Chapter One :
It all started on the evening on Halloween. Adrianne Johansin was love struck. She found herself daydreaming about him all the time. His name is James, best football player at Brenin High School. They were both very popular and she definitely knew she had a chance. When she hosted her annual Halloween party she couldn't stop thinking about how hot he looked in his "nerd" costume. Little did she know James thought she looked absolutely stunning in her cat costume. He asked for her number and they texted 24/7. And tonight well, tonight is the Homecoming dance. Brenin High School is known for two things, their successful, rich students, and their late November homecoming dance.
"I'm absolutely in love with this dress!" She told her self as she looked in the mirror with her beautiful dress. It was perfect in so many ways. The bust had gold sequins all over, then it went into a gorgeous satin fluff of gold. It was worth the 1,200 dollars she paid. Well her parents paid. She went into the salon room of her house where her stylist, Tori, was waiting for her.
" OMG, Hun you look darling! Now come sit I need to curl that head of hair! We've only got and hour and a half before James gets here! "
"Urgh, I'm so excited but nervous!" She replied as she sat in the chair. One reason Adrianne was pretty was because of her long blonde hair. Thick and silky. Tori began by sectioning her hair, combing then she curled. Then again, then again, and so on. As soon as Tori sprayed on what seemed like 50 pounds of hairspray then finished, Adrianne had 30 minutes left for makeup. Next thing you know there was a knock on the door. She went in to panic mode. Adrianne was 99% sure it was him. She looked like crap! Her makeup wasn't even done yet. She opened the door with restraint. She had all these thoughts at once about every possible thing that could go wrong. She was surprised when she opened the door. Very happy though.
"Hellooooo gorgeous!" It was her makeup artist, Nicole, she had a thick New Jersey accent. She moved up here to California in April.
"Ehmagod. NICOLE!! I'm so glad to see you!" which she really was because she had different expectations when she answered the front door.
"Awh sweetie, the feelin' is mutual."
Adrianne grabbed Nicole's arm and pulled her to salon room.
"Do you like the room? We just remodeled last week."
"Its darling." Nicole Replied
That room had everything you could dream of and more. Sparkles, A television and not to mention Pink EVERYTHING! This was a place where cosmetic dreams came true.
" Kay, so honey I got a whole new eye shadow palette from Urban Decay. Natural colors just like you asked."
"Awe, Coley, you didn't !"
"Oh Adri!"
Nicole immediately started on her makeup. She got M.A.C foundation out and applied. Then all the other essentials like, eyeshadow, bronzer, eyeliner, okay you get the point. Once she was finished Nicole grabbed out her hot pink bedazzled mirror (a welcome present from Adrianne's family) then handed it to Adrianne. She looked beautiful. Like one of the girls on the cover of Seventeen. Her hazel eyes looked absolutely gorgeous. And in five minutes the night would begin - and end just the way it should. She knocked on her parents' door.
"come in" a voice said
She opened the door with her French manicured nails. Another one of many perfections she had.
"Do I look okay?"
"Oh my." Said her Mom Sarah " Brendan come look at her! "
Her dad came in. You could tell he was sad but proud that his only daughter was growing up. Him and Sarah were expecting a daughter any day now. The doorbell rang. Sarah grabbed the camera and came downstairs along with Brendan and Adrianne. Her dad answered the door to their magnificent home.
End of chapter one.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter I wish that you knew.Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,547 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
While reading this chapter i experienced something so weird. I usually don't like reading this kind of material but for some reason this was very enjoyable to read. I love the way you capture the bubbly and youthfulness of the character. It kind of felt like i was reading a 90's teen love story and those movies are very enjoyable to watch. This makes me want to know whats going to happen next. Aside from some of the grammar and formatting errors, this is a very good piece. I hope you that you continue with writing the story and i hope you post it here on the website for us to read.
First thing first. I liked the description of this chapter. Very interesting and eye catching. Although, I did see a few mistakes that you could fix up. There were errors that Anshira had mentioned and some grammatical mistakes like capital letters and stuff like that. For example, "come in" a voice said. Capitalize the C, but otherwise these are just easy things that you can fix. Overall, great story. I like it how you incorporated it to reality. It makes it easier for some people to relate to it. Oh, and I am anxiously awaiting for the next chapter. Keep your pencils sharp!
~LadyArtemis
Thanks !
Hello. I really lked your story and am well sort of looking forward to chapter two. The 'darling' descriptive words you used were quite in place. A few errors:
" Well her parents paid" This sentence would look much better if you join it to the previous one with a dash instead of a full stop.
"Tori began by sectioning her hair, combing then she curled." The second part of this sentence does not appear grammaticly correct atleast to me. Try thinking it over and rearranging it.
"As soon as Tori sprayed on what seemed like 50 pounds of hairspray then finished, Adrianne had 30 minutes left for makeup." In my opinion if this sentence is written like this it is going to sound better: "As soon as Tori finished spraying on what seemed like 50 pounds of hairspray, Adrianne had only 30 minutes left for makeup."
Okay, A couple of other mistakes arethere but I do not have enough time- pardon me. Anyway, I love your work and am looking forward to your future writing.
- Anshira
Thanks.
This is so jolly! Lol, I liked it!
This is quite different from what I see (That's good!). It's usually a normal girl falling for a popular guy or vice versa. Nice change there! From what I can see, struggling to get the guy is not the problem! I like how your descriptive, but some parts can be left out. If you wanted it that way, it's totally fine! I also like how you instantly gave each character a personality! I enjoyed reading this! Keep writing girl!
I was surprised at how fast Adrianne and James got together! Now, I don't know if you wanted to stress how much "tension" or "flustering" parts you wanted, but if you wanted to, you should've wrote a separate chapter about that. Other than that, I enjoyed the beginning! I've noticed you have a bit of spelling errors, but I understand what your writing.
Thank you! I'll let you know when I write the next piece!
Anytime! ^^
REVIEWERS! VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
<3
THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST CHAPTER! LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS! Thanks soo much.