if i was ever to hear the drowning sound
of the life support that only failed
upon my entrence, now bleeding down
from my head under my nails
and if i were to see you lying there
with a knife thrust in anger
portruding from your wedding gown
i'd fade, like the life support
and in regret drown.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
good poem
it makes me a bit sad!
Though it was rather... high strung with emotions, the way it was short and the way it flowed captured me. Some lines I didn't like, but... over all, it was good.
Though, like in your last one, you had a lack of proper punctuation and capitalization (these things are important!! Don't ignore them!!!)
I changed some stuff, though still commas could be put in some other parts.
The section I underlined: I don't get it. It's visual, but I can't even understand what you are trying to explain.
I think if you changed that line, and maybe read over it once or twice to think of something you could fix this would be really, really good. Also: Don't forget to spell check! I did it for you, as noted about.
Good job! I really did like it, in the end.