw more of a future

In her looks than her thoughts

       

So when he came to her

Maybe he just likes you?

They said and found it okay

         

That he hurt her

And stole the life from her

Leaving a ghost behind

           

It wasn’t her fault

She asked for help and instead got

Maybe he just likes you?

             

He said he could save her

Only to leave her more maimed than before

Her screams were swallowed

                      

With empty promises

The carcass that remained cried that

It wasn’t her fault

                 

Her broken pleas were heard

And when she asked the sky for mercy

The stars shone at her

        

They mocked her from above

Maybe he just likes you?

It wasn’t even her fault


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Points: 38
Reviews: 1

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Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:15 pm



This sounds just like a song I listen to. Its called Older by Sasha Sloan. And the part where you say it wasn't her fault sounds like me.




amazingbt says...


Thanks for reading!



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465 Reviews


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Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:07 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey :) this is my first review, so this may be awkward, haha.
I really loved this! I personally liked how the last line of the stanza cut off, and you'd have to read the first line of the next stanza to complete the thought. It captured my attention and kept me interested throughout.
I also really loved how you repeated "maybe he just likes you?" several times throughout the poem. I loved every stanza, and in particular, the last two.
Thanks for sharing your work! :)




amazingbt says...


Thanks!!!



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Thu Apr 09, 2020 12:27 pm
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R.Harini wrote a review...



An amazing piece. Full of emotions and describing the bare truth through your words. The imagery is subtle yet painful and I absolutely love the repetition of the line "Maybe he just likes you" which frames and guides the poem incredibly.
This was excellent and I hope you would continue to write more and impact us




amazingbt says...


Thanks! :)



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Thu Apr 09, 2020 6:26 am
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rainforest wrote a review...



hi there!

welcome to yws! glad to see that you’re getting into writing poetry! it’s my personal favorite. :)

quick note, i have not done a review in a while, so take every one of my comments with a grain of salt!

first of all, i noticed the structure of the poem. right away, i thought that this would be a continuous haiku because each stanza had three lines. i think that if you could artfully make this poem a running haiku, that would be very interesting. as i read on, though, i was confused in how you split up each stanza.

“ She wiped off black tears

And threw an old sweater on

Trying to hide from



The jeers of the crowd

Maybe he just likes you?

It wasn’t her fault that”

right from the get go, you cut off the last words of the two stanzas, which was very confusing and i had to try to make the connection. this at times can seem choppy. with poetry, you have to try to find a good way to start new lines so it isn’t super confusing to the reader. in the poem, you use some personification, especially when you talk about “the stars mocking her,” which i love. use more of that figurative language because when done right, it is absolutely beautiful and adds so much more to the poem. with that, you need to do more showing, rather than telling. show us how she feels, show us how the male character feels.

one thing that really shines in this poem is the use of the “maybe he just likes you” motif. adding those in throughout the poem reminders the reader of what you’re trying to convey, and it shows us her thoughts. it really contrasts from the rest of the poem, because through your other words, you’re basically saying that he doesn’t like her and he is only using her, which proves that it wasn’t even her fault.

i think you did a great job with this, but there is definitely lots of room to add on! i hope to see you grow in your writing!

-yellow




amazingbt says...


Tysm!^^




*surprised scream* Aaaaah, NaNo!
— spottedpebble