Young Writers Society

I haven't written much lately, but here's something. It needs some fleshing out so give me some help. It's based off a little daydream I had while walking back to my dorm. Anyone out there attending MSU might recognize the location : )

The Difference Between Summer and College

Somehow we skipped the last half of autumn and went right into winter. October was cold. The trees were fading and shedding their leaves while the sky stubbornly remained gray. This weather was enough to make anyone shiver, especially the 46,999 other college students walking around Michigan State’s campus. And that’s where I come in.

It’d been a good day so far despite the weather, which, miserable as some may say, I was enjoying. I liked the chill on my cheeks, the way they would be all rosy and cool when I entered my dorm. I needed to get a hat, but for today, I would be okay, enjoying the way the wind whipped my red hair around my face.

I stepped out into the cold after my last class of the day. It was a quick three minute walk back to my dorm, a blink of the eye. But this walk was destined to be longer than that. Because this is where he comes in.

I followed the curve of the white sidewalk through the back-road paths between the brick buildings of Akers and Hubbard. The green grass on each side was dull with the October sky, and a small crab apple tree reached out above me. And there he was, standing as if he’d been waiting forever—his blond hair and strong face, his toned body with the collar of the ever present AE shirt showing beneath his hoodie. And those eyes. Something ignited inside me, flooding my body with heat. I took another step and stopped.

I wanted to ask why he was here, but all I could do was stare and that was my downfall. His eyes pulled me in as he slowly walked closer; those eyes that were just so intense, so gorgeous. He laughed-- sweet ringing laughter. I had always loved it but never told him so. I had never told him how I felt, never had the courage to confess. It had been so obvious that he had liked me; I had always hoped he would be the one to start something, but he never had. And now he was here.

I forced my gaze from him and looked around. Somehow, we were alone. I had walked down this path a hundred times already this semester and it had never been empty. Of course it would be now—just me and a crush I’d never thought I’d see again… What was going on here!?

I stayed where I was and he came to me. There he went again with that walk, confidence just radiating from him. Only when he was five feet away did he hesitate. And I was thinking to myself, what is he doing?

“Hi,” I said, my voice much weaker than I’d intended.

“Hey,” he replied and ran a hand through his hair.

“Uh, what are you doing here?” I asked, strangely conscious of my hair swirling around my face, catching on my lips and eyelashes.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

“Really?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Really,” he took a step closer.

So, at this point, I had no idea what to do. This seemed too much like a movie, too planned out. The next logical step was for the guy and girl to kiss, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted that. What gave him the right to ignore me for the summer and then come kiss me at college? No way.

He looked at the ground, maybe realizing how awkward this was. I was about to suggest we get some lunch when he looked up and locked eyes with me.

“I feel so dumb for never telling you this… for waiting so long. I’m sorry, but…” he said.

And this is where it happened. I wish it never had.

He took another step, popping my personal bubble. I wanted to recoil but I was frozen, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. In the same movement, he had one hand on my cheek and the other on my neck and was pulling my face to his. There was a brief moment when I thought of how much I had wanted this during the summer, and of all the different ways I’d imagined it happening. But now that the moment had come and he was about to kiss me I felt used and disgusted.

His lips brushed mine, and I could feel the tension and anticipation in them as I pulled away. He tried to keep his hands on me, but I put my arms on his shoulders and forced him away.

“What the…?” he questioned. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“No!” I protested, backing away to reestablish my personal space.

“Well yeah, I did four months ago, but not now. You think you can just show up and expect everything to be good between us? As if you didn’t ignore me all summer? How dumb do you think I am?”

“I don’t-- ”

“You must,” I remarked. I could feel anger rising in me.

I started to walk past him.

“Wait, please!”

“Go back home,” I said with as much disdain as I could.

“I live here,” he said quickly.

I had passed him but now I turned around, “what?”

“I live in 545,” he said and motioned above our heads at East Akers dorm.

I could feel the surprise on my face. He lives here? Unbidden, swirls of thoughts involving the two of us, together, rushed into my mind’s eye. This was our chance. Our chance? Where did that come from? I didn’t want him; I was over it.

“I know it’s a little weird, but I saw you walking past yesterday, and well…” he was saying.

But I was glued to the sidewalk, trying to comprehend what his words meant—that he was at MSU, that he saw me yesterday from his window, that maybe he wanted to be with me, that he was still talking to me…

“That’s interesting,” I said.

“I know,” he replied, hands in pockets, edging closer.

Awkward silence… I feigned a smile and took another step away.

“So I’ll be seeing you around,” I said.

I could see the dismissal and rejection on his face and part of me cringed while the other part felt self-satisfaction. He opened his mouth, shut it, and then said his farewell.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me,” he said, no smile on his lips.

“I waited for you for months. I’m done with this game,” I told him. “I’m happy that you’re here, but if you think something’s going to happen just forget it.”

“I missed my chance huh?” he asked.

“Yes, you did.”

He sighed, looked at the sky, and then back at me with those gorgeous eyes.

“Well, I’ll be here,” he said. He started to move to me but stopped.

“Yeah, see ya around,” I said.

“Bye,” he said.

I walked away, careful to walk deliberately. I felt free, like some bond on my heart had been severed. It was over. The summer fling that never happened could be buried and die. Life could go on now without the constant “what if” in the back of my mind.

And the words echoing in my head were good bye. Good bye. Good bye.