Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well..this was quite an awesome first chapter, the way that you introduce this main issue her and our main character here is just done brilliantly and it really does make you want to learn more about what ends up happening to this girl.
Anyway let's get right to it,
He said he loved me. That was a lie. He said he would never leave me. That too was a lie. I'm sick of it. Sick of the endless wondering. Sick of the insufferable chain of lies. But most of all, I'm sick of the life I've come to live. I'm constantly wondering if it's him knocking. If it's him coming back for me. It's not though, nor will it ever be. I'm living in a fantasy and I know it, but lord, I deserve it don't I?
Oh dear, well this is off to a bit of a sad sounding start there. It appears this is someone that's loved someone who was very important to them but as it turns out said person was not exactly the kind to stick around and love them back. And of course that line about how despite all of that, how they keep wondering that if they are going to be coming back...and how they're living a fantasy by doing that...well that one really nails home what this situation is At any rate, this makes for quite an awesome and very attention grabbing start to this her first chapter.
All my life, I've grown up facing the harsh reality. Mom died when I was 6, followed by Grams and Gramps. They were the only ones who truly loved me. In the books, everyone has someone. Someone to hold their hand and support them when times get rough. Someone who will never leave their side no matter how horrible of a life they're living. But in reality, no one wanted to befriend the girl who lived in a one-bedroom apartment that could come crashing down at any second. The girl whose alcoholic father was constantly passed out on the so-called living room floor. The girl that owned the most inexpensive clothes from the local Goodwill. That girl was me. No one cared about my good grades and perfect attendance, my willingness to accept people for who they were, and no one cared about me or how I felt.
Hmm, well judging by the pattern described there, I am going to assume its her father that is the one that is referred to as he in the above paragraph, and well, this is painting a truly horrifying picture of the kind of childhood this girl here may have had. It certainly is talking of a situation that is truly hard to even fathom how lonely and sad it might have been. And of course those last two lines about how she still managed to do as best as she could but no one still cared is really the ones nailing home how horrible this is turning out to be. Well, I'm certainly already invested in this girl's story.
My father was my only family left. Naturally, I assumed that the death of my mother would've made him love me more. I guess I was wrong. No one knew him like I did except for Mom. When he was sober, he could be the greatest person imaginable. Every once in a while, he would surprise me with trinkets, amazing dinners, and sometimes, we would share a night together filled with only movies, candy, and laughter. Those nights were the ones I cherished most; because even with bills to pay and bigger problems to face, it was just us. But I guess he couldn't handle it anymore, and I guess that's why he left. That's why I hate him. He left like I was nothing. Like I was just another mistake. Did he even think of me before walking out that door? I must not have been worth enough consideration, and for those reasons, I think I undeniably earned the right to call him the ass he is. I want to let go of the thought of him coming back... but I don't know how.
Well, that was another darn well constructed paragraph, the creating of the sparks of hope there, of the father perhaps trying to be a good person and sort of showing us how the girl may have thought of her father and cherished little moments like that before dropping the big ol' bomb of how the father is indeed the one that left and caused all of this horrendous stuff to happen here. And well, the extra bit of detail packed into the start of this first paragraph certainly help make this ending just that much more powerful and it certainly is quite powerful here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty darn well done first chapter here, this is certainly going to be ticking pretty much all the boxes that you might expect a first chapter to tick. If I read this as the first chapter, I would certainly be turning that page to find out more.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
The repetition of 'sick' actually wasn't annoying and made the overall prose stronger, in my personal opinion.
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
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