The Last Kick
The smile left my lips
and traveled past my hips
tickled my soles up to my toes,
and all the joy of an old man
escaped in one last kick.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Correct. This is open to interpretation and by tagging this as "short", I meant no offence to the overall merit of the poem.
Sincerely,
Elitehusky
I do think that this was very short, but short dosnt always mean it's bad. After reading this poem a few times over i still dont understand what it's truley about. I mean is this person a soccer player? Or is the kick metaphotical? It states that this is an elderly man that is the main person in this poem, but if so what is he doing? I would like to see maybe just a few more versus added onto this, maybe explaining what has happened. I'm starting to get the feeling that the last kick is showing that this elderly man that your refering to is his death. All in all i think that you have alot of potential in this writing and i would continue to write write write!!!
If you have any questions for me on my review then feel free to Private Message me anytime and i will make sure to get back to you.
Sincerely,
Porter
Short but smooth. No spelling errors, the poem made reasonable sense, and perhaps most importantly, the contents conformed to the title and you stayed on topic throughout. There is room for imagination although I'd like to imagine this record of events as belonging to a player in the middle of a soccer game trying to kick that ball into goal. Ultimately vividness is an asset of this poem only bound by the reader's imagination. Keep on writing.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky