Hot air cut through her lungs as Anna ran. She had been running flat out for about twenty minutes, and she knew that she wouldn’t make it back to her camp in time. The sun was directly in front of her, still shining hot rays into her face, making her squint and sweat, but it was steadily setting. It took every last ounce of strength in her body to keep her legs moving, and she could feel herself unwillingly slowing down. Legs heavy with fatigue, Anna decided to walk for a few minutes to have some water and regain some of her strength.
As soon as she stopped running she collapsed, not realizing how tired her muscles really were. Tears began dripping down her face in despair. Anna took a deep breath and drank some of the water from her canteen. The water ran down her throat, making its way into her stomach, cooling her from the inside out. Slowly Anna pushed herself up, legs shaking, and began to walk.
The sun burned a deep, red-orange, and when Anna looked behind her she could see that the sky had already turned dark blue, fading to purples and pinks. At her camp Anna’s clan would be just finishing dinner, watching the moon rise. Anna’s heart sank when she thought of her friends and family. She never should have snuck off. Another part of Anna told her she would make it through this night and seeing that pristine forest and the strange woman had made this struggle worth it. Filled with renewed determination Anna began a steady jog as the sun slowly sank.
Anna’s pace had continued to quicken as she saw the last rays of sunshine peek out from behind the horizon. Several times she had looked behind her and she swore she could see dark figures moving in the growing darkness. Anna had stopped looking behind her now though, focusing all her energy on the little hill in the distance. She could see smoke from her clan’s fires and they filled her with hope, but she knew she would not make it there before darkness fell.
She already had her knife in hand as she sprinted across the dry landscape. Shadows chased her, biting at her heels, threatening to overtake her, and soon enough there was no light left. Only the purple of the escaping dusk remained. Anna slowed her pace and was cautious of stepping softly.
Stars began to dust the sky above her and moonlight slowly took over the fading day. Anna was beginning to think that she wouldn’t find any trouble before reaching her camp when she stumbled into a hole in the ground. Although it was wide at the top it became narrow as it dived into the earth, and Anna’s foot got stuck. Panic struck her as she wrenched her foot out of the hole. If there was one thing to avoid it was any disturbance in the flat ground, it meant that something lived there, and in the dead zones it was never something friendly.
Anna tried to run but pain shot up and down her leg, and she realized she must have twisted her ankle. She cursed out loud as she forced herself into a limping run. Suddenly something took hold of her ankle, making her scream in pain and fall to the ground. Anna struggled to break free as she was dragged backwards across the ground. As she writhed the creature let go. Anna rolled over quickly, holding her knife out in front of her.
Above her a monstrous snake hissed, standing at least four feet high with a tail stretching behind it. The middle was easily as thick as Anna’s torso, and two massive fangs glinted in the moonlight. Anna tossed herself to the side as it struck at the place she had been moments earlier. Quickly she jumped to her feet, ignoring the throbbing of her ankle. The snake circled, looking for a weak point in Anna’s defense. Without warning it struck again, this time Anna managed to stab her knife into its tough skin. The snake recoiled and hissed; forked tongue spitting venom. Knowing that she didn’t have much time, Anna made a daring move. She went right, but parried left slitting the snakes throat.
It fell to the ground, dark liquid forming in puddles around it shining a menacing red in the moonlight. Anna stared at the corpse for a moment before breaking into a sprint. She knew she had under five minutes before the deformed figures of what once were wolves and rats would smell and find the source of the blood. It would not be much longer before they would catch the scent of its blood on Anna and find her as well.
Anna was about fifteen minutes away from camp when she heard the first wolf cry. Tears streaked down her face as her leg was racked with pain. She kept going, knowing that if she got close enough to camp the animals would instinctively stop chasing her and look for easier prey.
Only five minutes later she could hear the panting of their breath and the scraping of their claws behind her. Air pulsed in and out of her lungs as quickly as she could manage, her legs forgetting pain and weakness. Just a bit further and she might be safe, if she could just get a bit further she might live. Anna heard the sharp bark as a wolf pounced at her leg, she felt its razor sharp teeth cut through her flesh, and she felt warm darkness beginning to embrace her as her blood poured over the dirt. As her vision clouded she heard a loud shout behind her. This shout was familiar and safe, and it was accompanied by a tall figure with a warm light. The pain in her leg subsided slightly, but still darkness lured her in. The last thing she saw before letting herself slip into unconsciousness was the sky, jeweled in stars.
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I broke it up a bit, I'm not sure if they could be smaller. Are there other places i should make a new paragraph?
Please break this into smaller paragraphs; then I will crit.