Don't Mistake This Smile
BY Adrian
Don't mistake this smile on my face
for something you said.
Truth be told
you don't say much.
And don't think I didn't know
what you were doing.
Love games aren't played
without a duo.
You caught me at a
difficult time, and
you kept me dangling
for far too long.
But, here we are.
Two lovers intertwined.
My hand in yours.
And yours in mine.
This smile on my face
happened because of you.
Because you don't say
anything-- but do everything.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
[quote]But, here we are.
Two lovers intertwined.
My hand in yours.
And yours in mine.[quote]
Why is this the only line that rhymes? Did you do this on purpose?
What I did enjoy was the fact you led the reader to believe the external character did something wrong. At first, we believe that he's crossed his lover wrongly or something, then, near the end, we understand that he's actually doing the opposite: it's all positive interaction. I enjoyed this piece, though the wording could be a bit more complex.
~Panda;;
Eh. This was a bit... Im not sure what. When I first read it I was expecting for it to be about a bad relationship, but you totally switched the feel halfway through, which I'm not sure is good or bad. Its like you started out with a bunny and ended up with a dinosaur, completely different subject matters. If its what you were going for, great, if not, you should try to stick with one idea.
Nice poem! I love the poetic diction because it was quite explantory. I also love your voice. It had a hint of defence in it! Keep it up!!
Wow Adrian. Im very impressed! I absolutely love it!
-Eilin