This was a really inspring piece. It's very thoughtful. It's true, that kids growing up today are more encouraged to sit down in front of the TV then to play outside or even with their toys. A very good poem. Your technique and layout are interesting, unique to your style.
Some bits and pieces that I would recommend:
-"Though it never grew any apples" should be chopped. Confusing, unneccesary, and against your format.
-Every other "I am from" should be chopped as well, so that it flows a little bit better. Plus, it adds less mush.
-"Vcr" shoud become "VCR" because it is an acronym.
-"Super Nintendo's" is actually "Super Nintendos" because you are talking about a plural Nintendo game, not saying "Super Nintendo is".
You really have great ideas, great technique.
Good work! Keep writing!
-KK
Points: 1090
Reviews: 56
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