Lost and Found

by ally1212

Published July 25, 2011

Chapter One

“Sam catch!”, I yelled as I grabbed a piece of bread from a near by stall and threw it across the market. My best friend, Sam, who was all the way across the market caught the piece of bread, laughed wildly and took off running down the street.

Now it was my turn. I ran down a side street, jumped a wooden fence and stopped when I met up with the road. I could still hear laughter and shouts coming down the road. Sam was close. Finally he came tearing down the road and tossed me the bread.

“Don't get caught!”, he yelled.

“You too!”, I said and watched as his blond head and defiant grin flashed by.

I climbed up the nearby wooden crates and searched for the familiar worn hand holds. They were made by removing chunks of brick from the wall of the falling apart house.

I'd made it to the top of the house by the time the soldiers had caught up with me. The whole plan depended on the soldiers climbing up to get me.

I wasn't worried, Sam and I were the youngest out of the most wanted thieves in the Kingdom.

As I suspected they couldn't climb the same as a 14 year old boy could. They were tripping over each other and smashing crates but the best part was when they almost got to the top of the house and just fell back down. If Sam was here I know he'd be laughing so hard he'd almost cry. I didn't even crack a smile though. I knew they would get up eventually and after that the rest of the plan relied on chance. If there was one thing I hated it was chance, it was playing guessing games and relying on luck. Sadly when a thief most of your life consists of luck, chance, and making guesses. As I was watching the soldiers one started getting close to the top. He appeared to be in his late twenties. He wasn't the youngest soldier there but he was still among the youngest. He had blond hair that swept to the side and a clean shaven face but that's not what made me notice him. The reason he stood out to was his piercing brown eyes that stared at me with such rage and hatred that I started to feel nervous. I didn't understand why he stared at me like that sure most soldiers were angry at us but this hatred seemed personal. The odd thing was I had never seen this man before in my life. I became so lost in my thoughts about this man that I didn't realize when he had made it to the top of the house. It was fine though .because I had spent all my life learning to run faster than soldiers and unlike them I had also spent most of my life walking across roof tops meaning I could also jump across the gaps in between some houses. I looked at the man last time and then I bolted. Now was the time that chance took over the plan. All I could hope for was that Sam had done his job and done it right.

Comments & reviews · 4
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ally1212
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ally1212 commented Comment · Oct 19, 2011

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azntwinz2
Review
azntwinz2 wrote a review Review · Jul 25, 2011

Hullo, going to review this work.

It's nice, and starts off strong, but since grammar errors distract a reader, I'm going to touch on a few first.

Sadly when a thief most of your life consists of luck, chance, and making guesses.
I think you should replace when with being?


It was fine though .because I had spent all my life learning to run faster than soldiers and unlike them I had also spent most of my life walking across roof tops meaning I could also jump across the gaps in between some houses.

This part, the period should probably be a comma.

I think you could have strengthened this a way lot more if you added some more descriptions. You only mentioned that the soldier's and Sam's hair was blonde. Even though everything's not about appearance, sometimes it helps a reader to be able to visualize your characters!

Also, I really like how you sort of add suspense to the novel by including the strange soldier's hatred. I mean, they're just stealing bread, right? :)

For this, I think it was also nice how you put in a contrast between Sam and the MC because Sam is more the risk-taker while the MC hates leaving stuff up to chance.

Overall, well done for a first chapter. It only needs a little tweaking!

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cookEmonster
Review
cookEmonster wrote a review Review · Jul 25, 2011

Ooh. This is pretty different from things I normally read, but I like it! :) I think I'll leave the criticsm up to other readers. Hahah
Well, cant wait to read more!

-CookEmonster



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