z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

flying out of a cannon is the best feeling

by aharris04


Prompt

Imagine you are a circus performer that is about from a cannon.Describe the scene up to the fuse being lit and how you are feeling.

Response

Every time, before every performance, it is the same gut wrenching feeling. Scared that something will go wrong, although I know it won’t. I see the signal that it is time to get into the cannon. I am bouncing nervously on my feet as I walk over. A few people pick me up and put me in the cannon after I curl up into a ball, like I have been taught. I hear the match getting lit and my stomach drops. “Why do I do this?” I ask myself silently like I do before every time. The next thing I know I am flying through the air. I straighten out, extending my arms and legs so I am a straight line. “This is why” I remind myself. Those precious, few seconds I am flying through the air, nothing seems to matter. All my problems disappear. It is the best feeling in the world. It makes all the nerves worth it. I am snapped out of my happiness as I land on the mat curling back into a ball and rolling. I roll to my feet and the audience applaudes. I smile, glad to know there is another performance in a few hours, when I will get to do this again. I look forward to those few seconds of absolute bliss. 

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231 Reviews

Points: 3770
Reviews: 231

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Fri Jun 17, 2016 8:17 pm
dogsrule5 wrote a review...



Hey, Dogs here to review!

I think your piece was amazing. It was filled with emotion and I like that. Wait, I more than like that... I love that!!!

So I like how in the beginning you were scared/nervous about flying through the cannon, then once you did, you were happy because you felt like the troubles/problems or life just disappeared.

You should so much realistic detail about the emotions you were feeling in you work. That really got me into it. I love when pieces like this show me emotion and realistic detail!

It was the title that dragged me in. Corgisrock22 told me to read this, and I'm like "sure, why not."

When I read this, I thought it showed so much detail and emotion, it was great.

I really liked the title. You have one of those titles that will drag people in to read your work. I think this is why I like to go to the library. To see what titles drag me in, if I'm interested I will look at the cover, (because I'm weird like that) then I will read the description and go from there, but you have an amazing title, which totally would've dragged me in, if it wasn't recommended to me.

Just a quick suggestion...

You should have added some figures of speech (metaphors, similes, etc.). It would've showed more emotion and detail, but what you have here is perfectly fine!

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs




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19 Reviews

Points: 78
Reviews: 19

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Fri Jun 17, 2016 7:49 pm
corgisrock22 wrote a review...



Ok, first off, the title got me interested in this short story. Great choice of words! It immediately grabbed my attention! The short story itself was just as interesting! This short story was filled with emotion, from fear and anxiety to happiness and excitement! You did a great job with the emotion, It made me as a reader feel the emotion, as if i was in the cannon! I have a suggestion, but the short story is still awesome without this! Maybe next time try adding similes and metaphors, so its a bit more relatable and you can envision what you are reading a bit more. It adds a bit more detail, ya know? But anyways, this was a very exciting and interesting short story! I had fun reading this! Keep up the great work!




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27 Reviews

Points: 12
Reviews: 27

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Wed Jun 15, 2016 3:43 am
MandlynProductions wrote a review...



This is a entertaining view of what flying out a canon feels like.
For one, there are realistic details displayed throughout the story.
For two, the description of absolute bliss is possible, but, it seems it would have more adrenaline to it.
And for three, the fear the performer feels seems genuine.
In all, this story is a little bit realistic, but goes into the psychology of what being one of these performers feels like.





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