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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Author's Note:
I have been experimenting with gif poems for a few years now, and thought this would be an interesting poem to try it out with. Made on Canva.com. A little bit inspired by the style of this poem that Liminality shared with me -> https://www.bluehousejournal.com/issue- ... ter-shocks "Dots and After Shocks" by Carolyn Hashimoto.
Please note all capitalization is intentional.
Thank you for reading.
Hey, alliyah! This is Alex, back with another Sun review.
The format is so unique! I didn't even know one could make poetries into gifs. The unique style definitely deserves some extra points here. The illustrations, though kept simple, keep the reader hooked to the screen as the words glide.
While I certainly like how concise and short the poem is, I think it would've been even more awesome if it had a little more material to go on. The text in itself is very limited to make the poem dazzle, something that the animation is struggling to compensate for.
The title is well thought but could've easily made better.
Let's get into analysing the lines now -
I absolutely love what you've done here. Making a point first and then emphasizing it with the next. It's like painting- the initial fill is great but the finishing strokes and sketching the borders really bring out the greatness of the work. A beautifully executed amplification.
The first line particularly appealed to me due to its poetic aura. Not sure of its literal equivalent as only the moon moves, while the Sun remains stationary. But it could be that you're referring to the gaze of the Sun here, following the path of its lover- the moon. I like how you conveyed the continual nature of this orbiting as it never ceases, just like their timeless love.
Again, a reminder of the immortal nature of their presence and shared bond. It's implied that even after all this time, they don't grow fed up with each other's company and their love is eternal. The still repeated twice with different backgrounds was my favourite but- one had the Sun while the other didn't. I belive it's from the moon's perspective, claiming to love the Sun during their turn and even after it's gone. The possibity of the later case playing out in actuality isn't much, thus I'm leaning towards the opinion that this was meant from a poetic perspective. What's more beautiful than a love that remains despite the other person being gone? So heartwarming.
Overall, this was an engrossing poem, specifically because of the flowing graphics and innovative way of presentation. The lines break from the scientific constraints and sing of the love between the Sun and the moon with a poetic tune. The only real critique I can think of is that there's not more of it, the text makes the reader wanting more of this greatness. The gif keeps playing over and over, representing the timelessness of this poem. This modern piece really helped me open my mind to unconventional formats in general. Great going, alliyah! Hope to read and review more from you soon. This poem was definitely worth giving a read.
Regards
Alex
Alliyah!
I'm looking more at format than content, partly because I have a hard time following with the text moving and disappearing - but maybe that's also a limitation of doing any kind of art in this format, which that also says something within itself (I could lean hard into the philosophic with the transient yet annoyingly permanent nature of art on the internet, and how much we miss and read into the in between, but).
Visually, it's appealing with a limited color palette. I do appreciate the effect of slides/gif/a moving element to a usually more static thing, and it's especially effective for emphasis that you can usually only get with either concrete poetry or enjambment. That said, I'm torn on the overall effect, because I can't decide if I'm distracted by the format (I haven't seen much in this kind of format before in terms of poetry standing on its own), or if it's just not quite working as a whole for me. But, I also am a minimalist with poetry usually, so I think that's also coloring my initial impressions, too.
Thanks for an interesting read!
Hey there, Sofie here with a review!
Wow. In just a few short lines you managed to say so much! So much about how love can feel almost inevitable at times. At least in my opinion, using the metaphor of orbiting planets totally encapsulates how it feels to have your life, or your "world" revolve around another person. And the animation/gif adds so much to the storytelling. It almost felt like I was reading a beautifully illustrated children's book (lol). Great,great work!
Cant wait to read more from you -
Sofie
Just popping in to say --
I LOVE THIS!
Especially the way you are sort of compelled to read in a certain tempo and linger on specific words. It's something that you can approximate in text, but you can't always gauge how readers will read it! And I love how the images become a proper part of the poem with their own movements, they aren't just background elements.
<33
This is so powerful and yet so beautiful. <333 You should be very proud of this work. 10/10 I love it!
Hi alliyah!
First of all, this animation really looks cool. It adds something really nice because it uses the imagery of the moon and the sun to complement the poem. Very nice! I also like the simplicity of the animation and the limited color palette. All of this is wonderful.
The one thing Ididn't really like was the actual message of the poem. The idea of orbiting being a sign of love wasn't really explained in a way that seemed very romantic to me. Why does following something around and encircling it count as love? You could use these same words to describe stalking, enmeshment, codependency, or obsession. Why are you extending the metaphor to love and not the others? If you were to replace the word "love" with any of the other words, it would fit. After all, love tends to be mutual, but there is nothing mutual about this poem. There is nothing about the sun's part in this romance, beyond the fact that it moves. But even then, there is no indication that the sun moves for the moon at all! So it's not really a great romantic metaphor, I think.
I feel like our needs something more... you need to bring out the sun's character, as it were, and not just talk about the moon. What does the sun do that makes the moon do happy to orbit it? Otherwise, this romance seems pretty one-sided and toxic, actually...
Anyway, it was a really cool poem overall! I loved the animation. I just didn't like the message very much.
One more thing... the moon only orbits the sun as its secondary orbit... its primary orbit is with the Earth. It orbits the Earth while the Earth orbits the sun. I'm not sure if you did this intentionally or not, but I figured I would mention it...
absolutely gorgeous as always
<3 <3 <3 thank you friend!
Whoa, I've never seen anything like this. Looks amazing Alli!! <33
Thank you!
Not a review, just felt like this was kinda cute, adorable, in fact! :p
what dis you make dis in