The forest is quite confusing at times. I can feel the rhythm of every beat in my sensitive wrist. I wander towards the end of the forest, anticipating what would it be like to venture to the outskirts of the village. Everyone seems dismayed about journeying in the direction of the eerie backwoods. After all, there rests an uncanny grotto that used to be some place that forges up a connection between two worlds. Anybody in the village knows that, but the thought of embarking on foot to that place terrifies them and I don't know the reason.
I consider lighting my torch, providing a considerable amount of light, creating a dusky shadow ahead of me. Deliberately advancing myself to that cavern, I find myself standing next to a duck pond. It looks like it drizzles here frequently. The droplets of water are enthralling to my senses, satisfying my consciousness, realizing there will not be any jeopardy.
The forest is quite packed with an immense amount of vegetation. The gloomy moon appears to be following every step I take, giving itself an icy-stare against me. It is chilly. The good thing is I am wearing a tunic that was made for me. It was a gift from someone special. It is made of an animal fur. I am guessing wolf fur. I feel grateful because I usually wear this coat, wrapping my inner clothes when the weather is precisely cold.
It is getting quiet as I make my distance from the village to where I am heading to. The noise that the crickets create, they eventually disappear. The wind ceases as the water dripping halts. I start to slouch, unexpectedly catching a glimpse of my torn leather shoes. As I turn my head straight-up, a rocky threshold emerges to my sight.
- to be continued
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138,218 Literary Works • 672,084 Reviews
Imagery! I love it all. You did so well in that aspect that I actually felt like I was in the scene. It was calming and soothing. I love how you used the connection with your character's body, such as her wrists and the droplets of water are enthralling to his senses. It shows him that there is safety in where he is. I loved that. You used so much descriptions that I was in awe of the style of writing you create. From what I can see there aren't any major grammatical errors. Keep it up! It was all soooooo good! Keep writing, my friend!
This seems to be a writing based purely on imagery, which is fine by me, because I actually like those pieces. The thing you want to accomplish with imagery pieces, though, is to take the reader into the scene by hitting all of their relative senses. I think you start to do that in this piece, but there are a lot of minor steps you can take forward to make it even stronger writing.
Really good opening, I'd say -- it's a simple sentence, but one that adds a lot of questions in the reader's mind and really hooks them into the story. An adjective in front of "forest" could be used to give us a quick glimpse of what the forest is like -- is it dark? Is it cold? Is it long-winded? But overall, you do a good job of taking us into the world.
With the second sentence, you really make it feel like the reader is one with the character. Again, nice work.
This is a weird sentence, because the main character considers lighting his/her torch, but then describes if it's actually lit
Nice imagery!!
This just goes against the "show don't tell" rule I'm sure you've heard a thousand times. Instead of saying it's chilly, describe how chilly it is in a more interesting and vivid way.
Now I'm left curious of several things: Why the main character wants to head to the forest, what's in the forest, and just what happened at the end. A lot of questions that you introduced, which is good. Overall I like this. Keep doing what you're doing and thanks for sharing.