Published February 2, 2016
I sat beside Imogen in the way way back. The sound of many tires on the rough road assaulted our ears beneath the din of my mother’s favorite CD, which played on repeat. It was about the fourth time we’d heard that particular song, and its lyrics slurred together in my mind as I looked out the window at trees and bushes and cars whose shapes all slurred together, too.
“I see an Alabama!” my little brother Tommy screeched, yanking me back into the reality of the too-big car.
“I wish my brother would shut of for three minutes!” I responded loudly.
“Samantha!” my mother scolded from the driver’s seat. I wouldn’t say I yelled at Tommy, but apparently my mother took it that way.
“It’s true,” I muttered, gazing through slits of eyes at the headrest in front of me. I guessed my tone was a little mocking, but who cared? He could use some thicker skin.
I saw Imogen giggling to herself through the corner of my eye. “What? He was asking for it,” I said, only this time jokingly.
“Oh, nothing. It was my book, that’s all.” The smile is faded, and the air between us seems to buzz with electricity from words I didn’t mean to come out the way they evidently did.
“That’s fine. Don’t look so down,” I said. “What book is that?”
“To Kill a Mockingbird,” Imogen responded, closing her book part of the way so that I could see the cover.
“Oh. I think we were supposed to read that a year or two ago for school. I just used Cliffs Notes.” I leaned forward to rummage through the pocket in the seat in front of me. “I’m impressed that you would actually read something like that for fun.” I found The Breakfast Club and pulled it out triumphantly before passing it to Tommy. “Stick this in, would you?”
“Eww, a girl movie,” Tommy sneered. He loaded it into the van’s built-in DVD player anyways.
“You’ve never even seen that movie,” I said.
“Have to!”
“Then you would know it’s not a girl movie.” My response was met with a snicker from my father that elicited a scold from my mother. I honestly thought she probably would have preferred that nobody talk all the way to the beach, but that wasn’t going to happen. I shifted my attention back to Imogen. “As I was saying, I’m impressed you would read something like that in your free time for . . . fun. I clearly just watch movies.”
“All you have to do is give it a chance. I’m pretty sure you would actually enjoy reading if you just tried it.”
“I still just don’t get how you could love books.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll explain it to you. We have the whole summer, after all.” With that and a little grin, she opened her book and began to read again. I shifted my focus to the movie playing on the small screen toward the front of the car, but I couldn’t manage to keep my focus. My mind just kept wandering.
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Hey there! I'm back for a review on this, after having reviewed one of the previous parts months ago.
I'm still really liking your tone, the quiet, intimate feel of the story that your descriptions and dialogue create.
A little formatting note - if a flashback consists of an entire chapter/part, typically it wouldn't need to be in italics, since it's already distinguished from the scenes around it by virtue of being in its own chapter. Unless you're intending to have the whole story be read as one and are only breaking it into parts to post it on here, then you probably don't need to italicize this.
Since this is so short, I don't have a ton to critique, so I'll focus more on some specifics.
This feels oddly passive-aggressive - I would've thought she'd address it directly to him unless she's specifically appealing to her parents to make him be quiet.
Also, since this is the first time you mentioned him saying anything in this flashback, her reaction feels a little too immediate - it doesn't feel like he was being constantly annoying before hand or that he had been talking at all previously.
This doesn't really feel like something a bookworm would say - as a bookworm myself, I could never just explain to anybody why I love books so much. I'd say something more along the lines of "Don't worry, I'll convert/show you."
And that's really all I've got for you - I'm sorry this is so short. Good luck with the rest of this story!
Hey adelekm! You'll have to bear with me. I haven't read the previous parts, so if there's any confusion on my part, that's probably why. I'll try to help the best I can, though! I'll probably stick to grammar, sentence structure, stuff like that.
I get what you're trying to do with the word slurred twice, but I dunno, I don't think it fits as well as something like "blurred," and I don't think it's really necessary.
Shut of? Did you mean shut up? Or... shut off? Haha.
I don't know... should this be capitalized?
I'm just a bit unclear - was the "shut up" what caused the tension in the car, and what caused Imogen to stop laughing? If so... it seems kind of delayed?
Imogen has good taste in books. ; )
Too, not to.
But aside from the little things, this was a really charming story! I assume that since it's in italics, it's a flashback or some sort of recalled memory by the main character of the story. I like the dynamics of the family in the car.
When Samantha was complimenting Imogen on her love for books, though, I wasn't sure how to think of how she worded it. Now, I don't know how old Samantha is, but when she said stuff like: "I'm impressed you would read something like that..."
I dunno, it just didn't sound like (and I only presume) something a teenager or pre-teen would say. Unless she's more mature (which, I really didn't get from her outburst at Tommy), it seems a bit untrue to her ... age?
I did like the dialogue though, but I feel like you could've added more to it. Do you want it to be this short? I feel like we could get a better picture of Samantha and Imogen's relationship if they were to talk for a bit longer. From just the little bit we have here, I really don't know how close they were.
This little flashback was a really easy read though! It flowed pretty well and I didn't feel like anything was rushed.
Great job! Keep writing!
Thank you so much!