They sit in a row,
Side by side,
Hooded figure beside
Hooded figure.
They converse only
When the need arises, only
In order to ensure time
Continues moving on,
As such solitary beings
Despise interaction.
And still she manages
To trap each and every one
Of their old hearts
In a net made of grief
And tears
And pleas.
And so they swoop down
And sit by her side,
Her tears staining their white robes
Red.
And to her they whisper,
Fear no longer,
For we shall take care of you.
Shake no longer,
For we shall hold you.
Cry no longer,
For we shall gently peel back
The sorrow
Until all that remains
Is a memory of what once
Was.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there! I really enjoyed your poem here. You had many great words and uses of imagery. All of your verses kept me interested in the story the words created and I could not wait to keep reading. Frankly I was a little disappointed that it ended when it did due to the beauty of the imagery and words used. One of my favorite lines,
"In a net made of grief"
really struck something in me! Great job. On the opposite side, I found the beginning lines just to be slightly repetitious. For example when you said,
"They converse only
When the need arises, only
In order to ensure time
Continues moving on,
As such solitary beings
Despise interaction."
I get that they hate interaction without you stating it even though you did so well. I really do not have any other criticisms... This was such an alluring poem, especially the ending verses. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more from you in the future
Thank you!!
Thank you!!
Nice poem! The idea of guardians soothing her is great, plus the wording of it is excellent! It would have been nice to see a bit divulging into this, like going deeper into the reason why she cries. It would have been cool to have her go through something and have her crying while being soothed as a result. Other than that brilliant poem, keep up the good work and keep writing!
Aw, I really loved this one. I have to say that to me personally it feels like these figures are watching over people until they see one struck so hard by grief that they have to stop and help her. I enjoy the idea of time slowly peeling away the sorrow until only the memory is left. Great word choices, great concept, brilliant execution. I would have loved a nod at the five stages of grief, but that was just where my head went upon reading this. If we'd seen the whole denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance, it would have really made this poem even more amazing. Alas, that is an idea for the future maybe to make the poem longer. I don't know. Thanks for sharing this.