In my school, we have a creative writing club similar to this website. We had to write anything with the Gothic theme incorporated in it also it had to be written in 5 minutes!
Here's what I wrote:
The abomination crept slower and slower towards Max. Its head if it can be believed had flowing, mangled hair slithering by its own accord. Its eyes were two black voids filled with desolate souls and weeping sadness. The arms a train funnel's black and tough as steel which could break titanium wheels rolling towards the soulless location. Its teeth as sharp as serrated blades which could rip through human flesh as if ti was a congealed cheeses seething in a sweltering heat.
As it approached Max, Max was unable to move shocked and frozen at the same time. His feet were desperate to go, to flee, to run to the ends of the earth! Yet his feet remained intact growing roots within the ground and staring at his fate.
Please let me know what you think! 
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh well for something this tiny and so far removed from proper context this one is a really powerful little pair of paragraphs here. You've managed to deliver us quite the shock here even through just the five minutes of writing. This is a really powerful little visual that you've managed to create here.
The description of this thing, being just specific enough that we know to expect horror and a danger that our protagonist Max here doesn't seem to be able to handle, a fact even he seems to know judging from his reaction, creates just enough intrigue without you describing this too much the point where it ends up losing its mystery.
The somewhat vague setting placing this in just this dark seeming alley in the middle of nowhere is also a lovely choice and you just manage to pretty much successfully have our skin crawling in a tiny space of time. The idea of something to come there is also a wonderful choice there because now I also find myself really wanting to see more from this piece here because it seems to have so so much potential.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hehe, this seems right up my alley! There is only one part, though, that I saw that bothered me.
Maybe something like:
As it approached Max, he was unable to move. Shock froze him where he stood.
---
Or something like that; I'm not very good at critiques, no, not at all.
If you decide to continue this, please, message me!
Hi Aldopictions!
Kara here to review your work! ^_______________________^
Maybe it's just me, but if the thing crawls slower and slower it would eventually stop, so it would be somewhat impossible. Try slowly crept towards Max instead?
I agree Pudin on the if it can be believed part. However, I don't think the phrase "if it can be believed" fits there.
Good job on the mangled hair part. It kind of freaks me out. Reminds me of the girl from the grudge. (I couldn't take a bath without glancing over my shoulder every five minutes for about a month after I watched the Grudge. *shudder*)
...I don't understand this sentence.
Its teeth were as sharp as...
...rip through human flesh as if it was congealed cheese in the sweltering heat.
Cut out unnecessary words. They weaken prose.
Take out "As it approached Max". We already know it is, so it's just slowing the sentence down.
And if possible, reword the sentence to avoid the "was". It's passive, and therefore it's not as powerful as something in active voice.
The roots part is a little off-putting.
OVERALL:
The good:
I did get freaked out by the thing you described. And that's your goal, right?
The bad:
You've got a tendency to overwrite. Try to cut a few words here and there. Your prose will be strengthened by a mile if you do so.
Kudos,
Kara
HI!!
Review here. I liked it, it was very interesting. You presented the story very well, and I loved it.
There were some grammatical errors though.
Nitpicks
This needs comma. Example:Its head, if it can be believed, had flowing,
I noticed you used which too much. I think a comma could be needed between arms and a.
Example. The arms a train funnel's, black and tough as steel which could break titanium wheels, rolling towards the soulless location.
And I also think that the sentence must be completed because it quite doesn't make sense if it ended in soulless location.
Again , commas, but I understand, it was five minutes writing. So I think a comma could work between teeth and as. And change which to that.
NOW, Cheese? This doesn't sound good g for the theme of your story and the whole background and feeling. What does cheese have to do?
Overall.
I liked it, it's interesting. you should write a story about this, meaning with this beginning.
XOXO
PUdin