z

Young Writers Society



so, it's true

by ahhhsmusch


So, it’s true? says Jade.

Yea, dad, it’s true, says Jay.

And you just figured it out this last year?

It took a while.

Wow. Things sure do change.

Jade has just picked up Jay from the airport in his blue Ford pick-up truck. It’s summer, June 28th, and it’s one in the afternoon. Jay flies up to Alaska every summer to visit his father and the hunting lodge he owns.

How’s your mom?

She’s good. She’s been real busy lately.

Busy? Busy with what?

Work. She’s got a big case coming up. She’s been doing lots of discovery work.

Who hasn’t? says Jade and he laughs.

So, you still want to go hunting, right?

Yeah, of course I do, Jay says. Of course I do, he thinks. Why wouldn’t I? He thinks.

Jade pulls off the highway to the bar and grill that he takes Jay every summer. He takes him after picking him up from the airport and he takes him on the ride back to the airport.

You hungry? Jade says.

Starving, says Jay.

They enter the restaurant. It’s dark and has pool tables and the bar is lined up with enough alcohol to last the apocalypse. The same smell of cigarette smoke lingers just as he remembers and Jay wonders if the locals have only smoked one type of cigarette for all of their lives.

Smells the same, doesn’t it? Jade says. Every year, always the same damn smell. Jade slaps his son on the back. Always the same smell.

Always the same smell, says Jay.

They take a seat and a waitress with a nametag that reads “Brandy” greets them.

How you two doin’ today? She says.

Good, you? says Jade.

Good. What can I get you?

Coffee, Jay you want some coffee?

Yeah, I’ll have some coffee.

Jay, what do you want to eat? You want the same?

Yeah. I’ll have the double cheeseburger.

Brandy, says Jade, we’ll have two double cheeseburgers.

Alright, we’ll have em’ out for you soon as possible.

Thanks, Brandy.

Brandy walks to the kitchen and Jade’s eyes follow. Jay watches his father watch the woman, and then Jade turns back and sees Jay watching him.

What?

Nothing.

I can’t look at women or something?

No, you can do whatever you want.

Jade sits back in his chair. Jay, you alright? I’m picking up something weird coming from you.

It’s nothing, dad.

You think I’m disappointed or something? Something like that?

Aren’t you?

The father exhales deeply. I’m not disappointed. I’m just surprised. Does it sound like I’m disappointed?

I don’t know. It just feels different.

Well, I guess that’s true. It does feel different, says Jade. But different isn’t a bad thing. Do you think your mom’s disappointed?

Brandy arrives with their coffee.

Order will be right out.

Thanks, Brandy, says Jade.

So, is your mom disappointed?

I don’t know. She just seems off. There’s something different about her.

I guess it is a change, says Jade. Well, a change compared to what she expected.

Yeah. I guess it is. Jay sits and doesn’t say anything. He remembers when he first told her, and her look of puzzlement as if he were pulling a t.v. remote from the ground instead of a carrot.

You know how she would get all worked up about those school dances and everything, says Jay. The flowers and matching my tuxedo with the dresses and the pictures.

No, I don’t.

Well, says Jay. He pauses and tries to remember if he ever told Jade about the dances, but nothing

comes to mind.

She did. Mom would get all worked up and she would help me pick out my tux and everything. She’d help me get the flowers and write the notes and show me how to dance. All of that stuff. I think she misses that.

Well, says Jade. Well, fuck her.

Jay laughs. Jade laughs.


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38 Reviews


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Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:53 am
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starrgazer wrote a review...



Contrary to what other people said, After a paragraph, I kind of got the flow of it and the lack of " was just fine for me. Cool font by the way.

I think it's the story itself that's a tad confusing, but maybe its suppose to be like that. It seemed like in the beginning they went for hunting and whatnot and then at the end, it mentions something about a dance. Maybe just mention the dance somewhere in the beginning too so it won't catch us so off guard.

This was a nice story though, intriguing beginning and a neatly wrapped up ending. Keep writing! :)




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Sun Mar 18, 2012 12:53 am
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InTheTrees wrote a review...



(((All off my comments start and end like this)))


So, it’s true? says Jade.


Yea, dad, it’s true, says Jay.


And you just figured it out this last year?


It took a while.


