Chapter 1

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this is quite the world you've brought us into here. Humanity having fallen leading to description and an interesting new world with an interesting new hierarchy having risen only it looks like there's still plenty of bad things left lying about, maybe even worse now.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

My hands shake, making it hard to Read. I miss her so much. I miss her lessons and her little jokes. I don’t miss her nagging. I was going to have to go to School. She was just trying to make it easier for me. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to the Test, that lets you into School. Would I even remember how to Read and write? I have to.

I have written this, knowing you will be the only one to Read it (we both know your brother or mother won’t suddenly Read it.) You have been my star pupil and well, my only pupil. I want you to think that going to the School is a good thing. You have so much potential and well, the government would kill me if they thought I wasted my time.

Well this is quite the message to be writing to someone here. Looks like we've got some strong backstory on the back of that and its really set up to be quite something from the looks of it. We'll see what's going to come of this in the end.

Please, as my dying wish take my money, every last coin. I have no other heir, I never required one till now. Think of School as your way to pay me back. (I know you too well, now you have no excuse to refuse my money.)

Well this looks like a soft moment of a master passing on the reins to this young student that she likes the most here and is trying to make sure that she's who appears to be not so well off will be able to afford going to school.

I look at the scribbled signurter. It almost looks rushed. I wonder when she wrote this. There is no date, but it seems recent, based on the way she talks about me and my family, and how she knows I haven’t decided to go to School yet. I'm happy someone will talk about my family like the mess we are. It also makes me sad. I had been hoping for some tips at School, or some comforting words. I’m always surprised when I think that the Gods went out of their way to bless me to Read and direct a scout to our little town. Almost everyone knows about the nuclear test, whether you can Read it or not. Our ancestors made the whole planet a toxic waste zone, with their need for nuclear weapons, gas for cars, and fossil fuels. The death that followed for years, and the desies. Only a few people made it out. Only a few have descendants on this already over-populated planet.

Well looks like we're in a bit of a post apocalyptic world here and people are trying to just scrape by in a society trying desperately to recover here. Quite excited to see where this will take us from that pointt

Normally, people like me, Read’s, become scouts or professors. Sometimes they become really rich and don’t need to work. Technically, the King and Queen are supposed to choose a cadet to become the next heir, but no one has been chosen in 50 years. I don’t think anyone will be chosen soon.

I didn’t want any of those. I don't want to travel or teach. I don’t want to just sit, and I definitely couldn’t rule Bliahath. Instead, I wanted to be a gardener. It always relaxed me, when I was little and my parents would fight, when Kassandra came, when Landon asked me out. When there was a chance the Disease was back and we had to quarantine for months, no contact outside of our families.

Well looks like we've got some very interesting roles in this society and quite an interesting system to implement said roles too. Really looks like things have changed quite massively since everything that took place in the past.

I wonder, in another life, would I be a gardener? If there wasn’t the disease, or if I couldn’t Read. Or would I be a house lady, like so many others? I shiver at the thought and hide the letter in a book under my bed. I would almost be grateful that I could Read if I didn’t know about the strings attached.

I’m thinking about my day, and walking home. Today, the girls in our town's little makeshift “school” were working on cooking stake, a rare delicacy. Landon had come behind me and hugged my waist. Unlike other times, he didn’t bother hiding his wince when he had my food. There is no surprise, just because I can Read and garden does not mean I can cook and sew. I had leaned into him, the smell of soil radiating off of his stained shirt. Today marked four years together. He had asked me out when I was 11, and he was 12, and against all odds, we were still together.

Well looks like quite the event this is turning out to be in this moment. We'll see how this is going to pan out. There seems to be an interesting note to it at all as we're developing down this path here.

Like always, I turn into an ally, a shortcut home, but this time there are two men, where there are normally barreles. Before I can back away, they notice me, and one, a big burly man with a buzz cut, grabs my shoulder stopping me short. The other guy has long dreadlocks, but otherwise, they are practically the same. Twins. It's a rare thing.

“Hello there honey,” the brother with dreadlocks says, sizing me up. “You alone.”

Well that doesn't look good at all there. Meeting two men in an alley who are speaking with a voice like that's not a great thing under any circumstance at all, but in a world like this while also being quite so young, its definitely the worst.

I fight the urge to scream and focus on trying to break free of the man's hold. It almost works, it's not my first time dealing with crooks, but he’s strong, and doesn't let go against my withering body.

“No,” I lie then punch the guy in front of me in the nose. He screams but manages not to let go of me still, he must have been trained in the army at one point. Most normal villagers don’t have time to learn to fight. When he recovers, he punches my back in the gut. I collapse but scramble back. He throws another punch, and I try to dodge, but he meets my shoulder and I know there will be a nasty bruise later if there's a later.

Looks like this isn't even something completely new which is honestly not a great sign given that it means that this sort of them tends to happen rather regularly in this world to the point she can tell by their response what kind of fighter they might be.

“Give us your money, and will let you walk away,” Dreadlocks says. I know it's not an empty threat. These guys would kill. They would kill for money, like so many others.

