candles
a common riddle
what get smaller the older it gets?
what's only purpose is to eat away at itself?
melt it's self away
till it's nothing
till it's thrown in the trash
just for doing its job
perhaps we are all candles
when we are born, we burn strong and bright
releasing a sweet sent wherever we go
but as we age
as we burn ourselves away
we become fragile
a simple breeze affects us
makes us dim
until they get tired
then with one breath
one twist of the lid
you're gone
dead
and there's was nothing you could've done
to convince them not to
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141,105 Literary Works • 674,105 Reviews
Namaste, this is shakthi sinha
this is my review on your poem
I think your poem builds on a really classic comparison. You start with a simple riddle about a candle burning down, and then you try to connect that physical burning to how people age and fade away over time.
When you write about burning strong and bright and then becoming fragile, the imagery is easy to picture. However, I think the ending gets a bit cluttered when you bring in outside elements like "they" and a "lid," because it pulls the focus away from the simple candle metaphor you started with.
Overall, it's a straightforward first attempt that explores how something gets used up until it's gone. If you want to keep working on it, focusing on keeping your main metaphor clean and catching basic typos like "sent" versus "scent" will help you tighten it up.
That's just what I felt reading through it. Keep writing and see where your ideas take you next.
Hey, I'm here for just a simple quick review.
Overall, I think that the idea for the poem is wonderful. There's a lot to be made about mortality, and candles are a great metaphor for the inevitability of death. My only real issue is the consistency of it all.
The poem leads me to believe, until the end of it, that the candle burning is somewhat representing how self-destructive people can be. I thought that until I got to "until they get tired". This came as a complete surprise to me, as its really not how I saw the poem going and it doesn't flow very well. I do think that it could work on its own as well.
The major problem is, as I said, how consistent it is. This poem is not subtle, which isn't a bad thing, but it can be when you randomly pick up another idea at the end of writing. It just makes it feel rushed and not well thought out.
In conclusion, I really like the idea you present! And your descriptors are pretty good. You might just need to work on it a bit longer, and really solidify what you want it to be about.
Also, I can see that your account is brand new! I hope that you like it here, and write more things since I actually really enjoyed this poem.