The River Song

The River Song

By A. T

There she stood frozen upon the cliff, her heart steadily beating. She gazed out at the beautiful scene that lay before her, not seeing the beauty but only the dark that lives below. The world seemed still, quiet, except for the sounds of nature. The wind swirled about her, her thick, brown hair flowing free in the wind. The water was strangely peaceful and serene. It seemed to be a reflection of her eyes but failed in comparison to the all knowing pools of blue green that lurked within her. She heard the sound of feet rustling through the brush. She looked down and glanced over to the far left of the river and saw a deer and her fawn drinking some of the river water. Something startled the deer and they leaped away. The leap triggered a memory.

An image of herself frantically rushing through the woods just hours earlier flashed before her. The twigs, leaves and other brush crunching underneath her feet, some had cut into the soles of her bare feet. She had pushed branches and spider webs out of her way and had, at one point, tripped over a fallen tree branch she had failed to see. She landed face first with a hard thud. The fall had knocked the breath out of her. With her fall came the fall of her facade. Her seemingly calm exterior had broken and for the first time in years she was now as real as her surroundings. The tears had streaked down her dirt covered face. A sound of deep anguish and hurt erupted from the forest; a sound no animal could emit. It echoed through the branches, a plea to heaven. Leaves and weeds had taken home in her hair. Her hands and feet were profusely bleeding. She felt no pain greater than the great dark hole inside of her. A great eternal sadness that she could no longer bear. She was up now, running so fast she felt as if she was flying. Running from no person, no being but herself. Numb to the pain and feeling as if with each stride she pushed her memories to the back of her mind leaving them trailing behind her.

Her thoughts slowly drifted back to her present moment at the rock. The world was still, filled with an eerie silence. Her eyes changed from blue to grey to green. Her heart was dead. The art of compassion a thing of the past. She was here now, among no human beings but herself. In her final moments, she searched her heart for memories that were dear to her, she had a surge of childhood memories, the good and the bad. Every night before she would go to sleep her mother would serenade her with an old lullaby, "There's a lonely little robin in a tree by my door. And he waits for his mate to return evermore. So remember, please remember that I'm lonely too. Like the lonely little robin I'm waiting for you...". She sat down on the rock and began to rock back and forth crying as she sang this song. She could feel her mother now. The thought of her seeping over her and filling her with a long forgotten warmth. She yearned to be warm. Her mother's song sang throughout her heart. 'I wish I would have realized then what I know now,' she thought. Somewhere along her journey to discover herself as an adult, she had lost herself as a child, if not herself period. She had adopted the false ideology that in order to be an adult, one must grow up. She took her mother for granted. And now, she would no longer be there. Growing up her mother had always managed to be with her, the good times and the bad and how did she repay her mother for that? She didn't. Years passed without so much as a visit and a few sporadic insincere Christmas cards. "I didn't even say goodbye..." the girl said solemnly aloud in a soft whisper.

Time rewound itself and she remembered this morning: the fatal phone call, her heart stopping, falling into a deep trance of nostalgia and finally realizing the inevitable. Without a second thought she left her house. As she was walking down the street she passed a mother tenderly rushing her child off to school. The child was about to walk away before the mom shouted, " I love you!". The child turned around bashfully seeing her peers and responded with a wave instead of a reply. 'If only that child knew', the girl thought and she continued her trek down the street. She passed a man in the bakery humming happily to his little creation and a group of children nonchalantly playing ball. She wished she could share their same genuine carefree world. The loss of her mother caused her to question everything in her life. She realized how far down she had become and how much she had lost her identity; not only that but she had no clue who she even was anymore. Never had she felt so alone in this world. She was nothing. She closed her eyes. She was losing her focus. She left her bastion of thoughts. She listened to the wind, the water and the birds. They all echoed about her singing their tales.

She inhaled a breath of the crisp air. Paused. Exhaled slowly. Feeling her heart and emotions surge throughout her body. Without a further look at the life around her, she dove into the water, making a small, minute splash much like her entrance into the world. She sank deeper and deeper into the water. She gasped for death. The water slowly closed over her, capturing her into it's world. Releasing the mortal binds that had restricted her. She now sang her tale. Above, the water current had begun to return to it's normal pace. It's hunger satisfied. She left no mark, no memory behind her. No one on the Earth would notice she's gone. The mother will continue to walk her child to school everyday, the man in the bakery will still continue to serenade his dough each morning and the children will laugh and play like all is right with the world, because for them, it is.