Published June 5, 2009
You're my rain in a bottle ottle.
Oh, oh, oh
Keep me company,
thats what you should do.
I'll catch you falling from the sky,
little droplets in my bottle.
In the summer night when we're okay
Come over and dont be late.
I pine and pine for my sweet rain.
Rain from the sky or rain in your eyes.
I wanna know if you'll always have my heart.
I'm under your umbrella but I wanna be free.
Free in the sky and free to love.
I wanna do me and have my serenity.
If people wanna know, we'll just say we're ok.
Because I'll still catch you falling from the sky.
little droplets in my bottle
In the summer night when we're okay
Come over and dont be late.
You're my rain in a bottle ottle.
Oh, oh, oh
Keep me company,
Thats what you should do.
I'll kiss you at sunrise before I leave.
Under your umbrella, it would be nice to stay.
But stay in my bottle when I run away.
Even when we say goodbye, hold me tight.
I need time to be on my own.
To set me straight on this road.
Life's just getting too crazy baby.
I'll come back and love you better.
Even then when we'll be wetter.
Stay my rain in a bottle ottle
Oh oh oh
keep me company
Thats what you should do
I'll catch you falling from the sky.
little droplets in my bottle ottle
In the summer night when we're okay
Come over and dont be late.
I wanna know if you'll always have my heart.
I'm under your umbrella but I wanna be free.
Free in the sky and free to love.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,793 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
[quote="Babanuuk"]it reminds me of some indie, bluesy artists.
Jack Johnsonish, perhaps? quote]
Both of you totally hit the nail on that one! Yes... if I had a chance to polish this song I would re-write it with Jack or Colbie. They both are in that direction I was going for. Specifically a 'Banana Pancakes' vibe, a bit funky or 'Bubbly'.
I was also inspired by 'Umbrella' by Rihanna and 'Big Girls Don't Cry' by Fergie. I definitely incorporated their themes in here. It could also go in the direction of the Umbrella sound. Spacey, dancey and just weird. Maybe a mix by The-Dream & Tricky (Umbrella) haha I'm dreaming
I would love more reviews. They would help me out a bunch!
You should consider making the song a little longer and adding something to make it flow. Also if a song inspired it you need to come up with a way to make it diffrent from that song, make sure the beat isn't the same as the one that inspired you. But good luck
!
This was probably one of my favorite lines in this song
It was nicely said.
I think you had the same problem I do when I write lyrics. I try to make everything rhyme. Songs aren't meant to rhyme ALL the time, they should just go with the flow of the music it's meant to be put to.
Besides that I loved it.
Nitpicks/Things to point out:
This didn't flow for me at all, it's too long. Just make a new line at 'come'. Oh, and don't forget to add all the punctuation like the apostrophe in 'don't'
This is cute
This got to rhymey-rhymey. First of all, I don't think 'wetter' is a word
Rhyme/Rhythm:
Some parts got a little rhymey-rhymey, like I mentioned above, but all in all I thought everything sounded pretty good and flowed well. I could hear this song in my head as I went along and it kind of had a Colbie Callait (probably spelled that wrong...
Topic/Overall:
I thought the song was really cute. It had this sweet, summery air to it, I liked it, nice job
-Carly
Hey there.
When I read this I couldn't help but think of the Police. Maybe that's just because the title sounds so much like "Message in a Bottle."
I'm not sure what style you intend this to be but it very much reminds me of some indie, bluesy artists.
Jack Johnsonish, perhaps?
I like the imagery "rain in my bottle" & "under your umbrella."
The mood was nostalgic, bittersweet... very calming.
I don't have any specific critiques,
but I will say in some places it seemed a little muddled. (Maybe rewrite for stronger theme?)
Nice work.
Peace,
BABANUUK
Thanks for the reviews.
No this song is totally not a rap song.
anyone else?
I think rest was good.
--------------------------
Rhythm:-
It had a really good rhythm. I was able to hear the song in my head, which is good.
Rhyme:-
Good rhyme scheme used.
Words:-
Nice use of words to express your feeling, which is awesome.
Overall:-
Overall I thought the song was really very good.
~ Anshita
I like this, is the style rap???
Anyway you want to make sure you keep it far enough away from the songs that inspired it or it wont be original.
Some of the lines could be better, but all in all I like this.