16+

Raymond

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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Raymond

Comments & reviews · 3
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Hey! ChocolateCello here.

I really loved the meaning in this. 'A skeptical boy on Christmas day'. He takes this day of spirit and fun and makes it about himself. His thoughts are only on his own being and he has no time for the silly shenanigans that don't related to himself. Santa? Nope. It's not Raymond. He's skeptical of anything that isn't him, for he knows, he's the only person he can truly trust. He doesn't want to be hurt, left, or backstab so he simply gets rid of the idea of 'friends'. He'd rather sit alone in self-absorbed silence than put him self in danger of finding himself heartbroken. Even at such a young age (I'm guessing seven maybe, you never included this part) He see the harsh truth about the world.
Nice job on the rating too, protecting others for this realization, making sure the reader is mature enough to see the world for what it really is.

Okay, that was fun.

No, seriously though, if you want to post an actual story here just click 'edit work' to the right and paste/type the story you want in place of 'Raymond'

Happy review day!
-ChocolateCello

User avatar
Prakash
Comment

I hope you hadn't done this on purpose. Instead of saving it as a draft, I guess you clicked 'Publish it' before finishing the work. No problem, Don't sweat it. Scrap this work and start afresh. But, before that, you had to review to gain points. Keep writing :) All the best :)

User avatar
willachilles
Review

This is a lovely piece of work, indeed!

Hey, Will here, for a review.

Okay, on first sight, a little short. But I found out that as you go deeper into the story, you will find amazing results! I'll start off with a few positives about your work, and then I'll go into the negatives. :D

Raymond


Wonderfully started off, I must agree. Just a simple word. And you know, the word Raymond is so beautiful, that simply starting off with it was a brilliant choice.

Raymond


Now, another lovely thing that I see you've done is that you've put absolutely no punctuation in the text. A nice choice, I must admit. If you bothered to put full stops and stuff in, it would just ruin the whole thing, wouldn't it?

Okay, now onto the other part of the review - the not so great part.

Okay, firstly, I noticed that this was your summary of the chapter:

'The cynical and skeptical perspective of a young boy on Christmas day.'

I just don't think that your summary matches the content of the story, that's all. Maybe your summary could simply be:

Raymond.

Don't you think that'll work better?

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Now, seriously. Your 'piece' (I'm not even sure I can call it that) was a complete spam. One word - really? Are you really going to do that?

If you were going to post something, post something good. Something that us as readers can enjoy, and comment on. This was a pathetic review. I was looking forward to reading this by looking at the summary, but no. This is NOT what YWS needs. Take your work back, and unpublish it.

Why would you waste 350 coins anyway? You've wasted your money, your time, and other people's time.

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-willachilles

I think I should learn from you how to review and gain points :P



You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.
— Joyce Meyer