A tisket, a tasket, a green and yellow basket,
Wrote a letter to my love and placed it in his casket.
. . .
Everyone’s afraid of me, all except for you
Don’t worry though, I’ll fix it.
I’ll make our dream come true
I have a secret garden in the meadow by the pond
The place where mommy used to tell me I did not belong.
I’m growing flowers white as snow for everyone we know,
I know these flowers very well they’ll bloom sometime tomorrow.
When they bloom I’ll hand them out,
we’ll finally live as one.
Just please don’t find my secret garden before I’m done.
. . .
A tisket, a tasket, a green and yellow basket,
Filled with flowers I have picked, petals white as bone.
Flowers picked and counted, not one too many nor too few.
One for everybody, except for me.
Except for you
. . .
In the morning one was missing, so I saved one for your grave,
The cemetery’s full now, but the spot next to me is saved.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello! Wallflower here for a quick review
This poem is absolutely STUNNING. It's got the same kind of energy/rhyme scheme as a dark nursery rhyme- beautifully written, with a fantastic rhyme scheme. The way you use your words, your diction, so clearly demonstrates your unique and lovely writing style. This poem is about a subject that's absolutely haunting, and you've written and conveyed this perfectly.
Often I choose a quote from the poem that I like the most, but with yours, there aren't any I prefer above the others; they're all absolutely gorgeous, and I couldn't choose.
This poem is perfectly creepy and chilling; wonderfully done. Keep writing!!
Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your respective time zone. Anyway, onto the review. This was an interesting poem! I think I recognized some of it, and after reading Plum’s review, it turns out it was a nursery rhyme! To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before, but your poem was still beautifully and wonderfully creepy! There are many ways this could be interpreted, from the narrator killing their friend and then themselves, to the narrator going insane from the loss of their friend.
I think this was personally my favorite line. It was very creepy and poetic; a beautiful end to your poem. Like Plum said, I also noticed the odd syllable count, and it made the poem choppy at times, but this is just a small nit pick. All in all, your poem was very beautiful and creepy. I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe, and keep writing!
Hey there, and happy RevMo!! Plume here, with a review!
Ooh, this poem was quite chilling! I love how you've taken a classic nursery rhyme and put a darker spin on it. It seems to me that the speaker maybe lost someone they loved, and then go around killing people in revenge or just because they went a bit crazy after they lost the person they loved. The flowers were an interesting touch; I thought that it maybe could be a way of marking the people they want to kill, or maybe they cover the graves with flowers and use the bodies as fertilizer? It could be interpreted many ways, but they're all quite chilling. Nice work!
One thing I really enjoyed about this poem was the narrative you were able to present. Like I said before, I really enjoyed the twistiness of the poem, and the vagueness sort of worked to create this air of mystery and suspense around the speaker and what they're actually doing. You built up the narrative with a lot of great figurative language, too. Great job!!
This is a bit nitpicky, but I just thought I'd point it out: if you were to revisit/revise this poem, I'd suggest going in and cleaning up your syllable counts a bit. I'm not sure if the staggering flow of it was intentional to convey the speaker's mental unsteadiness, but it also made the poem slightly less smooth to read. Lines like "One for everybody, except for me/Except for you" don't exactly flow well next to the lines they're supposed to be rhyming with, and that disrupts the flow. I recommend reading the poem out loud just to see how it sounds, and if you find yourself halting or that you can't develop an even rhythm or cadence, try adding or subtracting some syllables from a line until it sounds right.
Specifics
I thought that this line might benefit from a semicolon in the middle; as it is now, it reads a bit rushed.
I love how you first start to describe the flowers as white as snow and then switch to comparing them to bone. It's a really cool small detail that makes the shift in the poem to something more sinister all the more interesting and satisfying.
Words cannot encompass how much I love this last couplet. It ties the whole poem together so nicely and left me with chills.
Overall: great job!! You crafted a magnificently spooky twist on this classic nursery rhyme. I thought it was very creative and a delight to read. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!!
hmm...Suspenseful,interesting story here.I'm not sure if the protagonist is a hero or a villain.Maybe they're both.Who knows? I wonder what the story is about.Is it about someone who murders people that judge them too harshly and only cares about one person? Could it be about someone who practices black magic? Am I in the right track here? I loved your poem.Keep writing!
I would classify her as someone who started a hero but was slighted one too many times and is now out for revenge. You are definitely on the right track
Okay,thanks.