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141,411 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Welllllll, my number one concern is that there is no title. You could try "I won't let go." Or "I'll melt for you".
also, being a die hard hungergames nerd I want to point out that the last 2 lines are my favorite... whether it is intensional or not i still want to point that out! <3
I also want to point out that this is very generic. Maybe add in your own emotions, or even something that puts more of a picture in your head.
"Look into my *insert any color here* eyes,"
"And I'll get lost in yours."
of course, that's just an example!
AWE
this is cute, i agree with the other comments it is a bit generic, i think if you add a little of your own voice you could make it truly amazing. Keep writing.
I think the first reviewer hit the nail on the head when she called it generic, to be honest. It lacks anything to make it memorable or emotional, and it's so base that it fails to give us any connection. I would love to really see you, as a writer, inject yourself heart and mind and soul into every piece that you create; give it a unique edge, and you'll go far. This is a pretty critical review, but remember to take it as *constructive* criticism. :] Especially since you're new to the site! Haha please don't let me scare you off...YWS is a great place to improve your writing. I've gotten plenty of harsh reviews here, but my writing's so much better for it. I hope to see more pieces from you in the future, because I'm sure that as a writer you'll only continue to learn and explore and grow.
Keep writing!
Thank you <3 Hahaha, you won't scare me off. I love reviews like this because they help me grow as a writer. I actually used to have an account on here, but I forgot the username and password, so I made a new one. I think you reviewed a couple of my pieces, but I'm not sure.
Thanks again!
I love this poem, it has such a strong theme, but I wish you pinpointed and were more specific, in it, you know? It's a bit too generic with me but you did awesome with the imagery and the words mesh together in a beautiful way with a lovely resonance. And I love the end of the poem; 'Always' is a great word.
Keep writing and welcome to YWS!
Thank you so so much.