Wild White Licorice

Hiya, Violet here!

This is a wonderful poem, it’s so lyrical and beautiful. The images you just paste into our minds from the words is very fascinating. The mood and tone compliments the whole story which is silent and dark, in a good way. Overall, the entire poem creates a very peaceful setting.

I look forward to reading more of your works!

Hey there. Pukka here for for a quick review.

my favorite time of day

is night

when the world is immersed in a silence

great enough to draw the stars

from their hiding places

out to play inside ink

and i might spill my innermost thoughts

into thick air still tainted with warmth

and they might swirl up and up

until Brother Moon catches them

with one hand

pulls them in close and

stashes them away for entertainment

while Sister Sun has her turn

and in return He might loose

soft words inside his realm

and a few of his favorite stars might

descend from their celestial playground

to plunge roots inside my earth

and rise from it on green stems

so i

mere mortal

might look at them and always remember

how beautiful a world it is

in which i live

Sorry I had to copy everything here. Just that I couldn't stop noticing how much you missed your punctuations. Was it intentional?

Even the letter I was in lower case.
The title didn't reflect on the poem too.

Over all. This piece is lit.

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said;

I love the many fascinating images that this poem employs. Also the pensive mood it creates via the mention of silence and darkness. Of course this poem is not meant to be taken literally. Otherwise the reader will not be able to accept that the moon has hands, or that stars come out to play in ink or that stars can be placed on stems in an earth garden since there are logical and scientific reasons why such declarations cannot be taken literally.

The poem simply uses such terms to convey how the speaker feels that the silence of night is an excellent time to write. Hints that this is the meaning can be found in such visual imagery as ink, words, and thoughts rising and being safeguarded for entertainment.Then there is the hope of bringing to the reader the realization that we live on a wonderful planet

Very interesting read and looking forward to reading more of your work.



BTW
How does the title fit in with the poem? All I found when I looked it up was a description of a plant.
http://wildeherb.com/2011/07/27/white-w ... mer-woods/

Please feel free to ignore my advice it is not intended to offend you hurt you, demean your story or make it seem bad, but be warned you must brace yourself for impact that said . . .
1. What I liked
This is actually pretty good very mystic just like the night, I loved how you referred to the moon as Brother Moon and the Sun Sister Sun. First of it adds to the mystic feel to this poem but the moon is noramlly referred to as she her or sister and the sun he him and so on. I also loved the subject this is about.
2. Grammar & Spelling
Okay the honey out of the way lets get to the vinegar-grammar. Okay first of all I know this is a style and that is okay but I still feel as though you need to add commas, and periods. You can ignore this if you want, thats just me. Secantly we have this line

while Sister Sun has her turn

and in return He might loose
loose? I think that might be misspelled. The correct spelling is lose. See the difference?
Finally your i's need to be capitalized, I think.
3. Subject
You did mention in the title this is about wild white licorice but you do not mention it anywhere. You talk about the stars the feel of night but nothing about flowers or anything.
4. Overall & Encouragment
This was really neat, I enjoyed it, please keep up the excellent work.