“Ok,” I say, forcing my hand to shake while I shove it into my pockets. I start to pull out the only thing in my pocket, but they see it before I can do anything.

“Knife,” Buzz-cut says. He grabs my head and slams it down onto the bricks. I feel the blood on my hands before I feel pain. I watch them run, then try to stand up. I’m not surprised when my knees buckle one step in, and I feel the wind in my hair before I pass out and hit my head again.

Welp that's a rather harsh environment to have to live in. At least it looks like they did leave her alone in the end even if it means she was very badly injured as a result and ends up barely able to walk straight by the end of the whole confrontation there.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall looks like we're in quite the dangerous world here, with things really starting to ramp up on the spiciness. Definitely a word that's suffering and looks like its gone just a little bit lawless.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hey there ainsliehaas! Rebel here for a short review!

This was an interesting read, because - as the other reviewer mentioned - it condensed at least a century of worldbuilding and lore into a thousand words. To list a few of them in a sentence: A post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland where most people are illiterate, overabundant with people, diseases and poverty and a monarchy rules over them, with the literates or Read's being the ones running the world. Well, that can be a bit overwhelming to anyone, but yes, that was a hell of a start.

Now, to start talking about the characters themselves - we have got Alyx, Kassandra, her boyfriend Landon and the two goons.

Good introduction for Alyx - we don't know much about her, but I think it can be deduced that she just wants to be a normal person rather than being a Read. She is good at reading and gardening, but not a great cook. Also, she has decent presence of mind and didn't hesitate to bring out the knife when she was attacked. I would like to see her character development.

Now, we don't know much about Kassandra except that she wrote the following letter:

ainsliehaas wrote:I have written this, knowing you will be the only one to Read it (we both know your brother or mother won’t suddenly Read it.) You have been my star pupil and well, my only pupil. I want you to think that going to the School is a good thing. You have so much potential and well, the government would kill me if they thought I wasted my time.

Please, as my dying wish take my money, every last coin. I have no other heir, I never required one till now. Think of School as your way to pay me back. (I know you too well, now you have no excuse to refuse my money.)

Alyx, thank you

Kassandra

I look at the scribbled signurter. It almost looks rushed. I wonder when she wrote this.

So, Kassandra was Alyx's teacher and she loved her pupil, and made Alyx her heir. I am a bit confused by "the government would kill me if they though I wasted my time" followed by "Please, as my dying wish..." - why would anyone care about the government killing them if they are already dying? Is the government executing her for some reason? Is she ill? I guess we will find it out in the next chapters, so, a nice plot point there!

Also, one little inconsistency - Alyx spells "disease" correctly most of the times except here:

ainsliehaas wrote:Our ancestors made the whole planet a toxic waste zone, with their need for nuclear weapons, gas for cars, and fossil fuels. The death that followed for years, and the desies. Only a few people made it out. Only a few have descendants on this already over-populated planet.

I am a bit perplexed about why she spelled disease differently, was it a typo from your end?

Also, at the end:

ainsliehaas wrote:“Knife,” Buzz-cut says. He grabs my head and slams it down onto the bricks. I feel the blood on my hands before I feel pain. I watch them run, then try to stand up. I’m not surprised when my knees buckle one step in, and I feel the wind in my hair before I pass out and hit my head again.

Why did the two thugs run away without taking Alyx's belongings? It felt a bit strange to me. Did they see someone coming? I guess we will find that out in the next chapter.

Anyway, it was an interesting read! Keep writing! :p

P.S.: This review is brought to you by Team Tortoise.

Hey there ainslee, welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying the site so far. I'm popping by for a quick review today so let's get into it.

My hands shake, making it hard to Read. I miss her so much. I miss her lessons and her little jokes. I don’t miss her nagging. I was going to have to go to School. She was just trying to make it easier for me. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to the Test, that lets you into School. Would I even remember how to Read and write? I have to.

A note on capitalisation here. You only need to capitalise the first letter of a word when it's at the beginning of a sentence or if it's the name of something/someone. You can sometimes do it for dramatic effect too, but I don't think that apples here. This would mean the paragraph should look like this

My hands shake, making it hard to read. I miss her so much. I miss her lessons and her little jokes. I don’t miss her nagging. I was going to have to go to school. She was just trying to make it easier for me. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to the test that lets you into school. Will I even remember how to read and write? I have to.

I've also removed a comma after 'test' and changed the 'would' to 'will' just for completeness. I'll focus more on plot and characters for the rest of the chapter, just wanted to highlight some more specific areas to focus on first. I understand that 'Reads' are a type of character in this story, but if capitalising that I think you need to clearly avoid capitalising other things to make it obvious it's an intentional choice.

There's a lot of information in this first chapter and whilst I really like the premise, I'm finding reading all of it this early on a bit overwhelming. Perhaps you could think about how to drip feed some of this worldbuilding to readers so it's easier to ingest?

The conflict at the end of the chapter comes at a good time. It makes for a cliffhanger and adds some tension so we want to read on. I like the way you show Alyx's emotion through their actions, shaking hands etc. It's a really great way of adding some depth.

Feel free to tag me if you post chapter two! I hope this was helpful.

Icy