Published November 7, 2010
I am aLone.
and my screams echo in my own mind.
my words disInegrate the very instant
they
leave
my
lips.
now i'm theirs.
and they rAvenously
devour
me.
...
but when they're hungry again
they'll break the surface.
and emerge,
stained with
hate.
and my feaR will trickle
from the sides of their mouths.
tonight?
I'm not setting
my alarm.
because,
tomorrow?
I'm
not
waking
up.
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,384 Reviews
this poem is very unique and touching. I always used to write poems like this, and I can relate to you, and If you did write this from a personal experience I'm so sorry. But, if not I love it anyways but I love the way you spaced this poem out I love reading poems like that. I love that there was a secret message hidden in the poem, it gives the reader something to look forward to at the end of the poem. Very nice.(:
Teen angst/drama is full o f so many topics, yet it is so difficult to write about.
Nice job. The little problems that were there have already been stated.
Overall I liked this poem, so good job.
^^already explained most of it so I'm just going to say a few things:
The capitalized words had me going for a moment, but I understood a while later
Your grammar is fine, and the spacing was confusing for me, but I' just stupid like that
Anyways, keep up the good work!
Hey there! I'm going to be very quick with this, and I only have a few points to touch on. I'll start off by saying that I'm not really a fan of the entire poem--there are points of interest, but altogether, it just doesn't work for me.
If you're interested in me giving you a more thorough review/analysis, just PM me and let me know! Oh, and definitely let me know when/if you've updated this!
What you seem to have here is a poem that serves as an amalgam of teenage angst: breakup, drama, accusation, and suicide. If this is an accurate teenage grieving process, then we have issues we need to address.
The capitalized-and-underlined letters threw me off, though I've done it before, myself. It ties into the title, it gives more insight as to what the narrator is saying, so you can keep it. However, take away either the capitalization or the underlining because you don't need both. It becomes too obvious at that point.
The spacing was another quirk, but one that I can get over pretty quickly. Poetic license: you have it. However, try to be consistent with your spacing and line breaks, as you have a few lines that jut out quite a bit.
The capitalization is no problem because you were consistent. The punctuation is no problem of mine, either. Unlike most poets I review, you seem to like consistency in grammar.
Like I said, this isn't really my cup of tea, but it's a decent poem and shows much promise!
-Lumiface