Where the River Flows

hi,

Just to let you know I really liked your poem. I find it easy to relate to, as I think all of us at one point in our lives undergo a similar struggle. I like the first two stanzas but I do think the third one needs a bit more work. The punctuation needs a bit of work and the second to last line "I walk a foot with my own choice to make you listen to my only voice." ruins the flow of the poem a bit. But I can see your passion and keep writing, it's great

Hello there. I am here for the review. :3

Okay if I sound a little tough or harsh I am sorry for that.
So this was supposed to be a poem speaking about the narrators connection with the almighty? You know, you could have kept it a little simple and said the same things without confusing the reader. To be honest I got really confused while reading this.

And also you could have done a really better work with the punctuation. With proper punctuation and breaks, it would look better and even sound better inside the head.



Oh lord where the river flows.
Down the hill of the highest mountain.
So still with mighty silence.

I liked the contrasting images and you used good words but you should have used a comma after Oh lord, that would have made it much better.


Could you hear me?
Could you see me?
You free with a love that’s strong.
Or could I be wrong?

The third line didn't sound correct. Maybe something is missing from it. You might want to look into that.


Oh lord where the river flows…
So slow,
Time is all mine where the river flows.
Only one thing keeps us apart.
A bridge at the ridge where the river flows.
Right and Wrong.
Strong or Weak.
Pure and Corrupt.
Evil or Good.
I walk a foot with my own choice to make you listen to my only voice.
Oh lord where the river flows…


Don't use so many ellipses at once, ruins the flow. And try not to repeat words at small intervals and again punctuation are missing.
I really liked the second last line though.

All in all it was a good one but it could have been better.
Keep writing, yo. ^^

Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another review!

Ok so, overall it's not bad. A couple parts like the first stanza didn't rhyme. The second concern is you just put, where the river flows in there so many times. Where you put it at the beginning and the end was good, but in the middle, not so much. Good job though! I liked the style and the title. The genres and the rating is correct. So, good job! I will look for more stories and poems by you. Don't give up and always write!

-Unknown391625

Wow, you really captured the thoughts of religious people. Speaking to the Lord, yet not knowing if he's truly there. I love the way it's worded and all together special in its own way. I also like how it doesn't have to rhyme like many religious poems often have to do, to make up for lack of context.
I like your style, and hope to see more like it.

Good luck to you!

I really loved reading this. I hope to read more stuff by you!

Hello. Dogsrule5 here to review!

So first of all this was really touching, and it touched my heart. Okay I for one think this is one of the best poems ever, and I really like poetry.

Nitpicks and Mistakes.

1. First one is a suggestion. Alright so you stanzas are kind of uneven. So you should change them, but honestly you don't have to, but it seems odd to me, but that's only my opinion, so you don't have to listen to me if you don't want too! XD!

2. You lines are kind of uneven also. One is two words, and the next one, almost seems like a hole sentence. Now what I suggest is you either even you lines, and make a few more stanzas, or what I highly recommend is that, you just put everything in one hole piece, with also making some of your lines shorter. Let me give you an example that you could change some lines to.

Oh lord where the river flows...
So slow,
Time is all mine where the river flows...

Oh lord,
Where the river flows...
So slow,
Time is all mine
Where the river flows.
Only one thing,
Can keep us apart.
A bridge at the ridge,
Where the river flows.
Right and wrong,
Strong or weak
Pure and Corrupt.
Evil or good.
I walk a foot,
With my own choice,
To make you listen,
To my only voice
Oh lord,
Where the river flows...

Right and Wrong.
Strong or weak.
Pure and Corrupt.
Evil or good.