Young Writers Society

I just wanted to say:
This poem hit me hard. As someone who had to move from one corner of America to the other, I felt this poem resonate with me. It's like you gave words to my emotions.

If that was your aim, you did a good job.

If this poem in any way reflects your life right now, you should know that wherever you are, you'll get used to it. It (meaning the feeling of longing and nostalgia) gets easier as time passes. I still have moments when I get a lump in my throat and want to cry for what I can't have, but they are infrequent and far between.

Well, that's all I have. Have a good day or night!

- Mira

Hey alliyah!

This is a beautiful poem... sense of home and sense of place is something that has always been really important to me and a theme I see myself returning to all the time in my own work and my own favourite pieces... this is a really evocative piece. In a time of displacement like we live, I really feel like the theme of longing to return to a place that might no longer be available to you is a global phenomenon. Even though there are a couple of details - like the geese migrating north - that to me seem to ground the poem in North America, it feels like similar songs could be sung of Syria, or Venezuela, or Somalia. Specificity but with global appeal - that's what poetry should aim for

I have a couple of points that I'd like to make:

- I like how each stanza ends with a single question. I figure this structure is important to you. But the run-on nature of the stanzas do make them a little tricky to read, I had to go over them a number of times to fully get their meanings. I mean, I'm a fan of punctuating however the heck you like, but I feel that you're doing yourself a little bit of a disservice with the many many clauses of each sentence here.

- the last line of the second stanza is your weakest by far. Everything else about the poem tells us that they are long miles away. Everything tells us they long for home. This line stating it so starkly is essentially losing your lyricism throughout the rest of the piece. It isn't doing much for you, it's weak and if you ask me it's weakening everything else.

Other than that, I really like it. I like the beginning with "honey" - it sets the pace, like a slow drip, your language is viscous and sticky and sweet. And I love your last line too, potentially my favourite of the whole thing.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

- Stella x

Hey!

Let me start off with...wow. It took me a moment to understand fully, but once I did, everything just hits so close to home. I love the imagery and the implications that everything about you just always returns to your home. And not just where you're currently residing, but your home. It was nice to see.
However, I couldn't understand the point of view in this one. The "Honey" in the beginning implies it's someone close to the main character, however the rest of it is formatted in a narrative or and overseer sort of way. And the four questions they asked, they feel so isolated. There's not much of a conclusion and they're unprompted when put underneath the title. Cruel, almost. Someone clearly distraught lies and claims they don't miss home. This person, who appears to be someone they know, then decides to interrogate them and make them miss home? And with no comfort to top it off and ease the burden.
However, I do appreciated how the stanzas relate to one another. While they don't exactly flow perfectly, they have strings connecting themselves. However, they all seem like stand-alones. With a few punctuation altercations, each stanza sounds like its own thought entirely that has loose connections to the others. And with this formatting and this message, I appreciate that.

From a TinyTurtle,

Toby

Hey alliyah! =^-^= It 'twas high time for me to finally read your latest poem, so allow me to also review it!

It took me a couple read-throughs to finally understand what you were trying to say in this poem, but let me say, I understand now and it's beautiful <3

I think the main reason I had a hard time understanding it was the fact that you are using punctuation, but there were some places where it could have used some more in the line part, not just the end of the stanza. It kind of reminds me of when I first started writing poetry and never knew where to place the punctuation, resulting in a kind of choppy poem. Sorry if you already do/did this, but I've always been told to read it outloud, and to be honest, it really helps!

Anyways, I kinda like how you can read it differently if you read the title, or don't! It's kinda weird, but I forgot the title once I started reading and it made me think differently than when I went back and read the title before the work, it read a little differently. It just shows how important a title is!

I don't have much else to say, so just keep writing amazing poems so I can keep loving them <3
~Cat