I was gazing at my reflection at the full-sized mirror inside my closet room. Somehow, looking through my eyes made me admit to myself that I was really nothing. Ugliness was plastered in my whole being.
I hesitantly touched my hair. It was black, thick, and curly. Worse, it was dry.
I inched my face closer to the mirror. Acne was everywhere. Others had already formed holes and some left their existence as scars. I sighed as this bad truth dawned on me.
I straightened up again. That was not all. My eyebrows were scattered. My eyes were not proportioned. My nose was oddly shaped. My lips were thick.
I tried smiling in front of the mirror but I had to close my mouth on the next second. It wasn't beautiful to watch. I had a gummy smile. Worse, I had gapped teeth. Many had already suggested that I should have braces but I just did not want to.
My eyes trailed down on my body feature. I had a pale skin. I was too skinny. I turned my body sideways. I frowned on what I saw. I was flat-chested and so were my buttocks. Really, my body was not proportioned. I looked like a tree, actually. I had a thick hair and skinny body - great. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
Then, I returned my body to the front. I stared at myself. Never had anyone insulted me of the physical ugliness I possessed. Never did it degrade me. I once believed that beauty does not come physically but rather on the character of the person.
Yet, that was before. Of my eighteen years of existence, the web of situations changed me a lot. Everyday was not always sunshine. That's why I became insecure.
Well, people didn't hate me at all. Or, that's what I guessed. They just couldn't hate me because they needed me. I was just a genius girl who happened to be unlucky with looks and wealth.
I was gazing at myself at the moment, preoccupied with these thoughts. Looking deeper in my eyes, I found myself back in time - just a year ago. I was once again the Eunice who was innocent about what life truly means.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Good Afternoon Abbie! HAPPY REVIEW DAY! Here to review your prologue. I will review as I read so that it will make a little more sense to both me and you. I tend to sway way off course otherwise and you'll have no idea what on earth I am talking about!
I hate it when people are hard on themselves. You've been very clever and created a character that millions of girls will immediately relate for. There's nothing better than a character that you're a rooting for from day dot.
Here goes!
“Many had already suggested that I should have braces but I just did not want to.” - hahaha This made me laugh because it's so me! I was always nagged to have braces but I was so stubborn and never gave in! Mwahahaa (SEE! Swaying of course!!)
My heart is bleeding for this girl already!
I really liked the way you ended the prologue. It's got me really interested in what possibly could have happened to this girl in one year to make her so insecure. Has she changed in looks or is she only looking at herself closely and critically for the first time?
The only criticism I have is to really look hard at your spelling and punctuation before you post. I know how hard this is when your excitedly getting all of your ideas out on paper. However, it can be distracting for the reader. To help me, I read my work outloud so that I can hear the mistakes that I initially don't see.
Good luck! I look forward to reading more soon!
Olive <3
Hi Abbie!
I feel really bad for this girl. She has absolutely no confidence in herself. I'm curious how she changed so drastically within a year. I guess I'll have to read on to find out, huh?
I didn't find much other than what Empress already mentioned. Here's one that I did catch, though.
~ Acnes is not a word. I don't think there is a way to simply change one word to make this sentence better. You'd have to change add a couple of words to make the sentence flow better. Here's one way you could do it:
Acne was everywhere, covering my face like a sheet.
Okay, that was a bad example. But just mess around with words and see what you like best! Other than that, I found this interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more. I know you already posted chapter one, so I'll try to read that as soon as I can. See you there!
Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snowy
Yay! Thanks a lot! But, I'm too busy right now to add more chapters. I have them in my files though. Hehe!
Hi again!
I read chapter 1 first before realising this was here. Wow this poor girl seems seriously depressed! She is so so so self-depreciating! For her sake I really hope things improve for her.
Again, however, just read through it and sort out the mistakes with the grammar.
Like here:
"I was gazing my reflection", this is in the very first line as well! It should be, "I was gazing at my reflection."
And here:
"It's black, thick, and curly. Worse, it was dry."
The first part is in the present tense, the second is in the past tense. I think your'e going for the past tense throughout so it should be:
"It was black, thick, curly. Worse, it was dry."
Just stuff like this! If you fix that it will be much better
Keep writing!
Bethan
Hey! Thank you so much for the reviews! I would not notice those mistakes myself. Thanks for pointing them out.