They used to say that the earth's demise would come when the sun explodes. When balls of light and fire would come sailing at us, turning every living thing to a crisp. They used to say how that event would be hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of years in the future. They also used to tell stories, that the "Future" would have flying cars and robots waiting on us hand and foot. They had movies, of how the earth was destroyed by visitors from another planet, or garbage piled up so high humanity had to escape their only home. Well, now they tell stories of what life used to be like. Stories that now show up only in history books. Before the World War 3. Before we developed Weapons of Mass destruction. Before I was born, before my mother and father were born, before my grandparents, and their grandparents were born. When earth, as with life, was beautiful. Well, those stories are just stories now. I wish I had the chance to see, what was apparently, a rainbow. Green trees, a gorgeous blue sky, and something called snow. All I see, is a grey and brown, expanding across a crumbling planet, surrounded by a melting atmosphere. Now, the earth is dying, perishing, falling apart in our own hands.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow, this is intense in a good way, the tone of this is incredible! I mean, the actual situation is definitely not great, but looking at the writing aspect, you did a wonderful job! I love the visuals, you really made me see what I was reading, (It wasn't a pretty picture, ya know, Earth dying and all, but you know what I mean) and the way you compared how people saw things before and after was great! There were a few things I'd like to point out though,
First, it might be a good idea to separate this into a few paragraphs, so we're not just reading one big block of words.
I feel like before the before's there should be commas instead of periods. Small change, big difference. It makes the entire thing flow better. Like the difference between a red light and a yellow light, you could say. One you stop, the other you slow. If you're not sure which one to use, read it out loud, and see how it sounds.
'Beatiful' is spelt beautiful.
Other than that, this was a really great read! This is the prologue, right? When you release the next chapter, be sure to tag me!
Have a great day, and let's hope this doesn't happen any time soon, or at all, let's just work hard, and make sure this doesn't happen, period.
Keep on writing!
Horisun-
Thanks so much for your very kind review. I really appreciate all your kind comments. Yes, I did see the typo as soon as I posted it, and didnt get a chance to fix it. I will edit my post, I think changing the periods to commas is a really great idea.
I am working on another chapter right now! I will tag you when I release it!
Again, thanks for your great review and amazing suggestions!
No problem!
Hello abachmann, Katja here to review your prologue! As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all suggestions I make if you find them to be unhelpful. That being said lets get onto the review!
Overall Opinion
Since your prologue is pretty short I'll start with my overall take on it. I like the concept you are using to start your novel... The world is crumbling much sooner than predicted and I am left to assume based on the narrator stating,
~that the world began deteriorating long before the main character came into existence. But feel free to correct me if I am wrong!
I also assume that it is hinted the cause for Earth's untimely crumbling is a result of WW3 and weaponry developed for war and mass destruction.
I like the introduction so far, though it is short and leaves a lot of information to be assumed.
Suggestions
Prologues are, in my opinion, mainly useful in stories exactly like yours, where the world or setting is going to be very different from usual and needs to be set up. That being said, your prologue doesn't give us much information about the setting other than a crumbling post WW3 earth. Since it is a prologue it need not get into depth about the character or story, but it should provide an introduction into the setting and story as a whole. I feel like there is not much information given and it would greatly aide you if you introduced the main character more and the setting in slightly more depth. For example the the story is being told from the character's perspective and the setting could be expanded on through his or her eyes? Just my thoughts!
I won't cover nitpicks since the other reviewer covered the main ones. Remember to proofread to help weed out minor errors and typos
Summary
I really like the concept you have and I really hope you continue this story. I see a lot of potential in what you have so far and I highly encourage you to keep writing. I'm excited to find out who the main character is and what their role is in this new world.
I hope my review was helpful~
Keep Writing,
~Katja
Katja-
Thanks for the review! Im glad you enjoyed the concept. I will consider your suggestions, and probably add them!
Thanks!
EverLight here with a review. This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned- you may feel offended anyway.
First Impression
This is really interesting. You should certainly go on a head and pursue this story. You have a fan right here.
Nitpicks & Grammar
You have two nitpicks-
First you misspelled beautiful as beutiful in this sentence-
Next you have a comma that needs to be removed here-
The comma after stories should be removed. The sentence flows better see?
Style & Flow
Now, normally when you write you want to show not tell-that means you don't just say now the earth is dying, perishing, etc you give us examples of how the earth is perishing-are there animals dying? Is the earth covered in dust? Are people dying? What does the main character feel? Since this is a prologue however, I won't really badger you with that. Just one thing-be careful this doesn't turn out like one of those cliched' Futuristic plots-you know with the government being too powerful, or too much waist around the earth etc. (BTW the idea of World War 3 has been used before-so make sure this idea is purely yours-If you are interested I have some information about publishing and writing novels on my wall here-https://www.youngwriterssociety.com//profile/EverLight/wall/0?start=30 That may help)
Overall awesome job buddy!
EverLight Out
Everlight-
Im glad you liked it! I just signed up for YWS and really appreciate all of the support from other people like me that I am getting. On your nitpicks, no, you did not offend me in any way, shape, or form. I appreciate and willingly accept any comments or suggestions you have! Yes, I realize I spelled Beautiful wrong, ( I always spell Beautiful wrong!) and I have changed that. I also removed the comma! Thanks for being my proofreading eyes! Thanks for your support!
-abachmann
Your very welcome!