Wow. Things sure do change. (((We never find out what is true. This beginning draws you in, but it isn't fulfilling)))


Jade just picked up Jay from the airport in his blue Ford pick-up truck . It’s summer, June 28th, and it’s one in the afternoon. Jay flies up to Alaska every summer to visit his father and the hunting lodge he owns.


How’s your mom?


She’s good. She’s been real busy lately.


Busy? Busy with what?


Work. She’s got a big case coming up. She’s been doing lots of discovery work.


Who hasn’t? says Jade and he laughs.


So, you still want to go hunting, right?


Yeah, of course I do, Jay says. Of course I do, he thinks. Why wouldn’t I? He thinks.
(((The similiarity of their names at this point is throwing me off a bit.)))


Jade pulls off the highway to the bar and grill that he takes Jay every summer. He takes him after picking him up from the airport and he takes him on the ride back to the airport.


You hungry? Jade says.


Starving, says Jay.


They enter the restaurant. It’s dark and has pool tables and the bar is lined up with enough alcohol to last the apocalypse. The same smell of cigarette smoke lingers and Jay wonders if the locals have ever smoked another type of
cigarette.(((I like the description.)))


Smells the same, doesn’t it? Jade says like he does everytime. Every year, always the same damn smell. Jade slaps his son on the back. Always the same smell. (((The last sentence can be ommited. It feels powerful at first but when Jay repeats it in the next line it just feels overused.)))


Always the same smell, says Jay.


They take a seat and a waitress with a nametag that reads Brandy greets them.


How you two doin’ today? She says.


Good, you? says Jade.


Good. What can I get you?


Coffee, Jay you want some coffee?


Yeah, I’ll have some coffee.


Jay, what do you want to eat? You want the same? (((Same as what? Feels a little wierd, maybe put "the usual" instead?)))


Yeah. I’ll have the double cheeseburger.


Brandy, says Jade, we’ll have two double cheeseburgers.


Alright, we’ll have em’ out for you soon as possible.


Thanks, Brandy.


Brandy walks to the kitchen and Jade’s eyes follow. Jay watches his father watch the woman, and then Jade turns back and sees Jay watching him.


What?


Nothing.


I can’t look at women or something?


No, you can do whatever you want.


Jade sits back in his chair. Jay, you alright? I’m picking
up something weird coming from you.


It’s nothing, dad.


You think I’m disappointed or something? Something like that?


Aren’t you?


The father exhales deeply. I’m not disappointed. I’m just surprised. Does it sound like I’m disappointed?


I don’t know. It just feels different.


Well, I guess that’s true. It does feel different, says Jade. But different isn’t a bad thing. Do you think your mom’s disappointed?


Brandy arrives with their coffee.


Order will be right out.


Thanks, Brandy, says Jade.


So, is your mom disappointed?


I don’t know. She just seems off. There’s something different about her.


I guess it is a change, says Jade. Well, a change compared to what she expected.


Yeah. I guess it is. Jay sits and doesn’t say anything. He remembers when he first told her, and her look of puzzlement as if he were pulling a t.v. remote from the ground instead of a carrot.
(((So, I'm thinking Jay is gay? It's implied, but I'm not sure)))

You know how she would get all worked up about those school dances and everything, says Jay. The flowers and matching my tuxedo with the dresses and the pictures.


No, I don’t.


Well, says Jay. He pauses and tries to remember if he ever told Jade about the dances, but nothing comes to mind.


She did. Mom would get all worked up and she would help me pick out my tux and everything. She’d help me get the flowers and write the notes and show me how to dance. All of that stuff. I think she misses that.


Well, says Jade. Well, fuck her.


Jay laughs. Jade laughs.

(((I actually really like this ending. And as for the lack of quotation marks, I think you make it work. Nice read.)))




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Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:48 am
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ChocoCookie wrote a review...



Hey, there! :)

Woah. So, yeah. I can't really read this stuff. You really need to put in paragraphs and ' " ' s while writing conversations. How are we supposed to understand, then?

So, I can't really judge this. Its so confusing. So, either edit or... Its totally up to you if you want people to read this. But I don't think, anyone will do because its just too confusing! O.O

Sorry for being mean. I'm just being honest. x)

Cookie. 8D




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He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche