Author's Note:
I have been experimenting with gif poems for a few years now, and thought this would be an interesting poem to try it out with. Made on Canva.com. A little bit inspired by the style of this poem that Liminality shared with me -> https://www.bluehousejournal.com/issue- ... ter-shocks "Dots and After Shocks" by Carolyn Hashimoto.
Please note all capitalization is intentional.
Thank you for reading.
Alliyah!
I'm looking more at format than content, partly because I have a hard time following with the text moving and disappearing - but maybe that's also a limitation of doing any kind of art in this format, which that also says something within itself (I could lean hard into the philosophic with the transient yet annoyingly permanent nature of art on the internet, and how much we miss and read into the in between, but).
Visually, it's appealing with a limited color palette. I do appreciate the effect of slides/gif/a moving element to a usually more static thing, and it's especially effective for emphasis that you can usually only get with either concrete poetry or enjambment. That said, I'm torn on the overall effect, because I can't decide if I'm distracted by the format (I haven't seen much in this kind of format before in terms of poetry standing on its own), or if it's just not quite working as a whole for me. But, I also am a minimalist with poetry usually, so I think that's also coloring my initial impressions, too.
Thanks for an interesting read!
Hey there, Sofie here with a review!
Wow. In just a few short lines you managed to say so much! So much about how love can feel almost inevitable at times. At least in my opinion, using the metaphor of orbiting planets totally encapsulates how it feels to have your life, or your "world" revolve around another person. And the animation/gif adds so much to the storytelling. It almost felt like I was reading a beautifully illustrated children's book (lol). Great,great work!
Cant wait to read more from you -
Sofie
Just popping in to say --
I LOVE THIS!
Especially the way you are sort of compelled to read in a certain tempo and linger on specific words. It's something that you can approximate in text, but you can't always gauge how readers will read it! And I love how the images become a proper part of the poem with their own movements, they aren't just background elements.
<33
This is so powerful and yet so beautiful. <333 You should be very proud of this work. 10/10 I love it!
Hi alliyah!
First of all, this animation really looks cool. It adds something really nice because it uses the imagery of the moon and the sun to complement the poem. Very nice! I also like the simplicity of the animation and the limited color palette. All of this is wonderful.
The one thing Ididn't really like was the actual message of the poem. The idea of orbiting being a sign of love wasn't really explained in a way that seemed very romantic to me. Why does following something around and encircling it count as love? You could use these same words to describe stalking, enmeshment, codependency, or obsession. Why are you extending the metaphor to love and not the others? If you were to replace the word "love" with any of the other words, it would fit. After all, love tends to be mutual, but there is nothing mutual about this poem. There is nothing about the sun's part in this romance, beyond the fact that it moves. But even then, there is no indication that the sun moves for the moon at all! So it's not really a great romantic metaphor, I think.
I feel like our needs something more... you need to bring out the sun's character, as it were, and not just talk about the moon. What does the sun do that makes the moon do happy to orbit it? Otherwise, this romance seems pretty one-sided and toxic, actually...
Anyway, it was a really cool poem overall! I loved the animation. I just didn't like the message very much.
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