z

Young Writers Society



Mistress of the Nights

by aestar101


Stomp the streets,
without skipping a beat.
The city glares around you,
As drifters purr and allure,
“Hey baby let’s get out of here.”
They’re all over,
breathing.
Standing so near.
Such swagger,
as poisonous as a dagger.
Would you be whisked away before the day?
Or just walk away into the night.
Walk onto a flight of fire escapes,
To the top where you can’t escape,
Mistress of the night
Off the top you take your escape.

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Points: 890
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Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:37 pm
powerofwords2008 wrote a review...



aestar101 wrote:The city glares around you,
As drifters purr and allure,
“Hey baby let’s get out of here.”
They’re all over,
breathing.
Standing so near.
Such swagger,
.

good lines. i don't know if you kept repeating the word escape at the end for artistic reasons or not, but if not you might need to cut back on using. also. your rhyme scheme sort of flowed, but there were maybe one or two spots where i thought it was forced. overall it's a good piece although i'm not exactly sure what it's about.




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Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:07 am
NightmareMoon says...



This was quite alluring. I personally prefer it when poetry does not rhyme, but this was really lovely. Good job.




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9 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 9

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Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:56 pm
Nicolette wrote a review...



I have a feeling this poem ends with a suicide (am I right?) but I'm not sure what leads to the event. Is she simple tired of the city? I do like the free verse form, yet I think these rhyming lines kind of throw the flow off-kilter:

Such swagger,

as poisonous as a dagger.


I don't mind rhyming in the middle of the poem, I just think that here it's out of place. Nice work overall, though. I love, love dialogue in poems! :D





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