Published January 31, 2009
You used to play
Bach had gone missing,
hiding somewhere, keeping
company with Mendelssohn
and Chopin and Beethoven.
Digging through our towers
of music,
I searched for him
and instead found someone else.
Grieg,
in a worn-out blue book.
I hold it gently in my hands,
with the reverence that comes
from reverie.
I remember –
but only just, for I was young –
pulling myself up to the
battle worn and weary bench:
the one with the ratty upholstery,
yellowed padding peeking through.
I watched the dance,
under your fingers.
It was always that one
song.
This song, with
birdsong trills and sunset arpeggios
notes that tasted like stars,
phrases that felt like
moonlight,
melody that ushered in
the dark.
I knew that you
loved it.
It’s been years
since that innocent time.
Now your nails are long
and white. Your fingers don’t
sing of nightfall
anymore.
Here, in the present
I shuffle through the
tattered pages. Faithfully,
the book falls open
to the song of my memories,
the notes smiling at me,
like an old friend.
I put the book on the
stand, sit on the clean-cut bench,
black upholstery shining.
Tables turned.
Now it's me
who fills the room with
dusk.
Now it’s you
who comes to listen
past glimmering in your
eyes.
You used to play.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,912 Literary Works • 673,731 Reviews
Here you go, as requested~
And hey! Welcome to YWS! I trust everything is going well and you're enjoying it?
And to the poem-
Looks like everyone's got the grammar mistakes. I thought this poem was very beautiful. It's got obvious flow and a good rhythm. It's got an overall nice meaning.
It has a wonderful meaning. It has vagueness but you can tell what it's about. Some poems try to be deep and vague, succeed but then they make it so vague you have no idea what they're talking about. This piece was very clear and smooth.
I love your use of figurative language. Not too much, not to blunt, perfect.
Umm, I thought this was going to lead somewhere but I guess all I'm trying to say is that this was a lovely poem!
Great job!
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
P.S. I figure you play an instrument, correct? Which one? Piano?
ahhh... i love it
really liked that last part, really nice
sorry i can't be anymore helpful, emotastic above me said everything i was gonna say
anyway, well done and keep writing!
-Grimy
I think it's great. Some may say it needs editing but i like it the way it is. Only maybe you should change a few words, the flow is a bit choppy in some places, like a little towards the end.
The detail is great, i feel like i'm the one doing the actions.
'It was always that one
song.
This song, with
birdsong trills and sunset arpeggios
notes that tasted like stars,
phrases that felt like
moonlight,
melody that ushered in
the dark.'
That is my favorite part, you did spectacular.