Our love, it reaches the mountains
Our love, it reaches the seas.
When I, hold out my hand,
I feel you reaching for me.
It’s always been this way,
The safe, the comfortable,
Best friends til the end, you know it but,
I don’t know , anymore.
(Instrumental)
On sunny days I can still hear your voice,
Calling “come out and play”,
But somehow, that’s turned into
“I love you more and more each day.”
Not really sure how it happened,
You’ve always been my safe, my comfortable,
Best friends til the end you know it but,
I don’t know, anymore.
(Instrumental)
Oh, why is it so hard,
Oh, why do I feel this way,
Oh, how can we fix this
Will we recover,
Oh, how can I bear to lose you.
Days and weeks will go by, you know me,
I’ll never say a word.
You’re getting confused, discouraged,
So I write you a letter,
It says.
Hey man, how’s it going -
You’ve gotta be tired of reading these,
I just wanted to tell you,
That I’m finally starting to see -
Our love reaches the mountains,
Our love reaches the seas,
S’long as you’re my best friend forever,
I’ll be what you want me to be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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130,098 Literary Works • 671,511 Reviews
Alright, that was cute. I will admit that.
I wish that there was a way on here so that the reader could actually hear the song while they're reading the lyrics, cause honestly it would help. Knowing the tempo, the tone, even the volume would make reviewing something like this a lot easier, cause then I could put it up against the music and see if it fits well, and makes sense.
But, since we can't do that, I'm just gonna have to go with first impression and gut feeling like I usually do.
I wish someone did this for me, I'd be so over the moon, it's not even funny XD
The idea behind the song is cute, and thank god, it does actually make sense. It has a nice flow to it, though there are places where you put commas that don't really make sense, like here: "When I, hold out my hand,"
The comma between I and hold doesn't need to be there.
I get that you may be trying to mark a breathing point too, but even then, that still wouldn't sound right.
I mean, honestly, would it sound right if someone breathed there? Think about it
"When I....hold out my hand"
No, you wouldn't!
sorry, that was randomly nit-picky LOL
I think the best part for me is how deep your relationship with this person is. You can sense the long made connection that you two have in the words, and that's what makes this piece as good as it is.
You might wanna give him a chance, just sayin' LOL
Very Good!
~Maddie
I honestly love this. It's a very touching piece that I feel a lot of people could be able to relate to. The emotion in it was real and raw, something I'm sure is very close to your heart, and your feelings really showed through it. Whoever that boy is, I really got a very good insight into the manner of your relationship, which is really hard to do with so little words. I found a few little errors, but nothing big enough for me to point them out. Overall, it flowed beautifully. Stunning work.
My favorite line was by far the ending: "S'long as you're my best friend forever, I'll be what you want me to be." It really wrapped up the entire piece, and I just fell in love with the wording you used.
Hope this helped! Keep writing